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Chapter thirty-four

Nadia

J ust as Whitlock explained, I was escorted back to Darkwater to grab what was left of my belongings and drop off the equipment I still had possession of. Usually, this type of thing doesn’t happen, a family member retrieves the items left behind, but I only have one day to myself. One day to let my landlord know that I won’t be returning, and to let my friends into my apartment to clean it out before the end of the month. A day to see which OB/GYN in the area would take on an inmate patient. A day to file my life away before I am placed in handcuffs, ones just like the pair I would wrap around Kace’s wrists.

I don’t understand why anyone would let me back in where I committed my crimes, but I don’t suppose it matters. With my police escort, I access my locker and grab what few items that were left while my old partner glares at me from afar.

He has been promoted while I was in the hospital. During my confession with Whitlock, I told him who the new power head of the AB was, and they quickly arrested and began their investigation into Clark, which meant Zurita was next in line for leadership. Judging by the new regalia on his uniform, the switch from silver embroidery to gold, that change is complete.

We never quite saw eye-to-eye, but I don’t think he had any indication that I was capable of committing my crimes. If you ask me, and any of the inmates I have worked with over the past three, almost four years, my charges are nothing in comparison. I’m a small-time criminal, even if I’m a sexual predator.

Going on a list over the broken little girl in me finding love in someone forbidden.

I want to nod at Zurita, giving him congratulations, but that seems odd in this case. Regardless, he earned it, he will be a good boss.

I’ve heard that many of the inmates that participated in killing guards during the riot have since succumbed to injuries of their own. I don’t know how much of that is true, but it doesn’t matter, truly. Officers and inmates are animals, all the same, you just have to find the limit a guard has and convince them to break it.

Apparently, my limit was power and companionship.

Kace made me feel things that I didn’t realize could be experienced. I have witnessed the same level of desire and devotion in other couples but never within myself. Someone dedicated to just wanting to see me happy and giving me all the gentle touches I could dream of. Keeping my little heart safe and warm, cherishing it, caressing it when it needs to be reminded how valuable it is.

There’s a part of myself that I hate for all the shit I have ever done to him. Relocating his commissary money, which eventually made its way back to his account but…

A knot forms in my throat, realizing he won’t be here to use it, and it will all be refunded back to his mother. What the fuck is she going to think when she learns that her son is gone? What… what is she going to say about me? Not once have I ever cared about what someone thought of me, but all of a sudden, knowing that she is probably going to hate me brings on a whole new pain.

Shame, unapologetic shame, fills every inch of me. It’s so immense that it’s even between the gaps of the atoms that make up my body.

Disappointment because I should have been a better woman to her son. Even if our relationship was out of the ordinary, and illegal, I never had to treat him the way that I did. My mother may not have been part of my life but knowing that his mother—the woman that brought him into this existence–would be disappointed in my behavior. I don’t know why that hurts so much either, but it does.

My mother didn’t love me enough to stay, and Kace’s mom will hate me just as much. I’ve lost everything, and the one last piece of him that I have, will end up with someone else. Since our baby’s safety and health is more important than my hopes on keeping them, it’s better this way.

How embarrassed our child would be, both parents, criminals. I can’t do that; I can’t put a kid through a broken home. I can’t be my dad, too.

“Let’s go, Pierce,” my escorting officer advises.

Making my way out of the guard office, I turn to look down the hallway that leads to the main hub of Darkwater. The dead bodies are gone, the blood cleaned up, the overpowering stench of a new coat of paint trying to cover up the violence that happened here. It will never mask the death and pain that these walls see.

Looking down at the floor, I can feel him with me, like he never left. His warmth against my back, his hand sliding into mine where our fingers would lace together. The sting of tears flood the back of my eyes as God's invisible fist squeezes around my throat.

“Aye, mami!”

My head snaps up at the warm sound of Matias, the shuffle of his shower slides skidding across the floor as he rushes over to the innermost gate. His hands curl around the bars as he looks through the cold metal bars.

It feels so odd looking at him this way.

“Nadia, no,” the officer grunts.

“Please? It’s just a moment.”

I didn’t wait for his compliance. They say it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission after all. And I have gotten that wrong my entire life, so why would I change things now? In my eyes, Matias is a part of Kace, and I need him so fucking bad right now.

Walking up to the bars, I gave the inmate a slight smirk while looking him up and down.

“You managed not to get sent away?”

“Nope, they liked me right where I’m at. Don’t ask why, I don’t know. You look like shit, by the way.”

“Charming as always, Matias. What do you want? I am on a tight schedule and all. Jail is waiting.”

“I just want you to know that you will be taken care of.”

Angling my head to the side, brows furrowing in confusion at what he said. If I were a normal person, someone without any experience in prison, I’d assume that his words were a threat, but I know better. This man, he makes things happen one way or another. Stepping closer to the bars, I lower my voice a little more, eyes focused on where his orange jumper hugs his waist, right where his sleeves are tied.

“What are you talking about?” I probe.

“We know you’re not coming back. Wherever you go, you will be taken care of.”

“How?”

“Your man.”

My gaze shoots up to his, the black pupils resting amongst the coffee brown irises. They dilate slightly like he is communicating a whole country’s worth of history in that single look, right as my heart feels like it was about to burst from my mouth.

He… he what?

“He loved you, you know.”

I… I can’t look at him.

Dragging my stare away from his, I look at the crossbar of the gate that separates us. My eyes watering beyond what my lashes can contain, fat droplets rolling down my cheeks as my chin starts to quiver. It’s undeserved, I never had a chance with Kace, no matter how hard we fought for what we wanted. Not when I…

“Stop it, mami. I can see the guilt written all over your face. He didn’t tell me much about what went on between you two, but I know you were it for him.”

“M— Matias, stop.”

“No, you listen to me. Kace would have given you the whole damn world, don’t be upset with yourself. You being who you were to him, is what he couldn’t get enough of. To him, you, Nadia Pierce, are everything, and he loved you so fucking much.”

“Nadia, let’s go,” the officer calls out.

Looking over my shoulder at him, I fight to school my features as much as I can despite the salty tracks leading down my face—my cheeks feeling warm from the inevitable pink splotches across them. I haven’t cried in a long fucking time, but I’ll be damned if I haven’t shed a lifetime worth of tears over the past week.

I don’t want to cry anymore, but I know I’m just getting started.

“I lo…”

“No. That’s not for me to hear.”

Matias reaches through the bars and cups my face, swiping his thumbs over my cheeks as he draws me to him, and presses our foreheads together. This is the softest I have ever seen this man be.

“Asi es como los villanos se forman.”

“Let her go, inmate!” the officer snaps.

Matias pulls back, releasing me only to hang on the metal partition again with that signature smirk of his trailing across his mouth. He gives me a little goodbye wave as I step back from the bars. I didn’t look away from him as he makes his way back to the center of the prison. When he slips from sight, my eyes flare at the shadow that lingers on the other side of the hallway.

If I could growl and snarl, I would— looking at the devil that stands behind the safety of the bars.

“You…”

Lucien lifts his hand and wiggles his fingers in a wave, the smug look in his eye enrages me.

“Nadia, this is the last time I’m going to say anything to you before I put you in handcuffs. Let’s go!” the officer belts, coming up behind me and grabbing my shoulder—turning me.

On instinct, I reach for and quickly snatch the gun out of his holster. It has been so long since I have held a gun—the weight comforting as I hold it up and aimed it at the snake.

“HEY!”

No clue who that was shouting, but fuck them. This… animal… cost me everything. Every ounce of my body is shaking except for my hand. Unlucky for the fucker, I’m a damn good shot and going to prison is the least of my worries.

“Where is he!?” I shout, tightening my finger on the trigger.

“Who?” Lucien replies.

“What are you a goddamn owl?”

“Watch your mouth,” he sneers.

“You going to come over here and shut it for me? god… damn.”

The way his grey eyes flare at that, introduces elation into my emotions. The wrath that rolls through me, the hatred, the disdain, for this miserable excuse of a human being. I promised him an unmarked grave with his name on it, and I will deliver it, one way or another.

Squeezing the trigger, the gun claps a loud thunder, sending the officers into a frenzy. Lucien howls at the pain as I shoot him through the dead center of his leg. A second shot echoed when I blow out the knee cap in his other leg. I may not be able to get him now, but that will be painful for many years, and when I come for him, good luck running.

“I’ll fucking kill you, Nadia!”

“No, you won’t. If you were going to, you would have done so a long time ago!” I scream back, the officers rushing to disarm me and drop me to the floor. Knocking the breath from my lungs as I look over at Lucien and watch him bleed across the concrete floor. The laugh that bubbles out of me is completely foreign, but oddly soothing.

“Get the hell off me you fucking clowns!”

Weight presses between my shoulders; my arms wrenched to my lower back as metal slaps around them. The audible rasp of cuffs adds to the intensity of the moment. A hand takes hold of each bicep before yanking me off the floor.

“Get her the hell out of here,” one spoke, another picking the discharged weapon off the floor and returns it to its holster as Nurse Cindy rushed in with her medical assistant to attend to Lucien’s injuries.

“Be easy with her. She’s carrying.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“What?” Lucien nearly barks, pushing the medical assistant out of the way to look over at me.

The way my face breaks into the darkest grin, seeing his surprise, and dare I say, anger?

“You’re pregnant?”

Not answering, there isn’t any resistance when the officers start dragging me away. Nurse Cindy and Lucien growing smaller the further I am walked away. His deep, frustrated yelling is the last thing I hear from him when the door slams shut behind me.

Shoved into the back of the squad car, I settled in, tilting my head back against the headrest trying to find a comfortable position. Whitlock secured me a day to square away my things, but I royally fucked that up by shooting Lucien. Let’s just add aggravated assault with a deadly weapon to my rap sheet. Hell, if the judge knows anything about him, maybe he will cut me some slack for almost killing him. Sadly, I’ve never been lucky in life and that isn’t about to change now.

My escorting officers drop into their respective seats and grumble amongst themselves. Ignoring my existence, which is fine, I’d like to disappear at this point. What good is there in being noticed?

“You realize how bad you fucked up in there?” the driver asks.

“What’s your name again?”

“Reyes.”

“I doubt this, but you kin to Kaleb Reyes?”

I knew the chances were very slim, but I couldn’t stop myself from asking, twisting to look out of the window, the squad car driving off of the prison grounds.

“Yeah, my nephew.”

Jesus Christ. I should have kept my fucking mouth shut.

“He was my best friend. I was with him a few nights before his accident, and at the funeral.”

“I thought you looked familiar. You’ve fallen.”

“Don’t we all?”

The car ride got quiet, and I let my eyes close.

My soul is tired, I could sleep forever.