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Chapter Forty-Five

Gabriel

Defeated and utterly disappointed, I drop my backpack just inside the front door and drop onto the couch. Three days on Kauai and I couldn’t find him. Which means he wasn’t there. I just missed him, I guess. If only I’d thought to look there sooner, maybe I’d have run into him.

I checked with the front desk and they told me they didn’t remember seeing anyone like Storm and they didn’t recall the name. Of course they couldn’t go digging through their files. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal. I asked them to though; I didn’t care. I’m ready to do anything to just talk to him one more time. To tell him how I feel, lay it all out. I need to get this off my chest, and he needs to know the truth—even if it’s not what he wants to hear.

I want to let him know that I’ll be patient with him the way he was for me. That I understand he’s struggling with being attached to things, and that’s okay. We don’t have to rush into anything. I need to explain every little thing to him so he understands and knows where I’m coming from and how I feel. And if he still chooses to not be with me, well, I guess all I can say is I tried my best. At least I tried.

I’m not expecting Storm to drop everything to be with me, but I can’t chance ruining another thing in my life over not speaking up. Had I just done that through the years, maybe things would be different now. No, not maybe. They would be.

Had I stood up to my parents sooner, I wouldn’t be here right now. Though, I’d also never have met Storm…

I was terrified when he came into my life, not having any clue what he was going to bring with him. I was sure it would be nothing but chaos, but funnily enough, it was the opposite. Storm brought me peace and an understanding about myself, all because he chose to accept me for who I was and be there with me to stick up to my parents. He was there for me. He was a support. I never knew how important that was, how much I needed it.

Of course, I’ve had Marta by my side for years. She’s always been on my side, but it’s different with her. Yes, we’re friends, but she has a family and a very demanding job. I can’t expect her to drop everything to be there for me. But Storm did. He was here when I needed him. Even when I didn’t realize I needed him.

I think back on the late nights in the yard. The meals he cooked on the grill. The mornings he would sit at the dining table and watch me cook. The nights I’d go into his room. When he came to me. I allowed him into my bed, to sleep with me, and it didn’t make my skin crawl. He made this house more of a home. He made it tolerable and livable and he gave me so much comfort in myself.

Storm is special to me, and maybe all the feelings I have for him aren’t real. I’d considered that I only feel this way because he’s been there for me during a vulnerable time, but deep down in my bones, I don’t think that’s true. My feelings for him aren’t just about him being there, supporting me, and being my first. It’s more than that.

It’s being able to tolerate him, firstly. It’s him being able to make me laugh. It’s being able to touch him and him touch me—sexually or otherwise—and not hate it. It’s having him in my space and liking it. It’s the fact that he’s gone and I miss him. I want him here. I wish I knew where he was and what he was doing.

Storm belongs here with me. I don’t care about the money or even this house. We can go somewhere else—anywhere. I just need him with me. We need to be together. We make each other better, and if that’s not a reason to be with someone, I don’t know what is.

With a heavy sigh, I get to my feet and glance at the backpack I left by the door. There weren't nearly enough things in there for my trip, but that was the last thing I was worrying about when I left. And guess what? I’m still here. I survived.

I leave the bag where it is and trudge up the stairs to go to bed. It’s late and I’m exhausted. I stop when I reach the top and turn to stare into his room.

That room used to carry such a negative feeling for me. It was Tara’s room, and a place I didn’t go frequently. It was the part of the house that wasn’t mine, that I had no control over. It was the same way when Storm moved in, until… suddenly, it wasn’t. He made it better by being in there. That room turned into a comfortable place for me, in a different way than my own room is.

Glancing at my room, I make a decision. Nothing in this house is the same without him. I don’t want to be in this house without him here. It’s lonelier than it ever has been before. But I still live here for now, and I need to sleep. My eyes are closing, that’s how tired I am. My feet start to move, knowing my body is about to collapse. When I find myself going toward Storm’s room, I just keep going. I need a piece of him right now. Something. Even if it’s the sheets he slept on.

I swing the door shut once I’m inside, get down to my boxer briefs, leaving my clothes piled in the corner, and I climb into bed. My foot snags on something under the blankets, and when I dig it out, I see it’s one of his shirts. A dark red one he wore often. He looks so good in this color. Hell, he looks good in everything and nothing. I pull it up and press it to my chest, inhaling his scent. I hug his pillow, close my eyes, and fall asleep.