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DAVINA

My husband is dead.

Some mornings I forgot ... until the reality sank in.

I squeezed my eyes shut to cool the burn and soothe the hangover. My head was throbbing, and I could do with some water and aspirin, but judging by the dishes clinking from afar and the missing wineglass that had been on my nightstand the night before, my sister was still around.

If I left this room, she’d make me leave my house to shake things up . Though we’d had a few drinks last night to celebrate Lew’s birthday early, I wasn’t up for much that morning.

There was a knock on the door, and I buried myself deeper beneath the comforter. “Go away,” I groaned.

I heard Octavia’s footsteps as she rounded the bed, then felt the mattress dip as she sat at the bottom of it. The weight of her hand pressed down on my leg, and silence lingered for a few seconds before she said, “You know it’s almost one o’clock.”

“Yeah. So?”

“So, what can I do to get you out of bed, sis?”

Nothing. There was nothing she could do to get me out of this bed right now. If I could have, I would’ve molded to it.

When I didn’t answer, she yanked the cover down, and I tried yanking it back up, but she had a better grip and threw the whole thing onto the floor.

“Davina, come on. I need you to get out of bed. I love you too much to let you rot in here.”

“I’m grieving,” I grumbled, pressing a hand to my forehead.

“Oh, now you want to grieve?”

I frowned. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“All you do is work, and if you’re not working, you’re pretending to be busy with other things. The only reason that rebranding party isn’t happening is because Tish didn’t think it should be so close to Lew’s birthday. You agreed with her for a reason. I’ve hardly seen you cry since the week he died.”

I burrowed my face into the pillow. I hated that she was right. Other than that day I’d realized he was dead, I hadn’t cried much—not because I hadn’t wanted to, but because I’d known that if I did, I wouldn’t stop.

There had been a few tears here and there, but I’d never really sat and let it hit me. I’d never let the emotions take over until I was a blubbering mess who could hardly breathe.

“I bought your favorite Native soap—that coconut-and-vanilla one you like. I went to Target while you were sleeping and got some of that, a new body scrub, and some DOVE chocolates. I know you love those.” I cracked one eye open, and she was smiling as she slid closer. “Yeah, I got you with the chocolates, didn’t I? All you have to do is walk to the kitchen and get them.”

“I don’t feel like getting up, Tavia.”

“Please get up, Vina. If not for me, do it for Lew.”

At the second mention of his name, both of my eyes peeled open, and that quick action made my head throb. I stared at my little sister in all her natural glory—her golden brown skin and big round eyes. The tiny mole above her upper lip, which girls from our school used to think she penciled in. Her full lips, which always made her look like she was doing a cute pout.

The tips of her straw-size locs were long enough to touch her collarbones, but today she had them pulled up into a pineapple. She was one of those people who didn’t need makeup to stand out. She was effortlessly beautiful and had been since she was born.

“Lew wouldn’t want you stuck in bed like this so close to his birthday, and you know it.” Octavia’s eyes glistened, and I don’t know what it was about her eyes that day, but they caused a wrenching in my chest. My sister wasn’t much of a crier, either, but I think seeing me like this was doing something to her.

Oh, God. I couldn’t be that person—the type to ruin someone’s mood through bitterness and selfish acts. She needed me just as much as I needed her right now.

“You’re right.” I pushed up on one elbow and gazed down at my ratty shorts and the UNCC hoodie that Lew gave me when we first started dating. Well, he didn’t give it to me. It was more that I kept it because it was comfortable and never gave it back.

“Yeah?” Octavia’s sad brown eyes lit up as she grinned. She hopped off the bed and said, “Cool. I’ll get you some Advil.”

She hurried out of the room, and I hoisted myself up to rest my back against the headboard. I cradled my head in one of my hands, sighing.

When Octavia returned and passed me the ibuprofen and a bottle of water, the doorbell rang.

“Who is that?” I asked.

Octavia went to the window to peer out. “Not sure. There’s a white van with flowers on it.” She glanced at me before leaving the room again.

I heard some distant chatting after she answered the door, a laugh from Octavia, and then the door closing again.

When she returned, she said, “It was a flower delivery. Are you dating somebody and didn’t tell me?”

“What? No! What are you talking about? They’re probably from someone at work. The whole company knows I rescheduled the party so I could have time to myself.”

“Oh.” Octavia’s eyes bounced around. “Well, come on. Go shower, and I’ll make you a really late breakfast, lazy ass. Something greasy should get you back on your feet.”

I huffed a laugh, then palmed my head again. “Oh my gosh, Tavia. Don’t make me laugh right now, please.”

Octavia planted a hand on her hip. “No one told you to drink a whole bottle of wine last night. That was your grown-woman choice, and now you’re paying for it.”

Oh yeah. It was a full bottle, wasn’t it? I hadn’t drunk in months, but I went to the market last night and collected a bottle of my favorite red wine. I downed the whole thing like it was water. I wanted to avoid the emotion—to fight the ache. It didn’t help much.

I groaned on my way to the bathroom. When I shut the door behind me, I faced the mirror. I looked horrible. Absolutely horrible . My hair was sticking up all over the place and appeared matted in some areas. My skin was chalky and dry from so many tears, and my lips were chapped.

I dragged my hands down the length of my face before planting them on the countertop. I lowered my head, letting my eyes close for a second before drawing in a breath, exhaling, and opening them again.

My gaze flickered over the counter to Lew’s favorite hair pomade that I still didn’t have the balls to move or throw away. Some mornings, I liked to open it and smell it.

We used to spend so many mornings in this bathroom getting ready together. He’d be doing his weekly shave, and I’d be popping an earring in or applying makeup. We’d always been in each other’s way without fully being in the way, and I’d loved it. I would’ve given anything to have those days back.

I stood up straight and swiped at my eyes, turning for the shower to start it. But the shower was just another reminder of what we had. All the laughter, the making out, the sex .

I washed up and tossed a cotton robe on. I tied it at the waist, moisturized as much of my body as I could stand before my head started spinning, then left the bathroom.

Octavia was in the kitchen, scrambling eggs while bacon sizzled in a skillet. She peered over her shoulder when she heard me coming and said, “There she is! Don’t you feel better?”

“Don’t even.” I noticed a burst of color in my peripheral and turned my attention to the dining table. There was a large bouquet of pink, white, and yellow tulips with white carnations hugging them from the outside.

Tulips weren’t a common flower I’d received. Most people sent white roses and lilies—even gardenias. But tulips ? That was different.

“I didn’t check, but who do you think those are from?” Octavia asked over her shoulder.

“I’m not sure,” I murmured, unable to take my eyes off the flowers. I spotted a white card on a pick in the center of the bouquet and plucked it off.

My first name was printed on the thick cream envelope. I flipped it open, took out the card, and read it.

Davina,

I am so sorry that I’m just now finding out about your loss. I know we just met, and I’m several months late, but I hope these flowers make up for my lack of awareness and can bring some light to your day. Here if you need me.

Deke

“Oh. Wow. ”

Deke’s name was the last one I expected. He must’ve heard about Lew through Arnold. Tish did tell me she was going to reach out to him first about rescheduling the party to make sure Deke’s schedule aligned.

“What?” Octavia set a plate down on the glass table. “Who is it from?”

“Um ...” I read Deke’s name again, waiting to see if it’d transform to someone else’s, but nope. It was his. “Just a colleague.” I sat as Octavia went back to the kitchen, murmuring the words orange juice .

I couldn’t stop staring at the flowers. They were gorgeous, and on this gloomy day, they truly had brought a little light. But it wasn’t the beauty of the flowers that had me so surprised to see them. It was the significance.

I’d mentioned tulips being my favorite flower at the photo shoot a few weeks prior. I couldn’t believe he remembered such a small detail about me—something so minuscule during a mindless conversation.

I picked up my fork and smiled.