Page 59 of Beautiful Trauma

He should have left me.

Because I deserved it for what I’d done to him.

Men like Kellan were so very rare, even more so in the underworld. Instead of appreciating what I’d been blessed to cross paths with, I’d trampled all over it. I’d thrown potential happiness away with both hands because I’d allowed my father to dictate my life.

Despite what I’d done to him, Kellan could somehow still show me compassion. More than that, he’d risked his life for me. And I didn’t deserve it.

I never would.

That thought broke my heart. With each tear, I hoped to purge myself of the pain. But it didn’t come.

After cleaning my face, Kellan picked me up off the floor and carried me back into the bedroom. He eased me onto the bedbefore wrapping the covers around me. As I continued to cry, he rubbed circles over my back.

I don’t know how long I lay like that before I was swept under the rough waves of trauma into a troubled sleep.

When I woke up again, I was alone in bed. At first, panic surged through me that Kellan had left. Relief flooded me at the sound of his hushed voice in the bathroom.

He hadn’t left me.

Slowly, I eased out of bed and tiptoed closer to the door, so I could hear what he was saying. It was then that I realized he had the person on speaker phone. At the sound of a woman’s voice, I stiffened.

“I don’t know how to help her, Maeve.”

When I realized he was talking to his sister, I relaxed. “There’s nothing you can do except be there for her just like you were for me.”

“But what happened to her is so different from what happened to you. Not to mention my feelings are so different.”

“You care for her very much, don’t you?”

“Even though I hate myself for it, I do.”

Agony rippled through my chest at his words. I hated that I'd put him in a position where he had to regret having feelings for me.

“You can’t help how you feel.”

“Every time I want to believe that, I remember how she betrayed me and our family.”

“So did Rafe and I, remember?”

“It’s not the same. Rafe didn’t want to honor a marriage contract because he loved you. He didn’t betray you to get information for his family.”

“He still betrayed his family and mine when he first refused to marry Drea.”

At Kellan’s ragged sigh, Maeve said, “Just follow your heart, Kellan. It’s never led you wrong. If you truly feel something for this girl, don’t discredit it.”

“Okay. I will.”

“I love you. And I’m here whenever you need me.”

“I love you, too.”

As he started to hang up, I flew back over to the bed. Instead of coming out of the bathroom, the shower turned on.

Despite having every reason to walk away, Kellan never would. The knight in shining armor within him would never allow that. For whatever reason, he’d trauma-bonded himself to me.

That feeling should’ve been a beacon of light in my dark world. But it wasn’t. Only regret and remorse swelled in my chest.

Now that I was a victim, he’d forget all the reasons he had to hate and resent me. At least for the moment. But they would lie dormant just beneath the surface. And just when we might have a future, they’d rise to the surface.