Page 37 of Bend Him, Break Him

Isaac didn’t know what to do with Colton’s feelings, with his own, with the continuing shift in their dynamic.

Now that he understood what happened in high school, how it spiraled out of control, he’d hoped maybe it would’ve offered some solace.

At the very least, a consolation of no longer eating away at him.

But old resentments rarely died out quickly.

They clung to life like a virus. Isaac was tired of being infected by such malice.

Still, in the weeks to come, Isaac managed to bury as much of the past as he could. He found himself slowly looking forward to the possibility of what lay in his future. He just didn’t have any clue what he wanted in that future.

Colton sat across from Isaac on the other side of the room during the GSA meeting, doing his best not to look in Isaac’s direction.

Isaac found himself seeking Colton’s brief little glances.

It confused him how Colton had changed so much since high school, changed so much since their arrangement—their sordid relationship.

A relationship. Colton desperately wanted one, making do with the scraps Isaac offered, but ready and willing to take the next step, to make a commitment.

They couldn’t date, though, not for the world.

They didn’t mesh. Maybe in the bedroom, but aside from intimacy, where did they match?

Isaac and Colton didn’t like much of anything the other liked, merely made allowances for each other’s interests.

Was that compromise or compatibility? Isaac didn’t have a real relationship to use as a reference, mainly because he never had one and often tuned out anyone he knew in a relationship.

“Ufff. I hate men,” Carlos said with a sulk.

Mina tilted her head, laying on Carlos’ shoulder to offer sympathy while also spying on his phone.

“I thought you said that app was only for hookups and dating was a waste of time.” Mina’s curious gaze could only mean Carlos had downloaded the worst gay hookup app ever, the one every guy loathed yet always found themselves diving back into when lonely and horny.

Isaac counted his confusing blessings that he no longer required the assistance of the online fates to quench his lust or hunger for carnal pleasures.

While he had no idea what to make of Colton or the blossoming feelings, he’d rather contend with the confusion of their relationship non-relationship than blank profiles, masc4masc dude bros, nude catalogs without a single face pic, kinks without appropriate conversation, random ghosting after addresses were given, and the thousands of other harrowing horrors that came with attempting to grind with another guy online.

“Maybe if you spent less time on g—”

“Do not speak its name,” Carlos said with a dramatic hiss, then making a Catholic cross sign as if to rebuke the unholy app. “You only give it more power when spoken aloud.”

Isaac snorted.

If Mina kept talking, everyone in GSA was about to hear how Carlos was trolling online for a quick and easy hookup. Carlos had a miserable expression, continuing to scroll through the app, while Mina made suggestions on swiping right even though that wasn’t how this app worked.

Isaac recalled how miserable and needy his online experience had gotten when looking to get off while dodging his feelings.

He wondered if he’d always dodge them, always shut himself off from the world.

Part of that philosophy came from trust broken by Colton—but it wasn’t entirely Colton who made Isaac this way.

His family and friends all had a part in his need to isolate himself and shut down.

He had his own role in it, too, one he needed to accept.

He wasn’t a kid anymore. If he wanted to change, he had to make that effort.

“Carlos,” Jazz said after an uncomfortable silence that Isaac hadn’t entirely noticed.

Isaac had zoned out, and apparently, Carlos had fallen down a rabbit hole of blank profiles.

“Yes?” Carlos stuffed the phone in his pocket.

“The PowerPoint.”

“Right.” Carlos scrambled up front and pulled up the GSA fundraiser event. “This year, we’re gonna host an auction date night for all our lovely eligible queers.”

“I thought we were gonna do Rocky Horror,” someone said with a sigh.

“While that’s a lot of fun, given that we’d only be able to book the smaller auditorium, it’d really limit our sales and funds raised,” Carlos explained.

“But we may still do a performance for GSA Pride. Now, moving back to the planned fundraiser. This is going to help us reach our charitable pledges for the year. Usually, we set a very strong goal at the beginning of each year but struggle to reach that number.”

“Aim high,” Mina said with a shrug. “It’s okay if we miss the mark.”

“True.” Carlos flicked through the slides. “But here are some samples of other on-campus groups and the numbers they’ve brought in.”

“Would that actually work with our fundraiser?” Isaac asked, attempting to be polite but a step away from pointing out the obvious on how the GSA differed from these other clubs.

“Glad you asked.” Carlos flicked to another slide detailing other colleges that had a similar fundraiser. “As you can see, it can draw a lot of interest. It’s gonna fall down to how we market it, the date nights we offer, and, of course, our eligible participants.”

“I’m in,” Mina said, leading the volunteering chain of other members speaking up to join in. “But we need a huge attraction, someone that’ll do the heavy lifting for our marketing.”

Everyone’s eyes quickly fell on Colton. Isaac’s blood boiled, finding himself almost as flustered as the jock who tried to laugh it off before the suggestion even left someone’s mouth.

“You’d be perfect!” Mina declared. “You’re the starting pitcher. You’re admired by just about everyone on campus.”

“Well, not everyone.” Colton frowned.

“Well, everyone who matters.” Mina waved a dismissive hand in Isaac’s direction, lumping the goth among the rude people who didn’t give Colton a proper chance.

“I actually have a small list of reasons why you’d be our ideal bachelor.” Carlos cleared his throat and went to the next slide, presenting a headshot of Colton with about a dozen different bullet points about why he should consider it.

Isaac scowled. Talk about manipulating the situation. Instead of asking Colton privately, Carlos decided to rely on the pleading expressions of the entire GSA to encourage Colton.

He grimaced, likely unsure of what to say. And how would he? Because of Isaac, he was locked in a silent arrangement that trapped him somewhere between feeling and fucking, refusing to budge and make a real move.

“I don’t know,” Colton paused. “This is for bachelors, right?”

“It is.” Carlos nodded. “Singles of all kinds. You’re single, correct?”

Colton bit his lip, then forced an awkward smile. “I mean, define single.”

“Oh?” Mina perked up in her seat.

“Clearly, I am,” Colton corrected himself, which made Isaac’s insides knot nervously. Was he anxious because Colton almost slipped or because he caught himself from slipping? “But I don’t wanna be some cocky bachelor showing up demanding a date for lots of money. That seems um, what’s the word?”

“Helpful?” Carlos said, flicking through his slides to show the list of LGBTQ+ programs the GSA was raising funds for.

Dammit. Next, Carlos would cue some sad song while posting pictures of starving puppies. Okay, an exaggeration, but not by much.

“I guess I can’t really argue with—”

“He’s not single,” Isaac snapped, stunned by his own loud announcement. A wave of trepidation washed over him, making his skin buzz and his heart race.

Colton stared, his uncomfortable expression falling away, replaced by a look of perplexed curiosity. That simple smile made Isaac blossom with joy.

Isaac swallowed his doubt, buried his reservations, and finally spoke up honestly about how he felt.

“Colton can’t take part because he’s not eligible.” Isaac fixed his attention on Colton’s soft green eyes, knowing he was the only person who could keep him steady here and now. “He’s taken. Off the market. He’s mine.”

Mina stared slack-jawed. “Oh. My. Fucking. God.”

“Eeeeeeeee.” Jazz nearly fluttered in the air with excitement, having spent the entirety of her friendship with Isaac trying to set him up with someone who would soften the grouch she claimed would be happier if he let someone in.

Isaac didn’t feel very happy. Mostly annoyed.

Slightly frustrated. And growing more and more queasy as shocked eyes locked onto him from GSA members.

He couldn’t fathom how he blurted this information, made a public declaration.

He scanned the spinning room, looking at Colton and hoping he hadn’t made the wrong decision, that he hoped he hadn’t overstepped.

The beaming smile on Colton’s face suggested he was quite pleased with the gesture.

Carlos tsked. “I knew it.”

“How?” Mina asked.

“Haven’t seen Isaac trolling the hookup wasteland app since…” Carlos pondered for a moment. “Since Colton became a regular fixture at the GSA meetings.”

“Wow, you’re like a detective,” Colton said with way too much admiration in his expression.

Isaac rolled his eyes at Colton’s sincerity and Carlos’ bravado.

“Technically speaking, Colton could still participate in the auction.” Carlos rocked his head from side to side. “It is for a good cause, after all. Maybe—”

Isaac’s immediate barred teeth and slammed fist silenced Carlos, along with anyone else who wanted to comment.

It was rare to see Isaac express anything other than indifference, so when he displayed his affection for Colton, everyone eyed him with questioning faces.

He almost regretted the outburst, the reveal of his emotional state, but Colton’s happy eyes soothed the doubts threatening to bubble inside Isaac.

Despite his immediate show of ferocity, the joyfully overwhelmed expression on Colton’s face cooled Isaac’s temper.

“Come over here,” Mina slapped Carlos’ empty chair, demanding Colton relocate. “I can’t believe y’all have been playing the cold shoulder while on the DL. Boys are the worst, I swear.”

Colton remained where he was until the awkward silence and strong stares of encouragement finally roused him from his seat.

“Sit down,” Isaac said. “We’re not putting on a show for anyone.”

“Oooooh.” Mina threw her hands up to feign offense or fright. “Someone’s a bossy bottom.”

Isaac stared, unblinking.

“What? I call ‘em like I see ‘em.” Mina leaned closely to Isaac and whispered, “Rumor has it, the starting pitcher is packing quite the bat between his legs. Is that why you’ve been so mellow lately?”

“Size really doesn’t matter.”

“You know the guys who say that only do because they’re not packing.”

Isaac often found the opposite to be true but let Mina believe what she wished.

“We can’t all be blessed as dom daddies, I guess.” Isaac shrugged with an aloof smile.

“All right, and on that splendid note, can we please try to finish the discussion on our fundraiser? A fundraiser that just lost its star attraction.” Carlos cleared his throat, indicating Mina and Isaac’s not-so-quiet whispers were heard in the room that Carlos hadn’t quite wrangled back on track.

Once the room was settled, Carlos continued but only a few people were engaged with the continuing presentation. Isaac wasn’t one of them.

“I’m sorry,” Colton mouthed.

Colton had nothing to apologize for unless he meant not correcting Mina.

But why would he? It wasn’t his assumption or responsibility to fill in the blanks on their sex life.

There was still a spark of pride in what people thought about Colton, about him being a strong jock, dominant, and in charge.

Isaac understood it to a degree. Personally, he figured taking eight inches on a regular basis made Colton a lot stronger than he gave himself credit for, but whatever he needed to emotionally sort out was up to him, not Isaac.

Isaac never cared when people questioned his masculinity or what position folks assumed. The only time he addressed the topic was alone with a partner before screwing. Then and only then did the conversation matter. For everyone else, they could believe what they wanted.

Isaac huffed, drawing attention from others, including Mina, who tried to peek at his phone until Isaac snapped his teeth like a dog giving a warning.

With that, Colton stuffed his phone back in his pocket and pretended to pay attention to the rest of the GSA meeting. Definitely pretending. Isaac recognized the glazed look and subtle nod Colton would use when overstimulated during their study sessions.

This wouldn’t be the end of their discussion; no way would Isaac allow it to be settled in a handful of texts in the midst of announcing their relationship.

Damn. Relationship. It really was a relationship.

And already Isaac wondered how much he’d bend his whims to please Colton.

He thought about how much he’d already bent to please Colton, to meet him halfway, to see him content.

Worse. To see Colton happy. Had he really been whittling himself down to this point the entire time?

Isaac glowered, imagining all the couple things Colton might try to enforce now that they were officially on display for everyone, officially official.

What had he done? Allowing himself to become overcome with feelings, worry, jealousy.

That wasn’t ever part of his plan, ever something he wanted.

Yet he couldn’t help but bask a little in the attention this drew.

The worst part? Isaac liked the fluttery feeling it gave him, the tension, and the anticipation.

He had no idea what the next chapter had in store for them, but he was eager to explore it with Colton.