Page 34 of Beastkin
“Sorry, Coach,” I called back, forcing myself to tear my gaze away from Phoenix. “Won’t happen again.”
But even as I said it, I could feel the heat of Phoenix’s stare burning into my back. My cock throbbed painfully against my cup, and I had to bite back a groan. This was worse than yesterday. At least then I’d only been dealing with memories and confusion. Now I had to contend with the very real, very present object of my fantasies sitting right there, watching me make an ass of myself. Not to mention, I’d just jerked off about him this morning which had undoubtedly made itmuchworse.
“You sure you’re okay, man?” Silver jogged over during a water break, his purple skin glistening with sweat. “You’re playing like your mind is somewhere else entirely.”
I glanced toward the stands, where Phoenix was still sitting alone, his chin resting on his hand as he observed our practice withwhat looked like genuine interest. “Just distracted,” I muttered, taking a long drink from my water bottle.
“By what?” Silver followed my gaze, and his eyebrows shot up when he spotted Phoenix. “Oh. Oh shit, Karrick. Is that the guy? The one from when you were kids? Wasn’t he ignoring you?”
My chest tightened. “Yeah.”
“And he’s here because...?”
“Because he wants to talk,” I said, the words tasting bitter in my mouth. “And apparently he meant it when he said he’d wait until I wasn’t busy. I just didn’t realize he was going to follow me around the entire time.”
Silver whistled low. “Damn. That’s some dedication.” He studied Phoenix for a moment, then looked back at me with a knowing expression. “No wonder you can’t concentrate. He’s hot.”
I choked on my water. “What?” I had no idea Silver was into guys. “What are you talking about?!”
“Come on, man. I have eyes.” Silver grinned, showing sharp teeth. “And so do you, apparently. The way you keep looking at him... that’s not just friendship, is it?”
Heat flooded my cheeks beneath my fur. Was I really that obvious? “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Bullshit.” Silver’s grin widened. “You’re into him. Like, really into him.”
I wanted to deny it, but the words stuck in my throat. Because Silver was right. I was into Phoenix in ways that terrified and thrilled me in equal measure.
“It’s complicated,” I finally managed. Then I grabbed him by the front of his pads, pulling him away from the others. “And shut the fuck up about it, dude. Jesus. I don’t want the whole team thinking I’m?—”
I snapped my mouth shut, realizing how that must sound.
“I’m gonna assume that didn’t sound like you meant it,” Silver said, his mouth pressed into a thin line. “And that you weren’t just about to say that word.”
“No!” I sputtered. “Gods no! Dude… I’m…” I shrugged, trying not to panic. Silver was a great friend to me. I didn’t give a shit if he liked guys. “Look, I’m confused right now. And surprised. But I’m not a dickhead. I would never call you…that.”
“Good,” Silver nodded. “Now do you want to explain why this guy has you wound up like you got a spring in your ass?”
I ran my hands through my dark fur, feeling the dampness of sweat and stress. “We grew up together,” I said quietly, glancing around to make sure none of the other guys were close enough to overhear. “Best friends. Then his parents found out he was hanging around a Beastkin and they... they took him away. Made him forget me completely.Magically.”
Silver’s expression shifted from teasing to serious. “Shit, man. That’s fucked up.”
“Yeah, well, he got his memories back yesterday. All of them.” I stole another glance at Phoenix, who was now leaning forward slightly, his elbows resting on his knees as he watched us talk. Even from this distance, I could see the intensity in those orange eyes. “And now I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do with that.”
“Talk to him?” Silver suggested, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“It’s not that simple.” I lowered my voice even further. “The things I’m feeling... they’re not just friendship, Silver. And that scares the shit out of me.”
Silver studied my face for a long moment. “You’ve never been with a guy before.”
It wasn’t a question, and I found myself nodding. “Never even thought about it. Not until...” I trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.
“Until him.”
“Yeah.” The admission felt like a weight lifting off my chest and settling there all at once. “I jerked off thinking about him this morning, Silver. In the fucking woods like some kind of animal. What does that make me?”
“Human,” Silver said simply. “Or, you know, whatever the Beastkin equivalent is. Look, sexuality isn’t always black and white, Karrick. Maybe you’re gay, maybe you’re bi, maybe Phoenix is just your exception. Does it really matter what label you put on it?”
I stared at him, surprised by the wisdom in his words even though it annoyed the shit out of me. “It’s more complicated than that.”