Page 36

36

SEBASTIAN

I hated myself. I hated myself for being weak and allowing Death to rule my life, to ruin my marriage and relationship with my children. If I was strong enough, I would walk away and let them find someone who could love and protect them, not make them lie and live a double life.

The hot spray of the shower cascaded over me, and I stared as red water swirled down the drain. The abandoned building had a shitty bathroom, but it worked, and I had to wash the man’s blood and guts out of my hair. Ella wanted to join me, but I said no and let her clean up first.

You’re feeling sorry for yourself, asshole.

I gritted my teeth and slammed my fist against the shower wall. “Fucking stay out of my head, Death. You’ve done enough damage already. Leave. You’re not welcome here.”

His laugh echoed through my mind, pissing me off even more.

You think there’s a choice because you’re strong-willed? We’ve shared this body since the beginning of time. It just took your parent’s murder for me to fully evolve and appear.

I stilled with his confession, water streaming down my forehead into my eyes, but I barely noticed the burn.

“Have you been aware of me all along?” I grabbed the bar of soap and lathered my face while I waited for him to answer.

No. I only learned about you when I found out Ella was pregnant. I was going to kill you for fucking her.

I flinched at his crude words. “She deserves more than to be fucked, you son of a bitch.”

She likes it. She likes when I chase her through the woods and fuck her so hard she can’t walk.

His words were difficult to digest. She deserved to be worshipped and not treated badly.

But. She also likes it with you. The way you touch her and care about what makes her feel good. He grunted. It kills me to admit it, but I suppose every once in a while, we’re going to have to get along. Not because I like you, but for her.

“That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you put her first.”

I always put her first. She is my queen. I just have a different way of showing it.

We were definitely night and day. A part of me wondered if I could ever accept him. Accept that part of me, the pitch-black darkness. The other part of me wanted to fight it with everything I had, but what if it was futile?

Now. Are you finished with your fucking pity party, and we can get down to business?

I’d nearly forgotten that there was another prisoner waiting for him. Closing my eyes, I braced myself for what he was about to say. I didn’t ever want to be around again while he was killing someone, but I wasn’t sure after witnessing John’s death if I would be able to disappear. Death’s emotions and vile anger were so strong it triggered me to appear lately.

“What do you have in mind?”

Before we move on, I need to make sure we’re on the same page.

“About?” I rinsed the soap from my face and lathered my body as I continued to have a conversation with the other part of me.

Are you planning on leaving Ella and my children?

I snapped at him. “Clearly, my private thoughts aren’t private anymore.”

Answer the goddamn question. I’m not sure all the pretty words about needing her and not being able to do this without her were the truth .

My head hung, the muscles in my neck and shoulders aching from killing John and the weight of the emotional aftermath.

“I was planning on leaving, yeah. I’m a danger to her and my kids. I love her enough to leave them and allow them to heal and have a better life without us. That’s never even crossed your mind to be that selfless, has it, asshole?”

Pain shot through my skull so hard it dropped me to my knees.

If you hurt her by leaving, if my kids grow up without you around, I will find a way to kill you. I will take you over, and you’ll never see the light of day. I will fucking end you.

His words echoed in my mind as I gripped the sides of my head, gasping for air.

“So, you’re going to hold me hostage? Seems like it’s your go-to,” I grunted through the pain.

If you don’t want her, then just give in, and let me have her.