Page 3

Chapter one

Nadia

10 Years ago - 18 years old

“ D ad?” I called out while bursting through the door. My grad cap and gown hung over my arm, solid black Converse squeaking across the floor I spent last night scrubbing. Dad had a tantrum and tossed the pot of spaghetti I made for dinner on the ground.

Today is my graduation.

I know my dad never got to walk the stage and grab his high school diploma, but I sure as hell did and that makes me ten kinds of proud of myself. Just don’t ask me about my mom and her accomplishments because I couldn’t tell you.

She has been absent my entire life, except for the first five or six months, according to my dad. After that, she dipped and we haven’t seen her since. He blames me for it, saying that there was something about me that she just couldn’t ‘connect with’ as a mom, and therefore, it was best that she left.

Sounds like some ‘sperm-donor’ type bullshit if you ask me, but I digress. It’s my graduation day, and despite my dad not showing up for the ceremony, I am going to make the best of it. First things first though, I need to find him and see if I can borrow the truck so I can hang out with my friends before the rest of the festivities start.

“Dad?” I called out a bit louder, moving out of the kitchen and into the living room. Silence. He isn’t sitting in his worn down lazee-guy chair just across from the TV like normal. I swear I could find its twin under the bridge in the tent-city if I tried; it would look better than his. Taking a peek at his side table, his ashtray isn’t empty but there isn’t a cigar sitting on it, burning, so I know he hasn’t been in here for a while.

Making my way through the dingy living room, down to the hallway lined with faux wood paneling, I finally hear some sort of commotion, causing me to pick up speed.

I’m excited to go out.

“Hey dad!” I ring out one more time before bursting through his door, coming to a halt.

“Oh my god!” I yell.

My hands immediately shoot up to cover my eyes when I spot Dad in the bed with some woman… no, some girl. His broad back sweating profusely, the droplets trickling through the dark and sparse hair on his shoulders while a pair of small hands scratch down his back muscles.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Nadi! Don’t you know how to knock?!” he screamed at me, reaching for something on his nightstand then hurling it in my direction. I jump as it thuds against the wall closest to me, turning to see what it was that had almost hit me in the head. A liquor bottle.

How surprising.

Holy hell, I think I’m going to be sick. Out of everything that I could have walked in on… it had to be this. Not once has he brought a girl home, that I know of, nor have I ever caught him having sex with someone. Reaching up, and frozen in place, I dry heave. My mouth doing that weird salivating thing right before you vomit. My stomach drawing in as I got ready to deposit the celebratory champagne I drank after the graduation ceremony on the floor.

“GET OUT!” Dad bellowed at me and this was the moment that my feet finally decided to move.

I turned and darted out of the bedroom as fast as I could. I ran straight to the kitchen, grabbed the truck keys, and bolted out the back door. I don’t care if he gets mad at me for taking it. At this point in time, he is likely happier that I am out of the house rather than standing there like a deer in the headlights, trying to comprehend the disgusting display before me.

Yanking the door open, in a near GTA style, I climb inside of the truck and immediately slam it before jamming the key into the ignition; you’d think I had just witnessed a murder.

Would be an improvement, honestly.

Trying to suck in a breath, my thoughts jump right back to them, in bed, and I wretch again.

It was only a matter of seconds before I was peeling out of the driveway and on my way to the outskirts of my town, Hazelwood, Indiana. Our town isn’t terribly big, nor is it small. Primarily white trash with a hand full of African Americans here and a sprinkle of Hispanics or other ethnicities there.

Hazelwood isn’t remarkable either, in fact it looks pretty run down compared to its surrounding cities. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if investors start encroaching and try to run the locals out. A few land developers attempted to in the past but couldn’t get a leg up since the rest of the town was too dilapidated to appeal to new home buyers.

As I drive, I can’t help but think back over the past four years of high school. How bland everything was for me. Unexciting. Unremarkable. Just… drab. I feel like I have done everything that I can to get out of this shit hole, but if I know my dad and how big of a dick he can be, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. Hell, I don’t even know what I want to do with my life.

Most young people here tend to go into the military, become truck drivers, or work at one of the piddly restaurants that pop up then quickly go out of business. That’s if they stay in town; everyone else has to drive an hour or so to get to anything that pays worth a damn.

As hard as I tried to avoid it, I know that’s likely what my life is going to entail, and god, the idea of that is dreadful. I want more for myself even if the pessimist in me does its best to keep me down.

The drive goes quickly, and the next thing I know, my back is straightening when I see my turn coming up. My friends are having a bonfire tonight and have invited alumni from the past few years to join us since we are all peers now. I hope to see that they’re doing better than I am, at least. Maybe some of them can give me a better idea of what the rest of my life could look like or what directions I can take since the school counselor hasn’t been helpful.

Who would have thought it was so damn difficult to grab a bunch of college brochures off the wall and discuss what the fuck FAFSA is. Apparently very challenging for Mr. Fredrickson.

When I come to a stop, I see my best friend, Ivy, standing next to our other friends, Oliver and Wren. They have been my ride or dies since kindergarten. We have done everything together from getting into trouble to dealing with heart break and everything in between. There were many times where I had to escape to one of their houses after pissing my dad off while he went on yet another drunken rampage.

They have saved me so many times, and I am eternally grateful for what they have done for me. Even if I don’t know how to pay them back.

I’ll figure it out one day, but right now, I need to let loose. I need them.

“There she is,” Wren chimed when I jumped out of the truck and slammed the door. Making my way over to the group, I give them all hugs and beam a smile when Oliver handed me a plastic red cup.

“‘Bout time you got here, Nadi. We were beginning to worry that your old man wasn’t going to let you join us tonight,” Ivy said.

“Yeah, well, I almost died. I walked in on him having sex with someone.”

Ivy immediately gagged.

“I didn’t get that long of a look, I’m just glad he was covered up. I already know I’m going to have nightmares.”

“Jeez, I would ask if your day could get any worse but it seems like it could. First, he didn’t show up to your graduation then you had to endure that? Fuck!” Oliver replied.

“Won’t lie, I’d rather have died,” I joked.

“Let’s just hope he doesn’t try to hunt the truck down again,” Wren stated.

“Agreed.”

“Anyway, bitches, let’s drink,” Ivy said with a salacious grin. As our resident ‘it’ girl, she was ready to be noticed by the older alumni. Especially some of the jocks that graduated a few years ago. Thirsty skank.

A little while later, we were all sitting on the tailgate of the truck while more and more people started to arrive. What we anticipated was going to be around ten to fifteen people turned into fifty real fast.

Tilting my cup up, I swallow a drink as my eyes shifted across the field we like to party at. It was a wonder that most of us out here looked like we were doing much better than our parents, but then again, I know looks can be deceiving. Me and my friends can confirm that, with just my issues alone.

Ivy's dad is in Darkwater Correctional for white collar crimes. He embezzled a few million dollars from the company he worked for and instead of the owners just firing him, they threw the book at him. He’s doing, I think, 15 more years inside before he is supposed to be released. Ivy hopes to be long gone by then. It’s not that she doesn’t love her dad, it’s that she is embarrassed now, and his crimes are going to become a stain on her professional Instagram career.

Oliver’s parents seem to be doing well, but they’re both cheating on one another. Oliver has caught both at one point or another, and they continually try to manipulate him into staying quiet and not telling the other. The day they go to court for adultery, Oliver is going to let it all out. Man, what I would do to be there. At least they both pay him to keep his mouth closed. He has saved up enough money to get a new Toyota Tundra and still have a hefty amount left over at the end of the month.

Wren though? Her big sister raised her. They ran away from their parents in Oregon. Wren was about six at the time and her sister, Rylie, was 17. Rylie is like the ‘mom’ friend, and supports Wren in everything she does. She is one of those lucky ones that gets to drive an hour to work every day. She’s pretty damn cool though. First time I ever smoked pot or had a drink was with her.

It’s safe to say, we are all fucked up in one way or another.

Once the bonfire started, people began to get a little rowdy. A few of the college freshmen that came were getting antsy trying to pick up some of the girls who came, while others passed around beer, liquor, weed, and from the looks of it… pills. I couldn’t be upset, really, the high schoolers did the same. It just wasn’t my thing. Never mind my dad being a raging drunk. I just wanted to remain on a path of the straight and narrow since I didn’t know which direction my life was going to take.

Sliding off the tailgate, I sauntered over to a murdered-out Honda Civic that barely cleared the grass. I know the driver. Alright, fine, I’ve had a crush on the driver since I was a sophomore. Kaleb Reyes, or Rey as I liked to call him instead of his white boy name. Tall, tan, dark eyes, dark hair, full lips, and that cocky attitude of his had me wrapped around his finger. If I was comfortable talking to any of the college students here, it was him.

“Hey, Rey,” I cooed as I walked up to his car, eyes glossing over the pretty matte black pin-striping that you’d usually see on something like a El Camino.

“Nadi, how have you been?”

“Not too bad, I guess.”

“That’s good. Happy graduation day,” Kaleb grunted with a sly grin.

“Thanks, this your new car?”

“Yeah, want to take a look at her? I’ve had her for about six months. Trying to work enough to save up for some body modifications, and maybe a new intake,” he explained. Running his hand over the driver side fender, a gleam in his dark gaze.

“You’re speaking a different language. I don’t know a damn thing about cars, Rey. Dumb it down for me.”

Kaleb chuckled while he moved the stand that held the hood up and then shut it with a loud thud. Turning, he leaned against the front of the car and crossed his arms. Those dark eyes lingering over me.

I wasn’t wearing anything too fancy; a pair of jean shorts that were frayed at the end but not too short because I don’t like my ass hanging out, and a tied-off Motley Crüe t-shirt. My mid-back length dark hair was pulled into a sleek pony tail thanks to graduation.

“You wound me, Nadi. I thought you would have learned a bit more in my year away so you actually have something to impress me with.”

Ouch, I thought to myself.

Prick.

“And impressing you is important why?” I dished back.

Kaleb shrugged then shoved away from the car, walking over to the passenger side and opening the door before motioning to me to get inside.

What a fucking gentleman.

Making my way through the open door, I dropped down into the low bucket seat, immediately grabbing the seatbelt to strap it over my body as he shut the door. After a few moments, he joined me inside and did the same. Turning the car on, then putting it in reverse, but instead of using the back-up cameras, he turned his upper body and placed his right hand to on the left shoulder of my seat while he looked out the back window.

This gave me a moment or two to really look at him. While he looked a little tired, he was still just as cute as he was when we had classes together. Now, however, he had grown out his facial hair to frame his jawline. The unruly spikes he normally would mold his hair into, were now long gone, the strands flopping over his forehead and poked out from the edge of his backwards hat.

Putting the Civic back in drive, we gently made our way out of the field and back onto the road where Kaleb immediately opened the car up, and we took off zipping through the winding roads.

“How has college been?” I asked hurriedly, trying to break some of the tension while simultaneously filling the space. My stomach leaping into my chest as my body was forced back into the seat.

“Meh, not bad. Keeping my grades up isn’t that hard. I work most of the time so I’ve stayed out of the spotlight. The guys though? Different story. Logan already has a kid and Warren just got out of county.”

Dropping his hand, he grabbed the gearshift, and with a sudden press of one of his feet, he shifted the car into the next gear and launched faster.

Fucking hell.

“That doesn’t sound terrible for you. Say, if you could give me any advice when it comes to school or getting out of Hazelwood, what would you give?” My words breathy from being thrown back in my seat following the acceleration.

Silence lingered for a moment, the red glow of the dashboard and center console barely lighting up his features while he drove. I couldn’t help but watch him. He was going to be one of those guys that got better with age. Jensen Ackles-like, motherfucker. Something I am sure he knew, so I never commented on it.

“Honestly, I wouldn’t waste your time with school until you know what you want to do. There are so many different avenues and jobs out there that don’t require a college degree, and they pay just as much, if not more, than those that do.”

“Ahh, that’s helpful, I guess. Not really,” I stated with a little bit of a bite.

Kaleb chuckled again; a chuckle that used to sound enthusiastic, now felt a little flat.

“Always such a curt smart ass, Nadi. The things I could do to that mouth of yours now that you’re a big girl.”

Heat bloomed in my cheeks, making me yank my gaze away from his to stare out the tinted window. A soft, defiant huff leaving my lips.

Secrets be told; I wouldn’t shy away from finding out.

His dad wasn’t in the picture growing up so that’s what made us connect, in a way. I didn’t have a mom and his dad left for good when he went on a beer run. We both suffered with broken families, and now we both aspired to get the hell out of this town.

“Thank you, though. For telling... sharing. I don’t have the patience to waste my time so I’ll have to keep your words of wisdom in mind.”

“See that you do. College is unnecessarily expensive. Especially when you can do something else. Something good.”

“Yeah? What makes you think I want to do anything good, Rey?”

“You planning on committing murder or something?”

“Nah, not yet.”

Both of our chuckles fill the space between us, a completely different tension setting in.

We drove the rest of the night, until the moon was high in the sky and he had to fill the tank up before heading back to the field. We did this a few times before he left for college. I was always so relaxed when I got home that I went straight to sleep. Though he was friends with the assholes of school, he always made me feel safe.

It was about one a.m. when we made it back to the field where plenty of people were still milling around.

After Kaleb opened the door and I climbed out, I shuddered and tensed when I heard my name being screamed across the field by an all too familiar voice.

“Nadia Rayle Pierce!”

“Fuck, it’s my dad,” I said, turning to Kaleb.

He grimaced, remembering the bullshit dad has put me through, but being the smarter one of us, he remained quiet as my pissed off father approached. Those arms of his crossing over his chest once more when he leaned back against the hood of the car, never one to get in the middle of me and my dad. Perhaps that’s the reason I never truly pursued anything with Kaleb. I wanted… needed someone to go to bat for me. And, sadly, that wasn’t him.

“I have been looking everywhere for you. Go, get your ass in the goddamn truck. We are going home!”

“Alright, alright!”

“Don’t you fuckin’ raise your voice at me, Nadia. I’ll beat that attitude right out of your smart fucking mouth.”

That’s all I was able to mutter before I was yanked away from Kaleb, dad’s hand gripping my upper arm in a way that I was sure would leave bruises.

Turning back to look at Kaleb, my Converse barely keeping up with my dad’s quicker and longer strides. Nearly dragging me down to my knees until I faced forward and focused on where I’m walking.

Little did I know, that was the last time I was going to see Kaleb. He was killed in a racing accident a few days later. His beautiful black Civic wrapped around a pole at sixty miles an hour. They said he didn’t feel anything, and I hoped that was true. Either way, my heart broke for him.

Dad pushed me to find a job the day after his funeral. Before I knew what was happening, my life had been consumed with work and paying half the bills of the house. Even half of the groceries while he, who made significantly more than I did, went out on the town living his bachelor life now that his daughter is an adult. Gone were the days where I actually had a parent and felt like I was growing into the woman I wanted to be. It was time to slave away, hand my cash over, and hope to God this ended sooner rather than later.

I lived like this for several years. I had so many hopes and dreams. Too bad no one gives a fuck what they are; aspirations don’t matter in Hazelwood. My friends care, but they are off living their own lives. Kaleb cared too, but as broken as I felt… I had to move forward, even if my mind started to chip away.