Page 37

Chapter 36

Ainsley

R eaching in the box, I pick up the clay and throw it on the wheel. I have been at the wheel ever since I returned from the drugstore down the road. I snatched up all the tests, two large ginger-ale bottles, and crackers. Remembering a few things the nurse had told me on the phone, but I still thought there had to be some sort of mix-up with the lab work.

I press down on the pedal and start working my next piece of clay in my hands. Clay covers me, and small, delicate clay flowers cover the living room. Mimi had always brought one wheel in the house in the winter time, and after I drank a full bottle of ginger ale, I had some time to wait before I had to pee. So I have been going at it. Then I peed. A lot. Went back to throwing clay and downed another ginger-ale. Then peed again.

A baby. All ten tests. All positive.

Tears well in my eyes. Overwhelmed by so many different emotions and I can’t process them all. Mimi would know just what to say, just what to do. The fact that she won’t be here through all of this is crippling. I focus on the clay in front of me, making my thirteenth flower so far. Some time goes by until I’m on the last box of clay Shawn sent, and it was a lot of clay. I hear a knock at the door, and I call out.

“It’s open.”

“Hey Lee, I stopped and got us some treats before I got here.”

Soph yells as she walks in and drops her bags at her feet. She always has all the necessary recovery items for the girls ready in case of an emergency. One time, she was going through a breakup and asked me to come over, so I brought a bottle of wine. When I got there, she laughed and opened a ‘fuck him’ cabinet full of every snack, drink, and face mask you could ever need. She weaves her way to me through all the newspapers and clay flowers on top of them.

“Oh Lee, what’s going on, my girl?” She comes and sits beside me on the floor by the wheel, looking up at me.

I sniffle. “My life. This house. Everything, it’s a mess.” I slump down and cry more.

“Babe, I know it’s hard, but you can make it through it. I know you can. Have you talked to Shawn yet?” She says, thinking that my biggest concern is still the fact that he lied to me.

I know they all want me to talk to him. They have been trying for days, weeks really, but I guess I really need to meet up with him now. The mention of his name sets me off again. I’m a puddle of muddy clay mess, bawling, and Soph counts my toes in Spanish.

“Lee, it’s not that bad. Honestly, it’s better than you think. Just talk to him.”

I shake my head and wipe the clay from my hands. “I know, Soph. I will. I just need to be able to look at him and not cry. I need time.”

“I know you need time. You have told us you need time. He knows you need time, but I think it would really help. He wouldn’t care if you came to him yelling, crying, or silent. He just needs to have a moment to talk to you.”

I just stare at her, not sure how to speak the words out loud yet. As if saying them to someone else, someone I know, makes it even more real. I look down at the plastic bag that has my ginger ale bottle and cracker wrappers in it. The 10 positive tests sit underneath. She tracks my eyes and picks up the bag.

“Are you still feeling sick? You have the go-to sick snacks in here…” She says as she starts looking through the bag.

“OH FUCK!” She shouts and drops the bag like it is full of spiders.

“Yeah, oh fuck. The doctor called this morning with my lab work, told me I was pregnant, and I didn’t believe her.”

I lean down and scoop up a handful of tests.

“So, I went to the store, and what do you know, every single one is positive.” I dump them in my lap and start crying again.

Me, a mom? I don’t even know what I want to do with my life. I am just seeing what happens. Soph paces in front of me.

“It’s okay; this will be fine. Take it one day at a time. I’m sorry, but you have to tell Shawn. Sooner rather than later, unfortunately.” I nod profusely, already knowing I need to tell him. He is going to be a father, for fuck’s sake.

“Do you want to call him together?” Soph looks at me.

“No, I need to see him in person for this.”

“Good call. Want me to text him and see when he is free?”

“Sure,” I agree, and she takes out her phone, pulling his name up.

She types out, so I can see it. While I recite in my head how to start this conversation with him. I should just cut the shit and walk up with a ‘Hey, Daddy’ and see what he says. Soph leans over to show me the text she sent.

Soph

Hey Shawn. I’m with Lee. When are you free to meet up with her and talk?

He immediately replies.

Books

Just wrapping up practice. I need to take the dogs out, and then I can head your way.

Soph looks at me, and I shake my head. “Tell him I can just meet him at Scotia. I need to get a few things in the city, anyway.”

Soph nods. “I can come with you, extra support, in case you need me. Just give me a signal, and I’ll come twist one of his balls off.”

I laugh as she replies to him.

Soph

She needs to grab some stuff in the city. We’ll meet you at Scotia.

Books

We?

Soph

Yeah, bodyguard Soph won’t stand any fuck shit going down.

Books

No fuck shit will go down Soph, but thanks for being a good friend to her.

Soph

Always.