Page 9

ANDY

Kevin made me log out for the weekend and I’m staring out the front window of my house, bored. What the fuck do people do for fun? I know I miss being a Daddy, but what the hell did I do before that? Before becoming boring?

Andy: What do you do for fun?

Kevin: Weekly Bridge games.

Andy: You’re fucking with me?

Kevin: Yep! We do go out to Game With Us every couple of weeks to play board games with people, though. It’s a lot of fun. If you get a new Little, maybe they’ll like it too.

Andy: I was never one for board games or card games.

Kevin: Lies! I remember your Pokemon phase.

Andy: Don’t remind me.

That was a lot of fun, though. But I have no desire to get back into it.

Kevin: Maybe you’ll find a Little that needs to figure out hobbies too and you can discover something fun together.

Wouldn’t that be a dream?

Kevin: Excited for tonight? Have you talked to anyone?

Andy: There’s this sweet guy named Trevor that doesn’t have a Daddy that I volunteered to be his weekend Daddy.

Kevin: Heck yeah! I hope you two click! I hope he’s your dream boy.

I sigh. That would be lovely.

Andy: It’ll be a nice trial run.

Kevin: True. True. Tell me all about it Monday, ‘kay?

Andy: Will do. Thanks for pushing me.

Kevin: You just needed a tiny nudge ;)

I go back to staring out the window. Kevin really is right though, I’ve become a boring stiff that doesn’t know how to have fun. What if Trevor thinks I’m boring?

No, tonight is going to be a blast, I just know it. But just in case…

I rush to my guest room, well, guess room now.

It used to be Ryan’s playroom, but when we broke up, I painted over the bright murals with blue gray paint and furnished it with a queen sized bed and matching dresser.

I long to make it a Little paradise again though.

I kept a few things and rummage through the top dresser drawer to find the stuffie I’m looking for.

A small purple teddy with a magnet in its bottom so I can wear the stuffie on my shoulder.

He’s silly, but I love it and I think it’ll make Trevor laugh.

My heart aches realizing how long I’ve forced myself to suffer. My smile falters. I hadn’t realized how much I miss being a Daddy. Being someone’s person. Holding this small bear in my hands rips open all my old raw emotions.

When Ryan left, that was the beginning, but things spiraled out until I punished myself for something I had no control over. What the hell have I done? I drop into the bed and flop back, staring at the unmoving ceiling fan.

I need tonight. It doesn’t have to be perfect, not even close. I just need to take care of someone. I squeeze the small teddy close and kiss the top of its head. Tonight everything changes.