Page 6 of Axios

Speaking of my family was strange as I hadn’t thought of them in many moons. Torn away from them years ago had created a wedge in my heart, and I had long since let go of longing for my mother’s guidance and rivalry with my sister.

“What of your father?” he asked next.

“He died in battle before my birth. I’m told he was strong, courageous, and well-disciplined. Sometimes I wish I would have been given the chance to know him.”

“Sometimes?” he asked.

He missed nothing.

I met his curious stare. “I fear he’d be disappointed in me. My skills are poor, and I lack the warrior mindset. My mother does not worry over me because she fears for my safety, it is because she fears I will disgrace our name.” Admitting such a thing aloud was different than having kept it only inside my mind. It made it real. “Unlike you. Your father must be proud of the man you’re becoming.”

He shrugged and laid his head back on the pillow of grass that matched the shade of his eyes. “My father is dead, so I do not know if he’d be proud.”

“Did war take him?” I asked, thankful for the topic shift.

Eryx remained silent, and I worried that the question had upset him. Before I could issue my apology, his gaze flickered to mine.

“No. He did not die in war.” He looked away with a saddened expression. And also, perhaps humiliation. “He fled battle, and when he returned to Sparta, he was publically shunned. As all cowards are treated, he was forced to dress in rags and have his face shaved. Everyone who looked upon him saw his disgrace.”

Men who were unable to develop as expected and who cowered from the harshness of being a Spartan were called tremblers. When they were identified as such, they had to shave off half of their beards—if they had one—and wear a multi-colored patched cloak to show their humiliation through a ridiculous appearance. Cowards were mocked and despised, by both men and women alike. They couldn’t hold any standing in the community.

For Eryx to be the son of a coward, he had to earn back the honor of his family’s name. It also explained why the trainers pushed him so hard.

“What happened to him?” I asked.

“He slit his own throat. The shame was too much for him to bear. Do you think badly of me now?” he asked in a whisper, staring at a cloud as it slowly moved overhead.

I couldn’t have him thinking such nonsense. Gently, I touched his cheek with the back of my hand until he focused on me.

“Never,” I said, leaning closer. “You are not your father, Eryx. You are brave with a keen mind and possess skills that are far greater than even the more experienced youths. Nothing could ever cause me to think badly of you. Nothing.”

He watched me. Quiet. Dark lashes framed his eyes, and I felt myself getting lost in his light-green depths.

“I treasure you,” he finally spoke. “Not a day passes where I do not thank the gods for placing you in my life.”

Smiling, I laid my head beside his and nudged his arm playfully. “Becoming sentimental are we? I suppose I feel the same.”

My words were light, but my heart weighed heavily. His confession was like a warm cloak around my very being. I felt at peace in his presence.

“What of your mother?” I asked, not ready to give in to the silence.

His stare roamed across the expanse of the blue domain above. “She died bringing me into this world. Before theagoge, I visited her grave often.”

In Sparta, only men who died in battle or women who died in childbirth were permitted inscribed graves. Both were seen as heroes.

“So, if your mother died at your birth, how old were you when your father met his end?”

“Nearly seven,” he answered. “I took care of myself until I joined theagoge.”

He’d had such a hard life, and we weren’t even men yet. It was no surprise to me, though, that he was able to fend for himself. Perhaps that was one reason he excelled in drills and survival exercises. He’d already lived it.

When we finally returned, I saw a crowd of boys huddled together and facing a scene before them. I cast a look to Eryx, who shrugged, and we approached. Boys from our herd were standing before Felix and a few other men.

Felix walked down the line and tore off each of their tunics, exposing their naked flesh for all to see.

“What is happening?” I asked Eryx, feeling uneasiness in my gut.

He focused on me with his green eyes and gently touched my arm. “Do not worry. This is expected. We are youths of twelve now, and this is the next phase of our training.”