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Heavy

*Ren*

T he sun burned bright and hot as we exited the ruins the next day with the recording tucked safely in my pack. Luckily, the mud wasn’t too bad, and by midmorning we were back to walking on mostly dry topsoil. The jungle was as beautiful and loud as ever, buzzing with countless insects and animal calls. Now that our mission was nearly through, with only the long hike back to complete, I almost wished I could stay a little longer.

But I couldn’t help missing my friends. “I’m gonna call the Verne with an update,” I said once the hiking was easy.

“I’ll trek ahead. Give you some privacy.”

“Thanks.” As Jalen hurried out of earshot, I tapped my neck. “Verne, come in. It’s Ren.”

Arda’s voice rang through my ears a moment later. “Ren, it’s good to hear from you. How did your search go?”

For some reason, I hadn’t been able to use my comm implant within the old research facility, so this was the first report I’d made since we’d ventured inside. “It’s a good thing I went instead of you. There was an ancient computer that needed fixing.”

“And you made it your bitch, I bet?”

“Basically…” I chuckled. “We’re headed back now with a lot of info that’ll need to be translated.”

“That’s fantastic! I knew you could do it. There have been some interesting developments here, but nothing you need to worry about. In fact, I think it’ll be a fun surprise when you get back.”

“Come on, you know I hate surprises.”

Arda clicked her tongue teasingly, and I knew I’d never get it out of her. Then she cleared her throat. “Now… how about you tell me what’s going on with that man of yours? Did you make him your bitch yet, too?”

“Not quite, but I’m coming around to the idea.” Might help that the man in question hadn’t stopped making me come. It was getting kind of ridiculous, but we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We’d fucked two more times before leaving the ruins, and I was already itching for another go.

“Aww. I’m so happy for you, Ren.” Arda fell quiet for a moment before she asked, “So you guys talked, right?”

“We did.” I’d shared things with Jalen I was still keeping secret from my best friends. Neither of us were perfect, but I couldn’t deny that we fit. It was like all our experiences had shaped us into two imperfect beings who were just right for each other. “I honestly never thought I’d say this, but I think he’s perfect for me.”

“If that’s the case, what’s stopping you from pulling the trigger? It can’t be comfortable dealing with those heat symptoms.”

“It’s not so bad with the tablets.” Still, the meds weren’t meant to work forever. And now that Jalen and I were getting freaky regularly, they weren’t working as well as they had a few days ago. “I guess I just want to be really sure.”

“I can understand that. If I were in your shoes, I’d want the same.” She chuckled. “In a way, I was in your place when I met Lux. Pherians mate for life, too, you know.”

“It’s just so different from how we do things. When divorce isn’t an option, it feels so heavy . What helped you decide what to do?”

“Lux being there for me no matter what. Plus, when I looked ahead at the future, I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it.” Arda giggled, and with her next words, I could picture her on the Verne ’s bridge, waggling her brows. “The incredible sex was hard to pass up, too.”

“True, that would be hard to give up.”

“Ooo, now look who’s holding back secrets from me? When are you planning to dish on all your test drives?”

My cheeks burned. I was glad Arda couldn’t see how badly I must be blushing. “How did you know there was more than one?”

“Puh-lease, I was there when you met him, remember? I don’t think there’s a woman alive who’d be able to resist hopping on that ride more than once. Unless she was already happily settled, of course.”

“Yeah… right. I think there’re some secrets better left unsaid.”

Arda scoffed. “Fine. Keep the dirty details to yourself. It is good, though, right?”

I smirked. “Let’s just say you might want to invest in a pair of noise-canceling headphones, too.”

Her delighted laughter spilled through my ears. “Oh, before I forget, have you given any thought to my proposal? Or should I say, has Jalen?”

I adjusted my pack’s straps with a sigh. “Actually, I haven’t brought it up.” Once Arda realized I was seriously considering becoming Jalen’s mate, she’d offered him a spot on board the Verne as a resident botanist. He certainly had the knack for it… “It seemed a little premature to mention it when I haven’t decided if I’m ready to mate for life yet.”

“Once you do, if you do, don’t forget to ask him! And remember, whatever you decide, I’m happy for you. But… let’s hope he says yes.”

“Thanks, Capt.”

As I ended the call, the weight of the life-changing decision I needed to make hung over me. I just hoped that the long hike through the jungle would give me the clarity I needed to make it.

*Ren*

We arrived at Onatel at midmorning a couple days later. I halted outside the gate. “Do you mind if I hang here while you head in? I need to hop on my comms.” My heart pounded, but I ignored it, forcing a smile.

“Certainly. I won’t be long.” With a parting grin, Jalen entered the village.

A quick stop was all we had time for if we wanted to arrive at the river at an optimal time to cross. Jalen could handle filling the official in on what he’d learned about the smugglers. I had something else I’d been putting off that might be just as important.

My pulse revved higher as I activated my comms. As I waited for the call to connect, my mind warred with conflicting thoughts.

Don’t pick up.

No, you need this.

Fuck… Don’t pick up.

Can’t start your future with the past hanging over you…

“Hello? Cassidy speaking.”

Silence fell between us before I finally spat out, “It’s me. Ren.”

“Hey, it’s about time. I thought with you here, we’d have a chance to catch up. I didn’t realize the mere mention of a conversation with me would make you run into the jungle.” Cassidy kept her tone light, but I couldn’t mistake the tinge of hurt hiding within her words.

“I’m sorry, Cass. I guess I still wasn’t ready when I got here. But I think I am now.”

“I’m glad to hear that. So, what changed your mind?”

I sighed. “A lot of things, actually. The truth is, there’s been something that I’ve been keeping from you that I should’ve told you. I realize now that when you came back into my life, I wasn’t in a place to give you any trust. But now, I’d like to change that.”

“I’d like that too. I want us to be close again, like when we were kids. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I should’ve fought harder for you when my parents didn’t go back to adopt you.”

One of the first things Cass had done when we were reunited as teens was apologize—profusely—for how our adoption played out. “I get it. You were just a kid.”

Honestly, I truly didn’t blame her. I knew it was her parents who had chosen not to come back for me. They were the ones who had insisted on sealing Cassidy’s records while she was a minor, keeping her from finding me until after she turned eighteen. But that knowledge hadn’t helped me trust her. Not after everything I’d been through.

“I mean it, Ren. I wish I’d never met them. Then we’d have grown up together like we were meant to.”

I’d had the same thought countless times. But this time, the words felt wrong.

“No. Both of us need to stop living with regrets. If our lives had turned out any differently, we wouldn’t be here right now. How would you feel if you’d never met Rhelt, Cassidy?”

“You’re right. That would be a tragedy.” She paused before adding, “Funny. I got the feeling you didn’t like Rhelt.”

There was a reason for that. But I didn’t want to get into the why behind it until we talked in person. “Maybe I’m starting to see things differently now that I’ve met someone, too.”

“You have!” Cassidy squealed. “Oh my god, is it Jalen?”

“It is.”

“Oh, yay! I don’t know why—I don’t even know him that well, really only from stories Rhelt has told me—but for some weird reason, I knew Jalen would be perfect for you.”

I chuckled. “I guess some of those freaky twin skills are still intact.” I added another thing to the list of topics to cover once we were face-to-face. Now didn’t seem the right time to spill about the warning we’d dug up at that facility, or what it had caused our mates to do. Not while Cass could barely contain her excitement.

“Are you two mated yet?” she asked.

“Not yet.”

“You won’t regret it. Trust me.” She sighed contentedly. “Rhelt made our first time so… incredible. I’m sure Jalen will too—”

“Thanks, Cass.” I cut her off before she got too detailed. “Listen, I need to go, but I’d like to talk more once I get back to the Verne . In person this time.”

“I’d like that. Love you, Sis.”

My heart squeezed and my voice wobbled a little as I replied, “Love you, too.”

As the call cut off, tension seeped out of my muscles, and a strange lightness overcame me. We might not be thick as thieves like when we were kids just yet, but taking the first step toward reconciling with my sister gave me a sense of relief I hadn’t realized I’d been missing.

That wasn’t so hard after all.

Maybe it was time I stopped delaying another important conversation…