Page 37 of Beastkin
I ran a hand through my fur, trying to organize my scattered thoughts. How could I explain what was happening to me when I barely understood it myself?
“It’s not that simple,” I said finally. “We’re not the same people we were back then. You’ve been living one life, and I’ve been living another. And now suddenly we’re thrown back together and expected to just... what? Be best friends again?”
“Why does that sound so terrible?” Phoenix asked, hurt flashing across his face. “I thought you wanted your friend back.”
“I did! I do,” I corrected quickly. “But it’s...”
“Complicated,” he finished for me. “You keep saying that. What exactly is complicated about it, Karrick?”
The way he said my name sent a shiver down my spine. Standingthere in the dappled sunlight, with his dark hair falling into those fiery eyes, Phoenix looked like something from a dream. My dream, specifically. The one that had me jerking off in the woods just this morning.
“Everything is complicated,” I growled, frustration and desire making my voice rougher than usual. “You show up out of nowhere after all these years, looking right through me like I’m nothing. Then suddenly you remember everything, and you’re throwing yourself into my arms, and I don’t know what to do with that!”
“So you’re avoiding me?” Phoenix took another step closer. “That’s your solution?”
“I’m not avoiding you,” I lied. “I’m just... processing.”
“Processing what?” he demanded, his hands balling into fists at his sides. I could feel the temperature rising around us, his fire magic responding to his emotions. “Tell me what’s going on, Karrick. I deserve to know. Why are you treating me like some sort of pariah?”
He was right. He did deserve to know. But how could I tell him that every time I looked at him, I imagined pressing him against a tree and kissing him until neither of us could breathe? That I’d spent the morning fantasizing about his hands, his mouth, his body beneath mine? That I was terrified of these new feelings because they threatened to change everything about how I saw myself?
“I don’t know how to be around you,” I admitted finally. “Everything feels different now.”
Phoenix’s expression softened. “Different how?”
I looked away.
“Different how?” Phoenix repeated, taking another step closer.
My heart slammed against my ribs so hard I thought it might break through. The smell of cinnamon and woodsmoke was stronger now, making my head spin. I wanted to back away, to put distance between us, but my feet seemed rooted to the spot. Something inside me felt like howling. I wasn’t sure why.
“I don’t know how to explain it,” I muttered, staring at theground between us. “It’s like... everything I thought I knew about myself is suddenly up for questioning.”
“Because of me?” His voice was so quiet I almost didn’t hear it.
I forced myself to look up, to meet those burning orange eyes. “Y-Yes.”
The word hung between us, heavy with implications neither of us seemed ready to voice. Phoenix’s face was flushed, a rosy tint spreading across his cheeks that made my stomach flip.
“I’ve been feeling something too,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “These... new feelings. They’re confusing and intense and...” He trailed off, swallowing hard. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
The admission sent a jolt of electricity straight to my groin. My already uncomfortable situation became almost unbearable as my cock strained against my jeans. I pulled my hoodie down further, trying to cover it up.
“Phoenix,” I warned, taking a step back. “You don’t understand what you’re saying.”
“I do,” he insisted, following me step for step. “I might have forgotten you for a while, but I know myself, Karrick. And what I’m feeling isn’t just friendship. It’s more. And it’s not… It’s not new.”
“How can you be so sure?” I demanded, frustration and desire making my voice rougher than I intended. “We were kids when we knew each other. Now we’re practically strangers.”
“Are we?” Phoenix reached out, his fingers hovering just inches from my arm. “Because it doesn’t feel that way to me. It feels like... like finding a part of myself I didn’t know was missing. I’ve liked you ever since I was a kid. I just didn’t know what it was back then. But I do now.”
His words hit me like a physical blow, echoing my own confused thoughts so perfectly it left me breathless. I’d spent years trying to forget him, to bury the pain of his absence, and now he was standing in front of me offering something I hadn’t even known I wanted until yesterday.
“I’m scared,” I admitted, the words feeling strange on my tongue. I wasn’t used to admitting fear. I was Karrick Laurent, linebacker, Beastkin, and a survivor. I didn’t get scared.
Except apparently, I did.
“Of what?” Phoenix asked, his hand finally making contact with my arm.