Page 5

Chapter 5

Reggy

M y feet paced the hallway that separated Mordy’s room and the room I had been sharing with Stone, pausing in front of each for a second. Stone said I could have the room, but I didn’t want it. I grabbed my things and took them down to the living room. Of course, after about an hour or so, I wanted to talk to him, but it might have made everything worse. Plus, I was so angry at him for suggesting what he had. If he really believed adding Mordy into our already problematic relationship was going to fix things, he was wrong. Shit! He was fucking wrong.

I was in so much pain that, at some point, I think it numbed me. Either that, or I had gotten used to it. I wanted to hate him for having the audacity to tell me he loved me and then break my heart, but this was on me. I could have stopped Mordy, and I hadn’t. I wanted to hate Mordy for doing what he did, but I was an active participant in what happened between us, too. I lied to myself and said you couldn’t loathe something you already hated. It was just that, though. I didn’t actually hate him. I hated myself for not hating him. I should have despised him and didn’t understand why I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Especially now.

Each brother was behind a closed door. Stone gave up after three hours of telling me to go to bed and went to bed without me. I huffed, dropping to the floor, and crossed my feet under my body. My finger traced the grain of the floorboard beside me, and I wished for the power to sink between the grooves. I wasn’t brushing off what happened when I allowed Mordy to rip the shirt off of me, but I also didn’t think it warranted this much of a reaction. However, cheating wasn’t always a physical act; it could be emotional, too. Maybe that was the part that pissed Stone off the most. I wanted to deny all of the things he said, but I couldn’t. I usually didn’t consider myself a liar—at least when it came to other people—except when it came to extreme circumstances. There was an unexplainable connection between Mordy and me, even if I didn’t want one. There was no other explanation as to why I let things go as far as they did between us. I wasn’t a victim in all of this. Mordy hadn’t taken advantage of me. I just wished I could understand why I never truly wanted him to leave me alone. Were these daddy issues? Shit. I had never considered Kiry not being in our lives to be a bad thing. I was the youngest, and the only girl, so not having a male role model in my life was not a factor. I had five brothers, and even though they were overprotective and continuously overstepped every boundary I tried to place between us, I was thankful for them.

I pulled a large breath into my body and pushed off the floor with my hands. Sitting still wasn’t working for me, so I walked up and down the hall, moving to release my energy. If I kept going at this pace, I would lose what little bit of sanity I had left to my name before the sun rose in the sky.

“Lass, if you pace that damn floor one more time, I’m going to toss thumbtacks under the door to make this interesting,” Mordy said in a faintly muffled voice from behind his door as soon as I stood up.

“I wasn?—”

“Liar, liar. éan is a fecking liar. Tell the truth,” he warned in a deep silky voice. Only Mordy was able to scold someone while sounding like he was encouraging me to do whatever I did again. Something metallic rattled against plastic in his room. A moment later, his fingertips poked through the crack under his door, and he flicked a silver thumbtack out beside my toe. “One.”

A small unintentional giggle popped out of my mouth, and I immediately pursed my lips. I didn’t want to laugh. I didn’t want to be happy right now. I wanted to wallow in my sour mood. I wasn’t ready to smile and laugh at the wonders of the world. Ignoring him and his thumbtack, I lifted my foot and stepped forward, dodging his sad attempt to distract me.

“Two,” he announced, and another tack scooted across the grain of the floor with the sharp end pointing upward. I grumbled under my breath and took another step. Another tack appeared. “Three.”

“Mordicus.”

“ éan , I can keep this up all night. I assure you that I’m more of a stubborn arse than you are on any given day.”

“It’s night, so it doesn’t fucking matter.” It was a weak comeback, but everything he did aggravated me.

“Day. Night. Eternal sunlight or into the endless night, I’ll always be the corruption, and you’ll be the beauty.” He exhaled slowly.

“What in the fuck does that even mean, Mordicus?” I gave up. This was useless. He was right. I was persistent, but his resolve was relentless.

“I’ll explain it if you sit down. Be a good little bird and sit down for me.” It wasn’t a question. It was an order.

“No.”

“Four.” Another tack soared toward my foot and pricked the side of it.

“Fuck! That one got me.”

“Direct hit! One more, and I sink your battleship.” He laughed.

“Leave me alone, Mordy. Please?” I sighed, doing my best to keep from laughing with him.

“Never! Now. Sit. Your. Arse. Down.” His tone was gruff and stern.

“Why does it matter to you what I’m doing, Mordy? Haven’t we already caused enough damage for one day?” I asked him, defeat seeping into my bones. I huffed, moving the tacks out of my way with a flick of my wrist, and my body lay flat on the floor. The cool surface was comforting and, for a moment, distracted me from my self-hating spiral.

“Aye, lass, but as you pointed out, it’s night. So, we have the entire night to chase the chaos,” his voice uttered, eerily near to me. I turned my head, and my eyes connected with his as he stared at me from under his door.

“Fuck, Mordy!” I spat out quickly, and my eyes widened in shock, but I didn’t move otherwise. I was exhausted. “How long have you been watching me from there like a creep? And why?”

He lightly chuckled. “Why? That’s a loaded question.”

“How so?” I didn’t want to play into his hands, but curiosity got the better of me. It usually did.

“ éan , do people ask a painter why they spend countless hours looking at their model while they make sure each brushstroke is made to perfection?”

“No, but you’re not painting me, Mordy. Unless. No. Are you?” I asked, folding my hands under my cheek, not bothering to move away from him. If I got up and went to the couch, he would follow me. Lying here took less energy.

“Heh. No, but that’s a great idea.” He paused as if letting the idea ruminate. He squinted his eyes, and his typical smirk spread across his face.

“Fine. I’ll bite. What do you mean by that, then?”

“Society doesn’t question artists when they stare at their muses. Do they?”

“No, I guess not.”

“Do they question the hours a musician dedicates to their songs as they practice or compose?”

“Again, no.” I exhaled heavily, wishing he would get to his point and leave me alone.

“What’s the common factor with all of those, lass?” His tongue wet his lips.

“I don’t know, Mordy,” I said in a tired voice. Talking to him was exhausting. My eyes blinked slowly, and I huffed.

“Yes, you do.”

“No.”

“Humor me.” He whispered, “Say it.”

“Fine.” I sighed, staring at him. “I guess all of those things are artists and their creations.” I didn’t bother to voice that they didn’t at all apply to us. Maybe my answer would appease him enough that he would leave me alone to wallow in my self-pity.

“Heh. I guess so, but that’s not exactly the answer I was looking for.”

“Then what, Mordy? Please tell me so I can try to get some sleep.”

“ áilleacht . In all of those, the artist is trying to capture it and make it their own. It gets them high.”

“Huh? Are you high? I’m not following. You all already captured me, hence this house from where I can’t leave.” I lifted my hand and waved it in the air to further prove my point.

Mordy laughed, and his face disappeared from my view. A moment later, his door opened, and he knelt before me. “Come on, lass. You can’t sleep out here.” His hand reached for mine.

“The hell I can’t,” I responded sharply, not taking his hand. “Watch me,” I grumbled, sealing my eyelids together tightly, but quickly released them when he clicked his tongue.

“I do.”

“Mmhmm. Clearly.” I yawned, too tired to think of a snappy comeback, and closed my eyes. I didn’t have to see him to know he was still crouched beside me. A moment later, he was changing positions and stretched out beside me, pushing his butt cheek into my side. “For the love of everything.” My right eyelid opened when a piece of his dark hair brushed against my face, tickling my nose. “What are you doing?”

“Sleeping here, too.”

“Why can’t you just leave me alone, Mordy?” I groaned.

“I wish I knew the answer, lass. I don’t like it any more than you.”

“Bullshit. You enjoy annoying the piss out of me.”

“Aye, but you love making me squirm as well.”

I didn’t respond. He wasn’t getting me to admit I got some kind of sick pleasure out of fucking with his mind. I shrugged.

“You do. I’ll say it, seeing as you are too prideful to admit it. But I will remind you that I am more stubborn than you. I don’t give up. Ever.”

“No, you don’t,” I griped as he wiggled against my hip. “Now, what are you doing?”

“Moving you over, floor hog. If you insist on sleeping out here, so am I.”

“Seriously? Fine! I’ll get up and sleep on the couch. Will you leave me alone then?” I asked, already knowing the answer before he spoke.

“No, éan . You’re sleeping in my bed.” He spoke in a matter-of-fact tone as if I didn’t have an opinion. I did, but if I didn’t agree, he would never let me sleep.

“Why? Are you trying to lure me into your lair so you can kill me quietly?”

“No,” he admitted. “With you, I’m Icarus flying too close to the sun, and I don’t know how to keep my head above water.”

“I don’t even know what that means, but if you kill me, it will put me out of my misery.” I shook my head, accidentally brushing against him on my way to his room.

A hushed moan briefly passed through his lips when my hand unintentionally grazed the outline of his rock-hard cock. “It would put me out of my misery, too, áilleacht éan . But misery loves company, not loneliness.” A smug smile overtook his face, and his eyebrows waggled as he nodded toward his bed.

“Mordicus, I’m not having sex with you,” I said sternly. If that was what he thought was going to happen, he was delusional.

“ éan , I don’t have sex.” He backed me against his bed with his body, reaching around me and grabbing a pillow. His mouth stilled beside my ear before he whispered, “I fuck.”

I was speechless and having a hard time remembering how to breathe. I held my breath for a second then forced myself to do something that I shouldn’t have to think about doing.

Inhale. Exhale.

Air in. Air out.

“Good night, lass. I’m taking the couch.”

I didn’t want to be affected by him, especially not as much as I was. My sides heaved as I breathed in an erratic pattern. I ached to be touched, but I damned sure wasn’t letting his fingertips give my body the relief it begged for. Mordy behaved as if he had no restraint and never held himself back, but the more time I spent with him, I understood that wasn’t entirely true. Mordy was a complicated man with more than questionable morals when they were measured in most aspects of life, except when it came to me.

I gave up, and my body stretched out on his bed, pulling the covers up to my chin. Everything was a mind game when it came to Mordy. I knew this, and yet, I wasn’t able to shake the statement he made about not being able to keep his head above water. I wasn’t familiar with Icarus, but I think I faintly got what he meant by being too close to the sun. We weren’t good for each other. When we were left alone, the result was pain. The first time we met, he drove a blade into my shoulder, and the pain was obvious. When he ripped the shirt off me, it was a slow, infectious hurt. The ache started with the guilt that coursed through my veins as it screeched at me to stop him. When I didn’t listen to the screams of my conscience, the infection spread to Stone as it crept out of my mouth, burrowed into his soul, and shredded his trust. Now, it was more than evident in every unbearable breath I pulled into my body or any impure thought that entered my mind that was associated with Mordy. There was a gigantic gaping hole in the center of my chest where my heart used to be.

I didn’t know much about anything right now, but the only thing I was sure of was the agony that Mordy and I caused not only to each other but to everyone around us. I needed to steer clear of him yet didn’t know how I was supposed to avoid someone when he practically walked in my shadow.