Page 22 of Avenging Azalea (California Made Men #2)

“Of course, you can always ask me anything,” I said.

Giving Fawn my full attention, I watched as her cheeks slowly flushed bright pink.

She was nibbling on her bottom lip, something she did when she was nervous.

She looked adorable but also sexy. That was hard to pull off, yet she did it without trying.

The only light in the room came from the television, illuminating one side of her face while leaving half in shadows.

“I know I said I didn’t want to talk about this multiple times, but I just don’t understand. Were you dating Vera all this time and didn’t want to tell me? It feels like a pretty big thing not to share. I guess I’m hurt that you’ve kept this important, life-altering event from me.”

“No, it’s not like that. I would never hide someone I was dating from you, especially if it was serious.”

“Wouldn’t you? You’ve never mentioned dating anyone, now that I think about it.”

“It’s because I haven’t dated anyone.”

“Oh….” The wheels were turning in her head now.

“Did you date before you took me in?”

I looked away. “Yes.”

“But not after?”

“No, not after. I was busy with work and wanted to make sure that you were settling into your new life.”

“But it’s been three years.”

I shrugged. “It felt like a blink.”

Fawn crossed her arms. I could tell she was frustrated and talking herself into asking more questions. This was a bad idea, but my ass stayed firmly planted on the leather couch.

“Okay, so you weren’t dating. Was it love at first sight or something?”

“No, it’s not like that either,” I said, running my hand through my hair. “Listen, I really should go to bed.”

Fawn grabbed my arm before I could push myself up.

“It’s taking all my courage to ask you these questions. You offered me answers before, so please, give them to me now, and I’ll never ask about her again.”

“Fawn, you were right about not talking. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Why? I’m not a child. Hell, I’m not sure I ever was, and I’m long past being your ward.”

She let go of my arm, but I still couldn’t leave. Fawn looked down at her hands as she played with the cuffs on the hoodie.

“Please just tell me if you love her.”

We’d gone from treading in a very dangerous topic to diving into the deep end without life jackets.

“Please,” she begged.

Her pleading voice traveled through me and hindered my ability to breathe. It would be smarter to tell her, yes, but I couldn’t. I’d never lied to Fawn about anything. Omitted for her own safety…yes. Lied to…never.

“No, I don’t love her,” I said, sighing as Fawn moved closer.

“Then why are you marrying her? Steph said it must be an arranged marriage. Is that true? Are you marrying her because you have to? I can’t imagine you being forced to do anything.”

“Fawn, I can’t….”

She reached out and touched my face with a single feather-soft finger, demanding my full attention. I turned and looked at her as she scrambled every ounce of common sense inside of me.

“Tell me what’s going on. Stop trying to protect me. I don’t need you to look after me anymore. I’m not the damaged girl you freed from a cage. I saw the look in your eyes when those guys were here. I know you have feelings for me.”

Her green eyes bore into my soul, and my heart pounded out of control.

“I’ll never stop protecting you, Fawn. How I feel is inconsequential,” I whispered.

Flames licked my skin where our bodies touched. Fawn’s eyes were insistent and filled with a lust that I’d only seen in my fantasies. Dreams that I’d tried to forget, ones that I’d berated myself over.

“Tell me.”

“Yes, Steph is right. It’s a contract between our families. No, I don’t love her. I barely know her, but that doesn’t mean I’m any less engaged.”

Fawn shifted, and I sucked in a ragged breath. One moment, she was beside me, and the next, she was straddling my lap, her lips dangerously near mine.

“What are you doing,” I stupidly asked, my brain misfiring even as my body lit up.

Instead of pushing Fawn off, I gripped her hips and groaned as she pressed against me.

“I want you,” Fawn whispered, and I wasn’t sure if I’d passed out somewhere and was dreaming.

When her lips touched mine, the world stopped.

The noise in my head was gone, and all I saw was her.

All I felt were her curves, and all I smelled was her sweet scent that reminded me of citrus and fresh-cut grass.

My chest heaved as I fought off the need rolling through my body like a wave and sweeping me away.

“I want you, even if it’s only for tonight,” she said against my lips, then kissed me harder.

The logical part of my brain knew that we shouldn’t do this. But the emotional side that loved Fawn, the greedy side that wanted to keep her, and the dominant side that wanted to make her mine won out as her lips moved against mine.

She broke my resolve, and my fingers tightened as she sat down right on my aching cock.

Fawn wiggled in my lap, driving me wild.

I was a good man, but I was no saint. Sliding my hand up her back, I gripped her long hair in my fist and ate up her soft moans.

She was a shot of adrenaline in my veins and decadent on my tongue. I couldn’t get enough.

Fawn’s fingers raked through my hair as our tongues explored and teased. There was a desperation in her kiss that matched the frenzy inside of me.

Flipping our position on the couch, I blanketed her with my body as I ravaged her mouth. Fawn moaned again, and her desire mirrored what I’d been trying to push down for months. I couldn’t figure out if the realization was comforting or just hurt more.

“It’s a simple question. Are you getting your dick wet?”

I broke the kiss as Ronan’s question floated through my mind. Fawn was no longer the kid that I had taken in. She’d made that clear, but that didn’t make this right.

“Don’t do it,” Fawn said, locking her arms around my neck.

“Fawn….”

“No! For once, don’t be the nice guy, the good guy, the perfect guy. Don’t be noble. This is what I want. I want you.”

I almost caved, but no matter how I dissected this moment, it ended the same way, with sadness.

We wouldn’t be the same. One night wouldn’t quench our longing.

It would only fan the fire into a blazing inferno.

I knew where that led. She called me noble, but even the noblest of us had limitations, and I would never let her go.

I’d keep her by my side, and it would tear my soul in two because I never wanted to relegate her to a mistress. She deserved so much more.

“I can’t,” I breathed out.

“Do you not want me?”

“I think you know how much I want you,” I growled, battling back the burning need that was encouraging me to go against everything I believed in and take what I wanted.

“Then why? I’m asking you for this before you’re married, and…please, you’re not taking advantage of me. I’m not doing it to pay you back. I…I….” She looked away, but I knew her heart matched my own.

“I know all of that, but I still can’t,” I said.

I imagined that tearing off a limb was easier than pulling myself away from Fawn. She let go of my neck, and the hurt in her eyes seized my heart.

“I’m not a child. I’m a grown woman and can make my own choices,” Fawn argued.

She was right. But what I couldn’t tell her was that I loved her. That was dangerous, far more dangerous than it seemed on the surface.

My heart longed for her, but I was bound to a different life. A life that I never wanted her to experience. I stood, stepping back from the couch and the temptation at my fingertips.

“Fawn, you’re right. You’re a beautiful, intelligent, amazing woman, but I can’t in good conscience have sex with you while I’m promised to another.

If I sleep with you, then I fear it will open a door that I’ll never be able to close.

Like trying to put the world’s evil back in Pandora’s box.

” She pulled her feet up, wrapping her arms around her knees.

“That may not make sense to you, but you know me. I’m loyal and honest. I stand by my morals regardless of what I want.

I don’t love Vera, but if I’m spending the rest of my life with her, then I can’t start our marriage with betrayal. It’s not fair to anyone.”

She nodded even as her eyes filled with tears. Fawn looked away and swiped at her face as if her pain was no big deal, and I hated myself for letting things get this far. I’d hurt her without it ever being my intention.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I never should’ve put you in this position.”

“It’s okay. It’s just been a really long day for everyone. Sleep well, Fawn,” I said, walking out of the den, into my bedroom, and straight into the shower without removing my clothes.

Fuck, if this was a test, then I’d failed because no matter what words came out of my mouth…I wanted her.