Page 4

Chapter 4

Stone

“ F uck off, we got this,” I said over my shoulder in Mordy’s direction, still pissed at him for crossing a line with my girl. My eyes did not lift from the dishes in front of me. Not really knowing whether he would listen or not, I didn’t see the point of interacting with him more than necessary. I didn’t really care to either. The comment would either add fuel to his fire or send him off to plot his next revenge scheme. Honestly, I didn’t give a shit if he wanted to do it or not. I didn’t want to be around him anymore than I had to be right now. He hadn’t forced Bird to do anything, but the whole situation pissed me off. The connection they had, even if Bird didn’t see it, irritated the shit out of me. I met her physical and emotional needs, but there was a darkness inside her that even I couldn’t hold a candle to. Mordy did. That’s why she was drawn to him, even if she denied it. As much as I loathed it, she didn’t hate him nearly as much as she claimed she did. I wasn’t even sure if she realized it. Fuck. Of course, she didn’t, at least not fully. She believed she hated him, and rightfully so from her perspective, seeing as he stabbed her and the two of them were constantly doing shit to get even with one another.

The thing was, he was doing what he had to do for our club when he cut her, the same as any of us. Each of us had a place within our brotherhood, and Mordy’s happened to be to cause pain. There was a reason why none of us had told him to get fucked and sent him packing a long time ago. I understood Mordy’s motivation in the beginning, but now, not so much. Bird, on the other hand, I didn’t understand how clueless she was when it came to what drove her to settle the score between them time after time. In the beginning, their back and forth spawned from a place of hatred; that was true. Now, the war between them wasn’t any less harmful, but at times, it was almost playful. I tried to ignore it. I really did. But when she laid in my arms last night contemplating her next revenge scheme out loud because he touched her again, it got to me. It ate at me for an entire day, even when I tried my damnedest not to think about it.

Reggy picked up the dirty dishes and put them into the sink as I filled it with water and soap and got to washing them. “What’s the problem with you today?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, glancing at her from my peripheral, having no idea which horrendous problem she wanted me to explain first.

She side glanced at me skeptically and pursed her lips outward. “Stone, I know you’re pissed at both of us, and shit, I would be, too. Well, no, I’d be fucking livid if the roles were reversed because even though it wasn’t something huge in the grand scheme of things, I broke your trust. I don’t have any excuses. I don’t understand why I let him rip your shirt off of me. Does it make up for what happened? No. I know it doesn’t. Fuck, I don’t know what you want me to say, Stone.” Her shoulders rose and fell, and she sighed. “I don’t understand any of this shit going on. I’m not good for anyone right now. Hell, I’m not even good for myself.”

I let out a huff. “I know it’s a lot, Bird. Am I thrilled about Mordy and you connecting on a level that you and I never have? Hell fucking no, and I will never be, but there’s a part of you I can’t connect with.”

“Wow. Okay. Sorry to be a freak of nature. An unreachable alien.” Her eyes widened as she faced me.

“Hey, that’s not what I am saying. Okay?”

She took a plate from me and absentmindedly turned it in her hands under the running water. “What are you saying then?”

I didn’t respond immediately because I didn’t know how to. If I was being honest, I didn’t know what I was saying either. But seeing her so broken was tearing me apart. She wasn’t the same feisty woman who fought me as I carried her to the back of the car against her will. The fire in her had dwindled; the very thing that might save her life if shit went sideways was missing from her, and my club was added to the list of people who wanted her dead. If I wasn’t there to protect her…someone needed to be. I didn’t like what I was considering, but if the options were her death or sharing her with Mordy, as much as I hated the latter, it fucking gutted me to consider the former as a possibility. So, fuck it. If Mordy was the missing link to help her keep the fight inside her, I would have to be fine with whatever road we had to take to get there.

“I’m saying… Fuck! I can’t believe what I’m saying, but…” I paused, taking the dish from her hands and drying it before placing it in the wire dish rack. “It’s okay if you want us both,” I spat the poisonous statement out in a hurry, knowing if I didn’t, I never would. I wasn’t okay with this, but maybe I could be for a temporary fix.

“Are you serious, Stone?” Her voice raised into almost a shriek in disbelief. She picked up a dishrag off the counter, quickly wiping the bubbles off her skin, and her body turned toward me. “What in the fuck do you mean it’s okay to want you both? Are you fucking insane? Like, I knew you were, but I never thought you were certifiable. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. How many times do you want me to say it, Graham? It won’t happen again. Dammit, I sound pathetic. I’m not a cheater. I hate cheaters!” she snapped in a hoarse voice, shaking her head as her eyes closed briefly. “What are you suggesting? That I let you both put me in an Eiffel Tower to punish me? Call me a dirty whore? I don’t know if you remember this or not, but I was a virgin before you, so the idea of taking two dicks isn’t something I see happening any time soon. Not to mention the fact I don’t want to have sex with Mordy. Dammit, Stone! If this is your fucked up way of getting even, don’t. Just don’t. Okay? I’ll be fine on my own. Just turn your head and let me walk out the door. I’m sure Andy or someone from my so-called family will be more than happy to pick me up and do whatever they want to do with me. Hell, why not let me go now? At least if I go to them now, it would save all of us a big fucking headache. It would be a win/win for everyone, right? You can go on without having to babysit me, and my bastard of a dad will finally have to man up and provide shelter for me for the first time in our pathetic lives.”

“Bird, calm the fuck down!” I grabbed her wrist as she turned to leave the room. “This wasn’t supposed to be a punishment. It was… Hell. I don’t know what I meant by it. I don’t want anyone else’s hands all over what’s mine. The thought of it makes me blind with rage. You have to know that,” I admit, hating myself for suggesting it but not taking it back. It might be a necessary evil to save her life. If she gives up, she’s as good as dead. There was no telling what the Falbos or Angeloffs had in mind for her, but I was certain it was a thousand times worse than letting her explore whether she had feelings for Mordy or not. I’d shared a girl with Sticks before; sharing women in the past didn’t bother me, but it did when it came to her. Maybe it was the fact the person I considered sharing the woman I loved with was a thorn in my side.

“Calm down? Are you listening to yourself? This is confusing as shit.” It was. She was right. I didn’t like the idea any more than she did. No one held a gun to my head to bring this up. This was my idea and no one else’s.

“Just think about it. Reggy, you say you trust me. I believe you believe that you do. But you don’t.” I stopped, thinking about the two times I’d held a gun to her head. She might never forgive me for doing it the second time, regardless of the fact I would have never pulled the trigger. Her mouth popped open, and I held my hand up, hoping she would actually let me finish my thoughts.

“I don’t blame you for not completely trusting me.” I paused again, thinking about twice holding the gun to her head, and shuddered. She might never forgive me for doing it the second time, regardless of the reason. “It’s my fault. I used your life for leverage, and even though I would have never pulled the trigger, you didn’t know that I wouldn’t. Hell, I would gut anyone else for doing that to you. I’m so fucking sorry I ever put you in that situation, Bird. The thing is, though, until you fully forgive me, we don’t have a future. What kind of relationship can we have when it is built on lies and violence? I fucking love you, Regina. I really do. I didn’t want this to be the first time I said it, but I wanted you to hear it. You need to hear it because I’m afraid you’ll think you don’t mean anything to me. You mean fucking everything to me, Bird. I’m terrified that I’m going to lose you completely. Every aspect of my life is fucking toxic, and I’m perfectly okay with it in most aspects. In fact, I fucking love the thrill of it, but I don’t want that with you. I don’t want secrets and distrust to be the foundation of our love.”

“You fucking love me?” she yells, tears streaming down her face. “Why tell me if you’re going to rip my heart out of my chest in the same breath? I thought Mordy was heartless, but you take the gold trophy in that competition, buddy. Do you even hear yourself, Stone? What sense does it make to say you don’t want to lose me when you are literally pushing me away?”

“I’m doing this because I love you, Bird. I know you can’t see that right now, but I am.” My hand reached for hers, and she jerked it away quickly.

“Don’t touch me!”

“Okay.” I didn’t argue. I was exhausted, but I was used to the ups and downs of life. She wasn’t. She shoved past me as she shook her head silently. When her eyes found mind, pure hatred glared at me. She was fuming. She may never forgive me for this. I might not either, but I refused to be selfish with her.

Before she was on our MC’s radar, her life was easy. Well, easy might not be the right word to describe her past. Normal. Before I cut her off in traffic and then lied my way into her college English course to spy on her, she had a fairly normal life from what Intel we had dug up on her. She didn’t have me pointing guns at her or have to deal with Mordy’s crazy antics before us. Letting her go should be an easy decision if that was the life she would return to, but it wasn’t. The difference between her past and present was the veil of lies had been lifted, and now she saw how ugly the world around her was. Her life had been in jeopardy since she took her first breath, even though she wasn’t aware of the danger. It was only a matter of time before the sins of her father caught up with her.

Her feet stilled, and she slowly turned to face me. Her hand passed in front of my stomach, disappearing beneath the suds as she pulled the stopper out of the sink. “Congratulations,” she said in a defeated voice barely above a whisper, fighting back more tears as she dropped the stopper on my palm.

“Congratulations?” I questioned her, not sure if I heard her correctly.

“Yes. Congratu-fucking-lations. I love you, too, and you’re an asshole.” Her eyes found mine again, and the silence around us at this moment said it all. I’d wrecked everything. I’d wrecked us.

I slowly nodded and then shook my head in disagreement. There were so many emotions dancing in my body right now; there came a time in every person’s life when they needed to face the truth. I had to let her go entirely to save her from all of this. If we had a future, we needed a fresh start.

“This is the end of us, isn’t it?”

“For now, but I hope it isn’t forever, Bird. I know you’re hurting right now. I feel like my heart has been ripped into shreds, but we deserve honesty, and that means being honest not only with each other but with ourselves. You have to know this isn’t what I want, but I can’t give you what you need. Not fully.”

“Yeah, I bet you’re in so much pain and agony after getting your dick wet this morning, aren’t you? Sounds fucking miserable,” she sarcastically spewed through gritted teeth as she stared up at me with a newfound pain glistening behind her eyes.

“It’s not like that, okay? Do I want to tell you any of this? No. I want to go on acting blissfully unaware of the fact you want my brother, but I can’t. It’s not being fair to you.”

“Not fair to me? No. Get fucked, Graham. You’re not putting this on me. I’ll take the blame for what I have done, but destroying our relationship by telling me it’s okay to want you and Mordy; that is on you. This isn’t a good idea. It isn’t something I want.”

“You do, Regina,” I said more hatefully than I intended, letting my jealousy get the best of me. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she used the back of her hand to swipe them off her skin.

“No, Graham…” She sniffed and then straightened her back, putting up a brick wall between us. “You do, and this will come back to bite you in the ass. Trust me.”

“Is that a threat?” I asked, knowing it wasn’t, but I’d said it anyway. This woman was infuriating. She was capable of bringing me to my knees with a single smile, but she also brought out the worst in me because despite how I felt about her, sometimes, I just wanted to grab her and shake some sense into her.

“Ha! No, it is the fucking truth. Have you heard of it? I don’t want any of this, Stone. I do not want Mordy. Fuck!” she wailed, new tears cresting on her lower eyelids. “Not a threat. Not the enemy,” she held her hands up, “but this won’t end well. But, hey, I wouldn’t want to offend you by speaking the truth again?—”

“Just forget it, Bird.” I cut her rant short, reaching for her, and she recoiled from my touch. Ouch! That fucking stung. I don’t know what I thought would happen by pointing out the obvious and trying to make our future better, but her losing her ever-loving mind wasn’t on the list of possibilities. “Let’s just go to bed. Can we do that? We can talk about this in the morning.”

“No. I wouldn’t want to be accused of being a lying sack of shit who wants to fuck Mordy!” she said in a raspy voice before clamping her mouth shut. She dashed out of the kitchen, and I followed her.

She stomped down the hallway and into our room, grabbing everything in sight that belonged to her and stuffing it under her arms. I leaned against the doorframe, knowing if I got in her way, she might start swinging. There was no talking to her right now, and I knew it was my fault. Well, kind of. This was on her, too, but she didn’t see it yet. Maybe in the morning… No, when she was pissed, there was no talking reason to her. This was the woman who had risked her own fucking life by swallowing a bag of drugs to try and keep her and her best friend alive, and that was only one of the times she did something drastic when she was being irrational.

When things started falling out of her grasp, and she continued to try to stuff more things in their place beneath her arms, I cleared my throat. She shot daggers at me as she bent down and took her pillow off her side of the bed, lifting the case with her teeth.

“Regina, that’s enough. Fuck! I get the point. You’re pissed. We don’t have to sleep in the same room. I’ll sleep on the couch until things cool down, and we can talk about this.”

She pushed past me and noisily trudged to the living room, randomly dropping some of her belongings along the way. She returned as quickly as she left and stopped in front of me with a huff. Maybe she realized how ridiculous she was being with all of this. Thank God! “Want to talk about this?” I asked.

“I’m taking the couch!” She went back into the bedroom, passed the bed, and disappeared into the bathroom. She returned a second later, holding her toothbrush. “I didn’t want to take your toothpaste, so I’ll share with Mordy. Maybe by the end of the night, I will be riding his cock, and you can join in by going balls deep into my mouth. Maybe then, we can be one big hunky-fucking-dory cum slinging happy family. Would that make you happy?” She paused, and when I didn’t answer, she growled, “Piss all the way off, Graham, and when you think you’re far enough, you can piss off again!”

I opened my mouth to the give her a smartass remark, but nothing came out. I had absolutely nothing. I should chase after her, but there was no reasoning with her at the moment, and there probably wouldn’t be for some time. I hadn’t thought she would react this badly, but I’d also known this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation. Despite how this ended, I would stand by my decision. Until she actually knew what she wanted, we didn’t have a future.