Page 72

Chapter 69

IRIS

“You know what is just down this corridor?”

I dragged Aspen by his collar as I walked backward, his dark gaze heavy-lidded.

“Or we could simply go back to our own home.”

“Where would the fun be in that?” I taunted, then spun and sprinted down the dark passageway.

The echoes of the party, still in full swing, roamed through the empty spaces even as we distanced ourselves from the ballroom. I pumped my arms faster, the warmth from the wine dulling the burn in my muscles as I skidded past a corner.

Aspen’s long legs closed the distance between us quickly, and before I could veer down another path, he had—as promised—thrown my body over his shoulder.

His speed slowed to a casual saunter as I pounded my fists against his back, ever the picture of nonchalance with one arm wrapped tightly across my squirming thighs.

He reached up, smacking my ass firmly as laughter poured out of me.

“I swear to the Divine, Aspen Gavalon?—”

“Swear to me instead, love,” he interrupted, using his free hand to reach through the slit in my dress and knead the soft flesh there. “And quit wearing yourself out so soon. I have plans for these thighs.”

“I could crush you with them,” I countered, twisting again.

“A man can dream.”

He didn’t increase his pace as we entered the healer’s wing, determined to enjoy his prize for as long as possible. Wind skirted up my bare leg as he traced featherlight touches across the scarred skin below my knee, sending heat pooling low in my stomach.

Movement from an open door caught my attention, and I pushed on Aspen’s shoulders as a shadow appeared.

“Oh!” High Healer Nora exclaimed, bringing a hand to her chest as I slid down Aspen’s body. She eyed us up and down, clearing her throat. “Prince Aspen.” She bowed quickly. “Lady Iris, as much as I did not want to impede your celebrations, I was leaving in hopes of running into you.”

Panic rose in my chest, the guilt and dread of a full day spent away from the infirmary washing away all lingering traces of wine from my system.

“No, no,” she quickly amended, sensing my spiraling thoughts. “It’s good news.” She motioned for us to follow her into the dim room.

Curtains were drawn around each cot we passed. This portion of the wing had been converted solely to house patients afflicted with the Malum, overflowing into a neighboring room as well. Every day, as I walked through and found another bed occupied, I felt more at a loss. I was failing them, and I didn’t know how to stop.

Most of my time was spent between the infirmary and the apothecary. Aspen and I fell into bed with the other already sleeping most nights, pulled in so many directions that we stole every fleeting moment together to simply be. He still sat beside me as I worked, always touching me in some way—a hand in my hair, a knee pressed against mine. But we both avoided the certainty of things we knew hung in the air. Things we weren’t ready to voice, lest we have to face the aftermath.

And perhaps I was mistaken. Perhaps his life had not been irrevocably altered these past several months. Perhaps his world had not tilted on its axis. Perhaps this was just a fleeting moment for him before moving on to the next exciting thing. I wasn’t ready to face that either.

Because now that I knew him, I could not go back to who I was before.

A sunflare flickered in the corner of the room, casting shadows on the stone wall behind it. High Healer Nora stopped, and my hand flew to my mouth.

Sitting up, reading in the dim light, was Celia Halryth.

The first patient we’d ever administered the Blight Lotus Tonic to. She’d been unconscious for weeks.

“She woke up this afternoon,” the healer said quietly. “We were hopeful—the veining has been receding for days. And then she opened her eyes. It isn’t completely gone, but we’ve been tracking its progress, and it seems to be lessening instead of spreading.”

My entire body trembled, tears pricking as I stared at her.

Alive.

Breathing.

Alive and breathing. And awake.

“We should let her rest,” Nora said, her voice distant as I watched Celia flip a page in her book. Her hands were moving. Her eyes were reading. Her chest rose in measured breaths, and—and she was awake.

“But you can speak to her in the morning, if you’d like.”

I nodded, suddenly aware of Aspen’s hand squeezing mine. Thoughts whirled—plans, tests, next steps. But none took hold. None solidified.

All I could do was stare.

The healer stepped before us, breaking the trance I had fallen into. “Tomorrow,” she said again. “Come back tomorrow. Be young tonight.”

I stepped back into a hard chest, and then we were moving. I let Aspen lead me in a daze, not seeing or comprehending where we were headed until I bumped against the familiar edge of my workbench.

The ache from the bruise already there—a consequence of always moving too quickly through the small space—yanked me to the present.

“Iris.” His voice righted the spinning, dragged me back to the surface.

Cool hands enveloped my face, thumbs gently pressing into the bone just beneath my eyes.

“It’s working.”

I shook my head, but he held me in place. “You did it.”

“We don’t know anything yet?—”

Then his lips were on mine, and as he breathed life back into me, it was nothing short of salvation.

“You are allowed to celebrate this. She’s awake because of you.”

My arms hung limply at my sides.

When you’ve spent so long in anguish, in a desperate state of bargaining for something to go right… what did you do when it works?

“You and your brilliant mind will figure this out.” Joy seeped from every word, frantic with it. “You will cure them. And then we can plan for you. You get to live. We can figure out how to get you to?—”

I couldn’t figure out what he was saying. “Your lifespan…” His words ricocheted around the room as I tried to process them. “It won't be easy getting you back for the trials?—”

“What?”

“We’ll need to prepare. I understand you can’t just walk back into Sol?—”

“No.” I pulled from his grasp, putting the length of the room between us.

His face fell at the loss of connection, and he stepped toward me, only to stop at the shake of my head.

“I know this is painful to speak about, and if I could burn it all to the ground, I would, but?—”

“No.” The word was louder the second time. Guttural.

“I don’t know how yet, but I’ll be damned?—”

“I cannot go back.”

He stilled.

“Cannot,” he said carefully, “or do not wish to?”

I clenched my jaw. “It isn’t possible, Aspen.”

“I will make it so!”

I wasn’t sure when we had started yelling. The barrier I'd placed around the apothecary blocked out noise, and I wondered if it made it louder inside.

“I will stop at nothing to make sure of it,” he ground out. “Don’t you trust me to do that for you?”

“I can’t!”

A desperate plea clawed out. A ghost of someone who hadn’t existed for a very long time.

“Why not? I don’t believe for one moment that you do not wish to change this world.

“Because it was a mistake.”

The words were out before I could shove them back down. I wished I could drag them back into the abyss he’d pulled them from. This cavern I’d pushed them into for so long that I’d believed them too.

“ I was a mistake, Aspen. Do you think I haven’t thought of it every single day?” My nails dug into my callused palm, leaving behind scarlet half-moons. “Of how different it could be if only I was someone else? I left once, you know. Tried to go back. Before I met Nadya. And I didn’t even last a week . I have tried to become someone worthy of leading Altaerra. I have tried and tried and tried to mold myself into someone deserving of that duty. In the blind, desperate hope that they wouldn’t kill me. I can’t be whoever Lux saw when she gave me this.” I gestured towards my back, half ready to claw the mark off myself. “Somewhere along the way I lost her. I broke her.”

“Iris Virlana,” he shook his head, sad resignation written across his face. “You are formidable.”

“You don’t understand!” My throat was raw from shouting. All I could feel was shame. I had run for so long. Solyndra would likely kill me on sight, so I’d evaded them at all costs. Anyone would understand that. But the fear of what could have been, at being born with the knowledge that you were supposed to be great, knowing you’d started to become as twisted as they hoped… I heard it over and over again in my head.

Weak.

Coward.

Spineless.

Pathetic.

The fear of what Solyndra would do to me was rational. The fear of what I would do to Altaerra, made me a coward.

There was no honor in that. No honor in running due to worthlessness.

How is it that you can be destined for something, and still make every wrong decision along the way?

“I ran away and left every other person in my situation there. To suffer at their hands.” I was half frantic as I continued. “I couldn’t save them. Not Bastion. Not Lillith. Not Everett. Not any of the patients we’ve lost. I couldn’t even save myself. I can’t save any?—”

“YOU SAVED ME!”

Aspen was in front of me again, chin jutted out, chest heaving, teeth bared.

“Do you know why I was in the woods that day?” He quieted, the next words barely above a whisper. “I was ready to walk into the Tundra and let it have me.”

He inhaled a shuddering breath, then took several steps back. “You saved me the very first day I saw you. And you have saved the wretched remains of my soul every moment since.” Silver blazed in his stare, bright and exposed. “Every time I see you, I am reminded that my heart is still capable of beating.”

Something ancient, something dangerous, something harrowing, clawed at the very center of my being. It gnawed and gnashed its teeth and begged to be released. To be fed. To be satiated.

Because I wanted everything for him.

I wanted everything with him.

“I have run from everything I have ever wanted,” I said, bridging the gap between us once more, putting an end to the push and pull. “I do not wish to run from you, Aspen Gavalon.”

“I’m unsure how I ever lived a life without you in it,” I continued, the ache in my chest overwhelming. He looked away, and I grabbed his chin, forcing him back to me. “I think maybe… maybe I’ve spent this entire time sleepwalking, unaware that there was something worth waking up for. And now, with you—” I snaked my other hand up to his cheek, wiping away the single tear that had fallen. “With you, I am finally alive.”

I swallowed the words I saw forming in his mouth with a kiss, breathing him in like the lifeline he was.

He matched my ferocity, as he did in everything—hands and wind and tongue and teeth.

“Be with me,” I pleaded, his skin icy beneath my touch.

He pulled back, fingers coming to the metal clasp of the mantle at my throat. “Be with me,” he challenged back, brows raised. His skin warmed as he tore it away, the bindings scraping against the stone floor as it fell.

He traced his fingers along the golden mark, pulling my hair over a shoulder.

Both bare.

No hiding. Not from each other. Never from each other.

“This does not mean the conversation is over,” he gasped into my mouth as we connected again. A moan escaped me as he hitched one of my legs around his waist, his wind dancing over where my breasts strained against the corset.

“Fine,” I said, refusing to disconnect from him. I tore at his shirt until I could rove my tongue over the bare skin of his chest, licking and sucking and kissing each scar.

“I’m serious, Iris.” He tugged my head back with his hold on my hair, forcing me to meet his gaze. His wind tickled at the crease above my thigh, stopping before it could reach exactly where I wanted it. “If you think this will make me stop pushing you?—”

“I know. We will yell at each other later,” I said breathlessly as I moved lower. I worked at his trousers, continuing my machinations across his torso, lavishing the dips between the muscles, my nails scraping along his chest.

“I won’t?—”

“Later,” I snarled, dropping to my knees. “I know you won’t let it go. This isn’t some tactic, Gavalon.” I swallowed, steeling myself. Allowing myself to admit what I’d promised I wouldn’t.

“I need you. Now, please, for the love of the Divine, let me have you.”

“Iris, you don’t?—”

“Aspen Gavalon, I have been patient.” His eyes widened. “If this is not what you want, tell me right now. I won’t ever mention it again. I accept whatever you are willing to give. But if you want this, even a fraction as much as I do… then please. Let me have you.”

He knelt, eye to eye with me. White hair stuck out in every direction as he took my face in his hands. His pupils were blown, rimmed only by a thin ring of ice.

“There is no world where you can even comprehend the ways that I want you, Virlana.” Pure, primal need radiated from him. It fueled me, that insatiable hunger, made me even more ravenous. “Do not ever doubt that.”

“Good,” I said, pushing at his chest. “Then be a good boy for me and stand up.”

I pulled at his trousers as he obeyed, finally freeing him.

Fucking Divine.

I’d felt him before. Had been aware of the pressure against me at the lake, woken up to him pressed to my ass most mornings. But seeing the entirety of him was agony in a way I’d never known.

Aspen wasn’t timid with the way he held me. It was all-consuming when we collided, like we’d both cease to exist if we pulled away. But he had been cautious with this. Lately, all we’d done was sleep or cling to each other in rare quiet moments. But when the opportunity arose, we tip-toed across the line, fearful of what lay beyond it. We’d melded our bodies together too many times to count, pulling at hair and clawing at the soft flesh covering ribs and thighs. Had bit and nipped and ground against each other but never deigned to push for more. As if that final joining would be our damnation.

I knew once I had him fully, nothing would be the same again.

Nothing would ever be enough but him.

I placed wet kisses along the length of him, savoring the restraint he trembled with. A cool wind slid beneath where my knees met the cold floor, cushioning the space. I grinned against him, lightly brushing my tongue across his head.

His fingers threaded through my hair, pulling my head back, forcing me to face him. Everything we had ever said—and all that we had restrained from—lay bare in his gaze.

“Show me, Virlana.” His other hand cupped my jaw, his thumb pushing between my lips. “Prove that you ache for me the way I do for you.”

I sucked on his finger as he pulled it away, smiling up at him. As he loosened his grip on my hair, I took him into my mouth.

I shuddered, unable to take him fully, but I devoured him, hollowing my cheeks and pulling slightly when I reached the tip.

“Goddesses, yes.” His groan shot straight to my core, and I rubbed my thighs together to relieve some of the throbbing there.

My fingers trembled as I wrapped my hand around what I couldn’t take in my mouth. I pumped him, listening for the sounds he made, tightening my grip, twisting slightly, relishing the way his body reacted.

“Fucking Divine, Virlana,” he moaned, legs shaking. I reached up, raking my free hand against his chest before grabbing his ass and pulling him closer. I wanted him wild. I wanted him unleashed.

He understood immediately, snapping his restraint as he began thrusting into me.

“Iris,” he said through clenched teeth as he thrust.

I wanted to hear my name like that every second of every day.

“You.”

Each word was punctuated by a thrust.

“Are.”

“A.”

“Fucking.”

“Goddess.”

My eyes watered as I took him further, humming around him, drunk on his pleasure. His wind wiped at the tears, curling between my legs, teasing the slit of my thigh.

“Move that dress, love,” he commanded. I obeyed, pulling the skirt up around my waist.

“My perfect, clever girl,” he moaned at the sight of me bare beneath it. “Look at you. Spread wider for me.”

His wind dipped between my thighs as I did, whispers of cool air that was so inherently him brushed against my core. He was everywhere. Inside me, all over me, as if he had been injected into my veins. Still, I wanted more.

“That’s it, love.” His wind still curled between my legs, dipping in and out, but another gust roamed over every inch of bare skin. Long fingers dug into my scalp, kneading and tugging in the exact way I liked. “You’re doing so well. You’re so perfect.”

Aspen threw his head back as I moaned at his praise, taking more of him. A single Thread shot upward, latching onto his white strands and forcing him to look back down at me. His gaze met mine, eyes wide with shock for a fleeting moment before the heavy-lidded intensity returned. He twitched, and I increased my speed, sinking further with a gasp as his wind dove in fully.

“Iris, I’m—” He reached for me, but I squeezed him harder, using my free hand to cradle him from behind. I kneaded him as wind filled and curled and expanded against every delectable spot, watching as he unraveled with my name on his lips.

Before I could even think, I was being pulled upward. My feet never touched the ground as he hauled me into the air, both of his hands gripping my ass as I wrapped my legs around him. His mouth crashed into mine as we spun, and he backed me into the workbench.

Aspen hiked the long, flowing skirt up once more before setting my bare thighs onto the aged wood, never once breaking the kiss. Glass bottles and loose papers scattered as he cleared the table with his wind. My skin blazed where it climbed my back, teasing at the laces of my corset. With heart-wrenching tenderness, he cradled the back of my head, my hair splaying out beneath me as he laid me down.

Aspen understood. So acutely, he always understood. I didn’t want gentleness—I wanted teeth, tearing, passion. I wanted him to hold nothing back. But he also knew when to slow down, the softness and care evident in each touch.

“What do you want, Iris?” he asked hoarsely, icy eyes boring into me.

I dragged his face to mine, consuming his air as if it could keep me alive. Guiding his hand downward, I showed him exactly what he did to me.

“Use your words, Virlana,” he breathed against my mouth, dragging one finger over me with torturous tenderness. “I need you to say it.”

“I want you. I want your fingers, and your mouth, and your tongue, and your cock,” I whimpered. I knew how badly he needed to hear it, how much it meant to him. How the uncertainty of not being enough haunted him. He was that and more. To me, he was infinite. “I want everything you are, Aspen Gavalon.”

Any hesitation left him as he kissed me with fervor, then stood, pulling my hips to the edge of the wood. I pushed to my elbows, watching as Aspen Gavalon knelt before me.

He was exquisite. The broad expanse of his shoulders blocked out everything behind him. His muscular chest and torso gleamed under the light of the sunflare, moonlit hair flopping lazily against his brow. Otherworldly.

Aspen pressed a kiss to the inside of my scarred ankle, running his tongue over the lines as I had done for him. His other hand traveled up my body, pulling at the top of my bodice.

“Careful, Prince,” I said breathlessly. “Deyanira won’t be happy if you ruin her work.”

He tugged harder, freeing one breast. His wind immediately circled my peaked nipple.

“I will design a thousand dresses for you, Sunbeam.” He yanked the rest of it down, my chest now bare. “But this one—we are keeping forever.”

I met his wind with my own hand, twisting and kneading my breast for more pressure. He took his time, traveling up my leg with bites soothed by kisses.

“Do you know what these thighs do to me, Iris?” he murmured, swirling his tongue over the ample skin. “How I watch them while you walk? How the fullness of them drives me mad? When you parade around in my shirts that barely cover your ass, all I can think about is having them on either side of my head.”

Wind passed over the wetness his tongue left behind, scattering gooseflesh in its wake. His mouth was deliberate, teasing me with smooth, angled strokes that never quite reached where I needed him.

“What are you doing?” I whined.

“Writing my name.” His sensual grin pressed into my skin, the vibrations of his words sending a shudder straight to my core.

As he pulled back, the spot tingled, tightening with an icy chill. Aspen stared at my inner thigh, a man bewitched. I knew, without even looking, that he could see it. Had frozen his name into my skin. Added it to the rendition already imprinted on my soul.

The vision had me reaching for his hair, inching myself closer to him. “Make sure it stays.”

He just stared.

“Please,” I whined. I wasn’t above begging. Not for him.

“Say my name,” he rasped, attention snapping back to me.

“Please, Aspen. I need you.”

He dove down, tongue sweeping over me in one long stroke before he began. He ravished me like he was starving, like I was the only sustenance he’d ever need. I clutched his white strands, pushing against him frantically. He moaned into me, doing things with his mouth I had never dared to dream of. His wind teased my breasts, the seam of my lips, my core—all at the same time. I was climbing, dangerously close to the edge, breathless.

Divine, I was going to combust.

“Aspen, I need?—”

Without hesitation, he slid two fingers into me, curling them against a spot that had me bucking against him.

“Yes, please—fuck—” Words tumbled from my lips, senseless.

“Louder, Iris,” he commanded, and I lost all control. “I want to hear you.”

I gave him everything—words, praise, pleas—letting them fall freely from my tongue.

“You are glorious, love.” He hummed between dipping his tongue and wind and fingers into me. My skin pulled taught, glowing bright with escaping Threads. “You are everything I’ve ever wanted. The only thing I’ll ever need.”

My vision blurred, blinding tension coiling inside me as his fingers moved, thumb circling my clit. He was everywhere, consuming every piece of me. I wasn’t sure where I ended and he began.

“Look at me, love.”

I forced my eyes open, locking onto the sight of him between my legs.

“Come for me, Iris.”

He sucked in, and with the change in pressure, I shattered.

Pleasure ripped through me in relentless waves, crashing one after another. He drank me in as I spasmed, his free hand reaching up to lace our fingers together. When I finally stilled, he was above me once more, lips shining.

He pressed those fingers against my mouth, running along the swollen, bitten flesh. I opened for him, sucking them into my mouth and running my tongue down the side.

“We taste fucking magnificent together, don’t we love?”

I snaked a hand around his neck, pulling him down, savoring even more of myself on his tongue.

“I am never going to get enough of you,” he groaned.

“Then don’t,” I panted, reaching for him. His trousers hung loose, only just freeing him. I fumbled for the waistband.

“Not here,” he argued, pinning my hands above my head.

“Are you joking?”

He had to have hit his head. Momentary loss of logical reasoning. “I will not have you for the first time anywhere other than a bed.”

“I’m sure there’s a bed nearby,” I countered, but his grip tightened.

“In our bed, Iris.”

The intensity in his gaze rooted me still. Aspen Gavalon had never let another person into his bed. That would be for us, and us alone. It was a proclamation and a surrender.

If I hadn’t already been entirely ruined for him, that would have done it.

“Then get us home?—”

A pounding on the warded door sent books on the nearby shelves rattling.

We glanced at each other, then toward the sound as it repeated.

“Get some damn clothes on, you two.”

Nadya.

The impossibility of her voice penetrating the flawless ward barely registered before another thought took over—she could clearly hear us.

Well, I’d drowned out her escapades enough times, we were even.

“Nadya, now is not the time—” I called.

“I prefer not to see your pale naked ass, Snowman,” she said, ignoring me. “So please, spare me the horror.”

Aspen sent his wind to tighten the laces of my gown as I sat up. The mantle settled over my shoulders as he tugged on his own clothes, waiting for me to lower the ward.

“I will send my shadows in there to?—”

I sliced through the barrier with a Thread, nodding for Aspen to open the door.

“Ah, lovely.” Nadya leaned against the entryway, a feline smile curling her lips. Clad in all-black leather, the splatters of dark red streaked across her cheek made any lingering remnants of desire swiftly fade.

“At least he did his job well, it seems,” she remarked, eyeing my hair.

Aspen stood stock-still as I stepped around him to face my friend, my brows lifting. “Then why, do tell, did you interrupt?”

Her amusement at his stillness vanished instantly as she refocused on me.

“I brought you a Felfrost gift,” she said, her voice lilting with intrigue. “Hand-delivered to your morgue.”

It couldn’t be… After all this time?

Perhaps I ought to start praying to the goddesses again—at the very least to Haven—if Felfrost had brought about both of these advancements.

“Though you’ve now cursed me with having to get used to his presence.” Her gaze flicked to Aspen. “As much as you need a good fuck, even if it is with present company, I have no idea how long the body will remain viable for.”

She pulled me into a tight hug before ushering me through the empty corridor. “Go on, Aconite. I can see the anticipation practically spilling over. Fill that massive brain of yours.”

I looked back at Aspen, expecting disappointment. Instead, he only smiled softly, leaning down to brush a tender kiss against my lips.

“Go be brilliant.”

“Ferrin’s making sure no one enters the morgue before you get there,” Nadya added. “He’s half-naked, mostly glamoured, and fully drunk—feel free to send him back to the party if you take pity on him. Or make him suffer, either way.”

Aspen groaned in nothing less than utter horror.

I threw my arms around Nadya, immensely grateful for people who knew me so intrinsically. They understood my mind had been consumed by two things lately—the Malum and the incarnates. I’d been forbidden from focusing on the Malum tonight, but they knew I wouldn’t be able to think about anything else until I’d at least laid eyes on the body.

Nadya wouldn’t have interrupted unless it was truly urgent.

It had to be now.

Aspen took a step to follow, but Nadya lifted a hand, stopping him in place.

“We have things to discuss, Gavalon.”