Page 41

41

SEBASTIAN

Once Ella and I had cleaned up, she wanted to catch a quick nap in the room Death had been using. The cot wasn’t much, but it was enough to keep us off the floor and warm. I hated leaving her, but I had things to sort out.

My emotions churned and my chest hurt at the thought of who Death was. What he’d done and planned to do. I had to find a way to keep him at bay. I dug my fingernails into my palms as I walked down the hall of the abandoned building and opened the door to where Kip was hanging out.

He glanced up as I entered the room.

“Hey, man.”

“I notice that you guys don’t call me by my name as much anymore. My guess? You’re trying to figure out who you’re dealing with.”

Kip gave me a reluctant nod. “Especially lately. You’re changing a lot. I’m guessing it’s all the stress.”

I rubbed my chin, the stubble scraping against my fingers. Shit had gone south so fast that I’d forgotten to shave. Hopefully I hadn’t scratched Ella too much.

She likes it.

“Shut up,” I muttered to Death.

Kip arched a brow at me. “You two are talking back and forth now?”

“We always did, I just didn’t realize what was happening.” I sank into an old metal chair near the desk and blew out a heavy sigh. “How have you put up with him all of these years?”

Compassion flashed across my friend’s face. “I won’t give you a line of shit, it’s been hard to deal with both of you. You’re loyal, and I never guess what your intentions are. You save women and children, that’s impressive. Your temper gets a bit out of control sometimes, but it’s usually … well, in the past it’s been when Death was going to reappear. And he, uh, sorry, Bass, but Death is a fucking bad ass. Honestly, I wouldn’t get rid of either of you.”

Shocked with his response, I leaned back in the chair and stretched my legs in front of me. “It’s too much for Ella and the kids. He’s too rough with her, and he brings out a side of her that is startling.”

Kip drummed his fingers on the desk and waited for me to finish, but I wasn’t sure what else to say.

“Ella has that darkness in her regardless. Look at how she loved working with criminals. She loves the danger and intrigue. Death gives her permission to be that woman. We’ve all accepted her. All of us except for you.”

“That’s because you all have known the truth for years. I’m just figuring out who I am, both sides of me, mate. I don’t know how to fucking deal with it. I’m around him more and more, so my awareness of what he does is much stronger, and it’s …” I rocked back on my heels, frustrated and terrified of that part of myself.

Silence hung in the air before Kip said, “You could go to a shrink and see if there are meds to help suppress Death, but you need to understand you might end up committed and never be a free man again. Dope and I had to make that decision for you for a long ass time, but now that you know … it’s up to you.”

My heart hammered against my ribs. I’d put everyone through hell. They lied and covered up my crimes because they believed in me. Both parts of me. It still baffled me why.

“Listen, I know you well enough to realize this is really fucking with you and that’s fair, man. Let me ask you this.” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, piercing me with his intense gaze. “If it were me or Dope in your situation. What would you do?”

I folded my arms over my chest as I chewed on his question. “You guys are my family. I would do anything in my power to protect you. I would stand by you.”

Kip grinned and snapped his fingers. “Exactly. To us, you’re family. We’ve all gone through hell and back together, and we’d do it again. You’d do the same for us, so quit beating yourself up for our choice to cover your tracks and keep you out of trouble. Bass, you do a helluva lot of good. Stop sweating it. You have the Horizon Society, and those women and children get a fresh, safe start all over because of you. Death, well, he helps the cops get rid of some really bad men. I mean, be real with me. Don’t you feel just a little bit better knowing that some of the people that kidnap kids and sell them won’t be around the twins? You’re protecting them and all the other kids who are too small to take care of themselves. As far as I’m concerned, Death is a fucking hero.”

I stared at the floor, tension snaking through my shoulders. “I hadn’t thought about how Death’s actions would keep the twins safe … all children actually.”

“Yup. He’s not as bad as you think he is. Ryan and I are used to the blood and gore, but part of that is due to my uncle. He’s a damn good cleaner.”

I leaned my head to the left, then the right, and stretched the tight muscles in my neck. “Crickey, this shit is heavy. All I know is that I either have to gain full control, so Death isn’t around, or learn to live with the bastard.”

“My vote? Learn to deal with him. There’s no guarantee that you’ll be able to suppress him, so you might as well embrace that part of yourself and him you.”

I barked out a laugh. “He hates me too.”

Kip grinned at me. “I don’t think he hates you, I think he hates that you’re with Ella. You’re married to her, and he isn’t. You sleep with her, and he does part of the time too, but he’s a possessive son of a bitch, and he hates sharing. He’s a selfish prick, and it’s just not in his nature.” Kip chuckled.

From the conversations that Death and I have had, I knew that Kip was right. Death wanted the same with Ella. I stood and shoved my hand through my hair. “I’ve never said this before, mate, but thank you for watching my back all these years. I hope I’ve done the same for you.”

Kip nodded. “Hell yeah you have. That’s what family does, man. My parents and relatives are all sorts of fucked up, so when I met you and Dope in middle school, and Death made some appearances, Dope and I agreed that no matter the cost we’d make sure you stayed out of a mental institution and helped direct you toward kills that were at least productive. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a real family. Anytime I needed a place to crash, you and Dope were always there for me. If I was in a fucked-up mood, you and Dope always made me laugh. As Death appeared more often, it gave me something else to focus on other than my own dark shit. So, yeah, you’ve done more for me than you’ll ever realize, and so has Death.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” I massaged the back of my neck. “You’ve never told me that much about when you were growing up. I know it wasn’t a good home life, and your mom was intense, but not much else other than the work you did with your uncle. Did you talk to Death about it?”

Kip pursed his lips. “Nah. It’s not anyone else’s problem.”

“Not true. You just said we were all family, so I’m here if you need anything.” I walked toward the door, then said, “Keep Xavier alive. Give him a few pain pills to keep him comfortable if you want to. I have a feeling I’ll need him later on. Death is ready to end his life, but not yet. I need answers.”

“You got it.”

“I’m going to get out of this dark ass building and get some fresh air. Maybe a walk will clear my head. I’ll be back in a few.”

“All right. It’s pretty secluded out here, so you should be good to roam around without running into anyone, but just keep your eyes open.”

“I will.” With our conversation heavy on my mind, I made my way through the old warehouse and to the front entrance. Pushing it open, the sunlight filtered through the trees and on my face. Maybe Death was used to hiding in dark buildings, but I wanted some air and the freedom to walk the fuck around outside.

The door closed behind me, and I walked to a trail that led north. The sun wouldn’t set for several hours, which would give me the time I needed alone to process what my next step should be. Kip seemed genuine when he told me he wanted Death to stick around. Plus, the thought of being committed to an institution made me physically sick.

You have to trust Ella, Kip, and Dope and what they say to you. They’ve chosen to stay. Let it go.

“Of course you’d say that, Death. You don’t want to disappear. You still want to get rid of me, though. Not sure where that leaves us.”

It’s a battle of the strongest. We know that’s not you.

“You really are an asshole.” I moved a low tree limb out of my way as I continued walking. The leaves were mostly still green, but a touch of yellow rimmed their edges, introducing a hint of fall.

An odd sound caught my attention, and I stilled as I tried to identify it. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end as I glanced around, but I didn’t see anyone. A sharp sting pierced my neck, and I reached up, ready to slap the bug that had just bitten me, but it wasn’t a bug that I felt.

“Motherfucker. Who shot me with a tranquilizer dart?”

Goddammit. What was I just saying about who the stronger one was? You were supposed to keep your eyes open in case anyone had located you and Ella.

“Son of a bitch.” The world spun as I dropped to my knees before it completely faded away.