Page 32

32

Complete Panic

*Ren*

I stared at Jalen with dawning horror as the gravity of his question sank in. Fuck. I know my resting bitch face is on point, but he doesn’t actually believe that, does he?

Then again, it wasn’t so long ago that a similar thought had crossed my mind. I’d dismissed it back then, and that was before he showed me—yet again—that he could be trusted. When he’d grabbed my arm that morning, he hadn’t hesitated to let go when I’d asked. But I’d been doing a shit job of showing how much I appreciated his inherent decency.

I grabbed his hand, my heart pounding furiously. “No, you’re about as far from a creep as it gets.” I flashed a tentative smile.

Jalen’s answering grin nearly blinded me. “That’s a relief.” His fingers tightened around mine, and his touch was so comforting it made most of the anger simmering in my belly dissipate.

But there was still one matter keeping me from relaxing completely. I slipped my fingers out of his and cleared my throat. “I know you well enough by now that I trust you’ll never hurt me. But tell me, Jalen.” I lifted my gaze to his. “Why are you lying to me?”

He blinked, his green eyes swimming with wariness. “What are you—”

“Don’t play innocent. I heard you talking to Karln this morning. And I know what those tablets do too. No thanks to you.” I crossed my arms. “Were you ever planning to tell me we’re… we’re…”

“Mates,” he finished lamely.

“Yes,” I hissed, holding tight to the last sliver of my frustration as I forced out the rest. “Why am I the last to know? Is it because you don’t want me, because if that’s the case, then—” My voice broke, cutting off my rant before I could finish.

“Then what?” Jalen asked softly.

My eyes welled with tears, all the potential foster parents I’d met over the years flashing through my mind. “You wouldn’t be the first.”

Soft words spilled out of him, too quiet for me to make out, though I thought I heard Harlx’s name in the mix. Was he cursing me? Maybe saying a prayer for the strength to let me down easy…

My eyes pinched shut, a last-ditch effort to stave off the tears that were about to fall.

Then Jalen’s arms closed around me, and for once in my life, I didn’t feel the urge to push back or flinch. I sank into his warmth, allowing myself that single fleeting moment of connection.

“Ren, don’t cry.”

“I’m not.” But my choked-up voice belied my words.

Jalen rubbed soothing circles on my back. “I’m sorry. I know I should’ve told you earlier. But after I learned how much you hated fated mates, I was worried you’d want nothing to do with me. And that’s the last thing I want, Ren. I swear I was planning to tell you. I just hadn’t worked up the courage.”

The weirdest, most surreal feeling washed over me. For a second, it was almost like I was living a stranger’s life. I never poured my heart out about my past. Not since I’d been burned by Travis. Even in the aftermath of his attack, when Demi had comforted me, I’d kept my mouth shut about my deeper feelings of loneliness.

But now, here I was, laying my soul bare to a man I wanted more than my next breath… and he wanted me back.

“You really mean that?” I peeked at him, disbelief threatening to swallow me whole.

He nodded solemnly. “Why do you think I got so jealous over a hug? I want you so badly it hurts, Ren.”

He meant it. I spied the truth in his eyes.

Panic swamped me. Visceral, boiling panic.

I jumped to my feet, scrubbing my eyes violently. “I-I need to think. Can I… Can we…”

Jalen rose much more slowly. “There’s a cave just ahead. I’ll drop you off while I do some foraging for an evening meal. Sound good?”

I nodded blankly, feeling like utter shit. I was sure he was hoping I’d throw myself at him when he confessed his feelings. Or at the least, that I’d admit how much I wanted him too.

But I couldn’t. Not now. I needed time to wrap my head around this.

I followed him silently for a few minutes, until the cave appeared right where he’d said it’d be. He bent and opened the lock, then tossed me his lighter. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Okay.” I flashed him a weak smile.

When he turned away without grinning back, pain stabbed my gut.

I lit a lantern, then barely waited for the cave door to close before slapping my neck to activate my comms implant.

“Ren. I’ve been dying for an update.” Arda’s voice rang through my mind. “Did you talk to your sis—”

Cassidy was the least of my worries right now. “No. I need some advice.” In fact, I could use all the help I could get. “Can you loop Kar in too? Is she busy?”

“No, she’s here. Just give me a sec…”

“Hey, Ren.” Karsen’s peppy greeting echoed a moment later. “Before you say anything, I’m sorry about our last conversation. Arda filled me in on how your illness progressed. I should’ve taken your symptoms more seriously. That was very unprofessional of me.”

I waited impatiently for Karsen to get that off her chest. “No biggie. You can make it up to me by telling me what the fuck to do next.”

Kar asked, “What’s wrong? Are you feeling sick again?”

“No. Nothing like that.” I sighed. “It’s Jalen. We got into a fight this morning and he came clean about all the mate stuff. And he… wants me.”

Arda chuckled. “No shit.”

I rolled my eyes. “Come on, this is serious! I don’t know what to do.”

“What did you say when he told you?” Karsen asked.

“I told him I needed to think. Fuck my life! How is this happening to me ? You know me, guys. When we landed on this planet, did you ever imagine I’d have some big alien begging to mate me?”

“You are considering it, aren’t you?” Arda replied shrewdly. “I mean, why else would you be freaking out if you weren’t at least a little interested?”

Sure, Jalen might be my complete opposite. The sunshine to my stormy day. But he was strong, funny, achingly sweet, and so damn sexy it made my head spin. Fate had sent me the most patient, caring man who hadn’t run from the ugly truth of my past.

“He is kind of… amazing.” For the second time that day, tears welled in my eyes. I dashed them away with the back of my fist. “I-I think I want him too. Is that crazy?”

“No. It’s not crazy at all,” Arda said. “Talk to him. I know you don’t like talking about your feelings, Ren, but you have to if you want this to work out.”

Karsen started, “Better yet, you should follow through with the advice I gave you last time.”

I scoffed. “Really, Kar?”

“What did you advise?” Arda’s voice was thick with curiosity.

“What do you think that maneater said? She told me to fuck him. But I can’t. Not until we figure this out. Mating is what locks the bond. I asked around at our last stop.”

“Actually,” Karsen began, “after Arda told me about your situation, I did some digging. It’s truly a fascinating medical—”

I rubbed my temples. “Kar, you’re rambling.”

“I’ll cut to the chase. Dionion pair-bonds alleviate heat symptoms only after a complete connection has been made. Anything less than that is fair game.”

“So that means what, exactly?” Arda asked.

“She can take him for a test drive as long as she doesn’t activate both engines at once.”

Arda groaned. “The fuck, Kar? What kind of metaphor is that?”

“What?” Karsen giggled. “I thought our mechanic would appreciate it.”

“It’s fine. I get it.” A shiver raced through me. There was a lot we could do together before doubling down…

“There’s one other thing I discovered that you need to know,” Karsen said. “There is a way out, if you want it.”

My stomach clenched. “There is?”

“Yes. Before the healers invented heat blockers, there were only two options for mated pairs. Either you fuck or you flee. A couple hundred miles of distance was enough to negate the effects.”

Arda added, “This is good. If you keep taking the blockers, then once we head off-world, you’ll be back to normal.”

My heart thudded painfully in my chest. Would I ever be back to normal after everything I’d experienced on this trip?

“Sorry if I made your decision a million times harder. I just thought you should have all the facts,” Karsen said.

“No. I appreciate it.” Guess my fate wasn’t so set in stone after all… But just because I discovered this out didn’t mean I had to take it.

Karsen cleared her throat. “I still think you ought to test the goods. Can’t make an informed decision without seeking all the facts.”

“Thanks for the advice, Kar, but I think Arda’s right. Jalen and I need to talk.”

Arda sighed. “Good. I’m glad you’re ready to face your feelings. Trust me, you’ll feel a lot better once you know for sure where you both stand.”

“Good luck,” Karsen added.

“Thanks. I’m gonna need it.”

*Ren*

When the cave door swung open a few minutes later, I’d worked myself into a panic again. I was sure Jalen would be back to moping, wearing that stupid frown that fit his face so badly I wanted to rip it off. Knowing me, I’d end up picking a fight and making everything worse.

Luckily, he strolled in smiling brightly and humming softly. “Hey, Ren.” He swung his pack off and made a beeline for the closest table. “I hope you’re hungry. There was some great foraging nearby.” He halted with his back facing me and dumped out the contents of his pack.

What the hell is this? Is he just going to go about his day acting like he didn’t tell me he wants me? Blood boiling, I opened my mouth, ready to tell him where to shove those plants, but before I got a word out, he sucked in a huge breath and faced me.

“Listen, before you say anything, I need you to know that what I said earlier… I won’t let it become a problem.”

“What?” My brows pinched together.

He flipped back around and busied himself sorting the vegetables. “When I told you how much I want you. If you’re not there yet, that’s perfectly all right. I’m willing to wait as long as it takes.”

My heart sped, blood pumping through my veins like a fuel injection. “Is that right? And what if I’m never ready? What if I want to leave this world after we finish our hike and never come back?”

He spun back to face me, fire burning in his eyes. “Then that’s your right. But don’t be surprised when I come looking for you.”

I sucked in a startled breath, my body heating from more than just anger. “So your plan is to stalk me until I give in?”

“No. My plan is to show you I want to be with you for more than just physical reasons. Don’t get me wrong, I’m dying to see your face filled with pleasure again.” He took a slow step closer, and my breath quickened. “To hear you scream my name when you come.” He stopped with just a few inches separating us. “But I want you too, Ren. Your kind heart, your strange jokes, and even your scowls.”

My skin warmed, and I wasn’t sure if it was from the heat or his confession. I glanced down and spotted his fingers twitching.

“I love making you smile, Ren. Do you know why?”

His question made my gaze lift. “Why?”

“Some people give their smiles freely—but not you. Each time you smile, I know it’s been earned. I would gladly spend the rest of my life earning more, if you let me. But only if that’s what you want.”

“What I want…” After ending the call with my crewmates, I’d been certain talking was the way to go, but now I could only think of one thing I wanted. And don’t they say the doctor’s always right? “Touch me, Jalen.”

He lifted a hand instantly but stopped with it hovering next to my cheek. “Are you certain?”

“Yes. Just… take it slow.”

A breathtaking smile crossed his lips. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.” His palm met my flesh, the heat of his skin searing me where I stood. “I want to savor you.” The tips of his fingers trailed down my neck to my collarbone. “Would you like that?”

I gulped. Nodded.

“Then say it,” he demanded, stepping closer and bringing our bodies flush. My nipples turned into stone as they grazed his chest. My belly tingled as his hard lengths pressed against me, washing away every lingering doubt I had. Can’t fake that. “I need to hear it, Ren.”

I choked out, “I want you too,” my words breathy and stilted.

He tipped up my chin with a finger and met my gaze. “If you need to stop, just say so. I promise I’ll always listen. No matter what.”

Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. Hearing that meant more than I could ever express. But I refused to let the tears fall this time. Not when I was dying to feel Jalen’s hands on me. “I will. I promise.”

His fingers finally moved, tracing from my collarbone to my shoulder and bringing the strap of my tank top with it. My stomach fluttered as he dragged my shirt down my arms. My bare skin prickled with goosebumps as it met the warm air.

Jalen stared hungrily at my breasts as his fingers lightly trailed down my arms to my wrists and back up again. “Where do you want me to touch you, Ren?” He pulled back, shrugging his vest off and leaving us both topless.

I gulped again, so turned on with his eyes on me I answered readily, “Everywhere.”

A sexy smirk painted his lips. “Do you just want my hands?” He leaned in, and his hot breath warmed my neck. “What about my mouth?”

“Yes, please,” I breathed, skin tingling. I tipped my head to the side, giving him better access.

He rewarded me with a lick that made me shiver. Then his hands closed around mine, and he tugged, directing me to a pallet, keeping eye contact the entire time. He sat first and gently pulled me toward him.

For a split second, that awful memory fought to surface. I was alone again with a man who could easily overpower me…

I shoved the thought aside. This was not the same. Jalen would never hurt me.

Jalen’s brows dipped. “Do you need a—”

“No,” I cut him off sharply as I slipped my fingers out of his, and his face fell. But then I planted my palms on his shoulders and straddled his hips. My pussy landed in the perfect spot to make us both groan. “I don’t need anything except for this. Touch me, Jalen. Please.”

The smile he unleashed would’ve been enough to bring me to my knees—if I hadn’t already been kneeling. My body thrummed as his fingers grazed my bare back before coasting across my stomach.

I leaned down and kissed him, threading my hands through his hair and swallowing his moans as my hips started rocking. It was like they had a mind of their own, driven mad for so long by the heat ignited between us I’d stubbornly ignored.

But the moment Jalen reached up, closing his fingers around one pebbled nipple, I stilled. Pulling away from his lips, I stared between us and watched him slowly tug, rub, and deliciously torture one breast. Then the next.

Jalen’s attention was just as rapt. He licked his lips and said in a voice coated with honey, “Look how beautiful you are in my hands, Ren. These breasts were made for me.” His praise sank into my soul and lit a fuse I hadn’t known existed. “They were made for my hands,” he cooed as he captured one peak in his big palm. “And my mouth.”

Then he bent his head, and I whimpered as his tongue flicked out to tease me. My hips jerked, refusing to stay still for a second longer. But the next thing Jalen whispered against my heaving breast made me freeze in place. “I can’t wait to make you mine, Ren.”

I bit my lip. “I-I don’t know when I’ll be ready for that. Definitely not now.” My stomach clenched, and he must’ve felt me tense.

Jalen lifted his head, his lust-drunk eyes connecting with mine. “Don’t worry. I’m a planter, remember?” His hand left my breast as his mouth dipped to my ear. “I’m quite familiar with tending to beauty and waiting for it to bloom.” I shivered as he glided lower, slipping into the top of my skirt and beneath my panties. “Always remembering to keep it good and wet .” As the word rolled off his tongue, his finger sank between my soaked lips and circled my clit.

I quivered in his arms as euphoria pulsed through me. Sure, I’d never had a partner I trusted to go this far, but I was no stranger to being touched. I’d played with my fingers or toys countless times in the past. But nothing compared to this.

Jalen caressed me with the perfect amount of pressure and speed to keep me on edge without falling over. My breathing shallowed and my hips jerked, chasing the teasing touches he doled out so expertly.

For a moment, I wondered how he was doing it. How could he be so in tune with me that he had me panting and moaning with just the flick of his fingers?

But when I focused on his face, it all clicked. His rapt attention had never wavered, not for a second. He studied my reactions, that gorgeous smile of his filled with what I could only describe as pure bliss.

“Do you like watching me while you play with my pussy?” I asked bluntly.

A low growl rumbled in Jalen’s chest. “I think I’ve found a new obsession.”

“Jalen, fuck!” I choked out as he finally sank two thick fingers inside of me. Tingling waves of pleasure shot through me, though it still wasn’t enough to make me come. But as Jalen curved his fingers, making me writhe and gasp on his lap, I’d had enough. I grabbed his wrist and wrenched his hand out of my panties.

His smile fell. “Are you—”

“I’m more than okay.” I hooked my fingers in my skirt and shucked it off as fast as I could. “I need you naked. Now.”

Jalen grinned. “As you wish.” His shorts quickly joined my skirt, discarded on the floor.

I gasped as I got my first look at him in all his glory. Yeah, I’d seen him before in the tub, but now I was getting the full picture with no water to block my greedy gaze. I licked my dry lips as a sliver of fear creeped up my spine.

How the hell am I supposed to take on two of those? Jalen was slightly longer and thicker than the biggest toy I owned. One I could definitely manage. But two?

Some sign of apprehension must’ve shown on my face. “Ren, we can stop now if you want to.”

“No. I don’t want to stop.” I stretched out beside him so we lay side by side, not quite touching, my gaze glued to his twitching cocks as they jutted against his belly. “I hear the bond doesn’t lock until we…”

“Until both my cocks are inside you at the same time.”

His words made a delicious fission of lust flash through my veins. I couldn’t deny the thought of it had me practically panting. I wasn’t sure how much of it was the heat drawing us together, and how much was my own suppressed desire raising its hand and shouting, Yes, please!

But I hadn’t been lying before. No matter how turned on I was right now, I wasn’t ready to be bonded forever. Still… “I was thinking… could we start off with one?”

Jalen smirked. “I was hoping you’d ask that.” His voice dropped an octave. “Where do you want me?”

I huffed out a shaky breath, thanking the stars once again that it was this man I’d been fated to. A lot of women might find the constant reassurances grating. They might hate being given a choice instead of being tossed around like a ragdoll. I could certainly see the appeal in that, but right now, I desperately needed that sense of control to feel comfortable. And Jalen wasn’t shy about giving me exactly what I needed.

Now it’s my turn to make him thank the universe he got me.

A smirk of my own painted my lips. “On your back.”

Jalen rolled over, and I wasted no time making my move. But instead of straddling his hips, I climbed in between them. My pulse quickened as my mouth lowered dangerously close to his beautiful cocks.

Once again, a tiny thread of fear spooled around my heart. The last time I’d been this close to a man’s dick, he’d been trying to shove it down my throat.

He lifted his head. “You don’t have to—” His words garbled as I sucked the head of his lower dick into my mouth. Then when I swirled my tongue around the tip, he hissed, “I take it back. Don’t stop. Your mouth feels like paradise, Ren.”

Heat spread through my core. With each moan I coaxed out of him, I could feel my desire swelling. By the time I’d gotten his first dick completely wet and moved on to the next, I was clenching my thighs together tightly.

Jalen’s muscles strained, his gaze glued on every move I made between his legs. “Ren, if you keep that up, I’ll come in your mouth.”

My pussy throbbed. I’d like that—one day. Not today.

I released his top cock, giving the underside one last long lick. Jalen groaned, and his hands shot out to grab my hips as I climbed up his body. He settled me hastily over his hips, but he didn’t bear down, just left me hovering above the straining length of his lower cock.

“Need to be inside you,” he muttered, jaw clenched.

“Yeess.” I used his chest for balance and sank onto him slowly. Jalen breathed out harshly, holding steady as my inner walls adjusted to his girth. I whimpered, fighting to accept being filled. “You’re so… big. Fuck.”

“Here.” He reached between us and grabbed his upper cock. He lightly slapped it against my pussy lips, making me mewl. “This should help.” As his top dick slipped inside and brushed my clit, he closed his eyes, brows pinching together.

“Oh god. Oh my fucking god, Jalen!” Both of his cocks began to vibrate, and I nearly came on the spot. “Jalen, you feel so fucking good .” Within a few euphoric thrusts, he was seated to the hilt inside me.

Then my hips took on a rhythm of their own, mindlessly rocking, driving our bodies together and apart relentlessly. And through it all, I was a writhing, moaning mess, chasing an orgasm that I sensed would completely wreck me.

As my thighs started to quiver, Jalen sat up and drove his fingers through my hair. The move pressed us even closer, setting off fireworks on my clit and hitting an angle within me that had my toes curling. “That’s it, Ren. Come with me,” he ordered.

I shattered instantly. Electric sparks of ecstasy flooded me in waves that seemed to last forever. I vaguely registered Jalen grunting and a hot gush of fluid spilling across my stomach at the same time warmth flashed inside of me.

I collapsed on his chest, all the energy leaving my body as little aftershocks of pleasure came and went. In the back of my mind, I knew I ought to say something. At the very least, get off and thank him for getting me off, but all I summoned was a sleepy, “Mmm,” before Jalen shifted.

With a chuckle, he laid me down, cleaned me up, and draped a blanket over me. “I’ll let you rest while I get our meal ready. How’s that sound?”

My eyes fluttered closed, a crooked grin etched on my lips. “Hm. Wonderful.” I sighed contentedly as I listened to him putter around, floating on the wave of bliss he’d unleashed within me.

But when I heard the cave door scratching over the floor, my eyes popped open. “Hey. Where are you going?”

Jalen waved at the table where the ingredients for our salad sat neatly lined up in a row. “I just realized I forgot to grab a haldi fruit for the dressing. But I spotted a tree a short hike from here. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.” My head sank into the pillow. “See you soon.”