Page 40

Chapter Forty

Storm

Our ninety-day agreement has come and gone. Gabriel hasn’t mentioned it, but I can see in his eyes that he wants to. Not only because he’s worried about not having a lease agreement, but because he thinks I’m going to leave—for good. He brought that up over dinner a few nights ago. He thought he was being subtle about it, but I see right through him. I know him so well, especially after that night we spent outside under the stars. I like to think he knows me too, but I’m not sure that’s true. I keep so much of myself to myself. It’s just what I’ve always done, and the need to be connected to someone isn’t enough to make me change my ways. Even if Gabe is the perfect person to be open with.

He isn’t judgmental, at least not about anything that matters. If I start talking about leaving toilet seats up, he gets real heated. He’s accepting, despite growing up in a family who is anything but. He listens to me, actually listens. There aren’t many people in this world who know how to listen—too many only listen to speak. But not Gabriel. He hears me. And the most important thing? Trust. He won’t share what I tell him. Not only because he doesn’t have anyone to share it with, outside of his one friend, but he wouldn’t do that. That’s not Gabe. Still, all of that isn’t enough to have me face my issues or consider something more with him.

The car pulls up in front of the bar. I don’t know the good places to go to in Seattle, so I did a quick search and chose one that had more than two stars. I need to breathe. Need a break from the house. Need to let loose and just… let go. So I head inside with the intention of getting blackout drunk.

It doesn’t work out quite that way.

I start drinking and have already had a few before a guy comes up to me and asks to be his group’s fourth in a game of pool. I agree because I’m pretty good, and they offered to buy me a drink.

“You live here?” one of the guys asks as he chalks up his stick.

“Yeah. I moved here a few months ago. You?”

“Me and Nick moved here for college, but Leo’s been here his whole life.”

Leo rolls his eyes at the words sounding almost like an insult before he takes his shot. Nick is on my team, while Leo and Adam are on the other. Leo gets the blue striped ball in, shoots again but misses. I go for the orange ball, get it in, then sink the green one, but miss the next one.

“You’re good,” Nick says, coming to stand close to my side.

“I play often.”

“So, you got a girlfriend, Storm?” Adam asks.

“No,” I draw out the word, causing all three of the guys to laugh. “That is not the team I like to play for.”

I keep my words casual, knowing some people aren’t cool with that, but not willing to hide who I am. Though I am attracted to anyone, based more on their personality than their looks, I am more drawn to males. My sexuality is too much to explain, and I hate thinking about it because it shouldn’t matter. I like who I like, and that’s that.

Thankfully no one comments. The only reaction is Adam giving Nick a little look that tells me maybe they already assumed this and maybe Nick is interested in me. He’s a good looking guy, but not my type. He looks like a jock, like the star quarterback, and that’s not who I’m into. Apparently I’m into shy nerdy guys who like science and weird numbers with history.

I huff out an annoyed sigh before taking my shot and missing.

We play four games in total. Nick and I win 3:1. He hands me his number once he’s ready to walk out the door, and I shove it in my pocket. I should throw it away, but something has me holding on to it. Just in case. The bar is open for another hour, so I find a seat and order a drink.

My phone has been going off here and there, but I haven’t looked at it. I needed some space. Needed to dip back into my old life and go out and party a little. Gabriel is probably worried, wondering where I am. I didn’t tell him where I was going or how long I’d be gone. It’s not fair to make him worry, but also… I never asked him to. This is the exact reason why I’m not cut out for a relationship. Not that we’re in a relationship, but it feels like it sometimes. A little too much, actually. I think it’s time I finally give him an answer to the question he asked me. It’s about time I tell him that what we’re doing is strictly for money, for fun, and for the videos, since they’ve been doing really well. I pull out my phone to answer his texts, only I don’t have one.

Frowning, I open my message thread with him and there isn’t one single text from him from today. The last one I have is from two days ago when he asked if I needed anything from the store because he was stopping after work.

I stare at my phone for a ridiculous amount of time, unable to pinpoint what I’m feeling. Disappointment keeps coming to mind, but that’s not right. I was just angry about him texting me and checking up on me, but now that I see he hasn’t, I’m… mad about it? No. That can’t be right.

I don’t want a relationship with him. I don’t. I can’t. I’m not cut out for a relationship, and won’t risk getting feelings for someone.

May be a little late for that.

Slamming my phone onto the bar top, I finish my drink and order another. This is such bullshit.

It’s just past three am when I get home. The house is silent, and I try to be as quiet as possible as I get inside. I go to my room, lay down in bed, but it feels all wrong. I’m not drunk, but I’m feeling the alcohol. It’s nowhere near how I used to get wasted. After a few minutes, I push myself out of bed and go into Gabe’s room, where I find him sleeping peacefully. It infuriates me.

“Why are you sleeping?” I yell, throwing my arms up.

Gabe jerks awake, sitting up and blinking his eyes to wake up.

“Storm?”

“Why are you sleeping?”

“Wh-what are you talking about?” He glances at the clock, then back at me, face full of sleep.

“I was out for hours and you’re just here sleeping like everything is fine? What if something happened to me?”

“I don’t understand what’s going—”

“You didn’t know where I was, didn’t know who I was with, and you just went to sleep like you didn’t even care. Like you don’t care. What if I didn’t come home at all, hm? Would you have called in the morning? How long for me to be missing before you’d try to find me?” I run my hands down my face, spinning in a circle. “Why does no one give a shit about me?”

“Storm, I do care about you,” he says, putting his hand on my arm.

When did he get out of bed?

“Obviously you don’t. You’re just like everyone else in my life. Everyone else who has left and doesn’t fucking care!”

I don’t know why any of these words are leaving my mouth. I have no idea why I’m yelling at him or taking out my anger on him. Hell, I don’t even know why all this stuff is bothering me when it’s never bothered me before.

“No,” he says firmly, shaking his head. He takes a step closer, putting his hands on my arms. “No, that isn’t true. I care about you.”

“Then why didn’t you text me!”

He holds my gaze, sighing. “I thought you needed to be alone.”

“I don’t ever want to be alone! Never! I’m tired of being alone. I’ve been alone my entire life.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“I don’t want to be alone,” I repeat, my eyes blurry, and completely hating it. Hating myself and what I’m doing.

Gabriel puts his arms around me, pulling me against him. I rest my face in the crook of his neck, allowing his body heat to seep through my clothes and into my skin. I grip his waist, rocking my head from side to side.

“You’re not alone,” he whispers. “I’m here.”

Before I know it, I’m sobbing against him like a child. All the while, he whispers to me that everything will be okay.

“It’s okay, Storm, I’m here. I’ve got you. You’re okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

I want to believe him. I really want to fucking believe him, but I don’t know if I can.