Page 22 of Avalanche (Endless Winter #3)

Matty

“Matty has something to tell you guys, don’t you mate?”

I swallow around the lump in my throat, leaning into the pressure of Eddie’s hand against my back as he pushes me down the hallway.

I can hear Antoine and Liam in the kitchen, the clanging of dishes and pans as they make breakfast. It smells good too, or it would if I didn’t feel like throwing up.

“What’s that?” Liam calls out over the sound of something sizzling in a pan, then softer—to Antoine, presumably— “Did you hear what Eddie said?”

“No, I?—”

The pair of them fall silent as I round the corner. I don’t miss the look of warning on Liam’s face, or the way Antoine’s throat bobs as he swallows back whatever words he’d been about to say.

Eddie gives my back another push, shoving me into the kitchen, my feet nearly tangling beneath me.

“Come on,” he urges. “You know what you were gonna say.”

Yes. Yes, I do.

We’d practiced it in our room this morning, when the early light had bled through the crinkled blinds. It doesn’t make the words any easier to say.

“I’m sorry,” I rasp, biting the inside of my cheek so hard I taste metal.

“For…” Eddie gives my back a prodding nudge.

A knot tightens in my gut. I flatten one hand against my stomach, suddenly painfully aware that I’m only wearing a thin, tight sleeping shirt and a pair of boxers.

Why didn’t I get dressed? This feels like a conversation to have fully clothed.

“For being a jerk,” I croak, then shoot a nervous glance in Antoine’s direction. “About you and Lily, I mean.”

Antoine gives a slow nod, those full lips pulling into a thoughtful frown.

I kissed those lips. Just yesterday. Felt their softness against my own.

“Okay,” Antoine says slowly, but there’s a wariness in his gaze as he watches me step further into the kitchen.

I put that there, that look. The knot in my stomach twists, guilt and anger mixing until I don’t know which is which.

“Yeah, you’re going to have to do better than that,” Eddie claps me on the shoulder, then pushes past me to pull out his usual chair at the kitchen table. He looks up at Liam with a hopeful grin. “You’re making breakfast for me too, right?”

Liam gives an exasperated sigh, then turns to crack another half carton of eggs into a bowl. Eddie turns, looking meaningfully from me to the seat beside him at the table.

Well, I guess I’m doing this.

My face burns as I slide into my seat beside Eddie, the wood creaking ominously, louder than usual in the waiting silence of the kitchen. For a long moment, the only sound is the sizzling of the eggs on the stove and the thundering of my own heart.

“I, uh, I guess I owe you an explanation,” I begin, daring a glance up at Antoine.

He’s still leaning against the kitchen counter, his long limbs stretched in front of him, a tight-fitting sweater stretching across his shoulders, accentuating the dip of his waist.

He’s beautiful. Why does he have to be so beautiful?

I clear my throat and stare down at the table.

And then I tell them everything.

By the time I’m done, Eddie has finished eating the eggs Liam cooked him and is pretending not to stare pityingly at me over his cup of coffee. Liam has nearly finished his breakfast too, pausing between mouthfuls to blink at me in disbelief.

Not Antoine though. No, his plate sits nearly untouched in front of him, just like mine. I prod at the cold eggs with my fork and try to work up the courage to take a bite.

“ Merde ,” he whispers, his own fork clasped so tight, the backs of his knuckles are pale against his dark skin. “I didn’t… I had no idea.”

I shrug and make a sound that’s too rough and full of heartache to be a laugh. “It’s okay,” I mumble. Because what else is there to say? What do you say when the guy you’re falling for is going to marry the woman you love? “I get it.”

And that’s the truth. It took me a while. Took Eddie a while. We’d walked until our booted feet were numb, until frostbite was threatening to take our ungloved hands, and then he’d pulled me into a half-empty diner and we’d talked some more.

Or rather, I’d listened as Eddie talked, his voice never stopping as he laid the facts out in front of me, dared me to see things from this angle and that angle until I thought my head would burst. Until all I wanted to do was close my eyes and bury my face in my hands.

Or better, disappear with Lily into her bed and hide beneath the covers until all of this passed me by.

But that would be a coward’s way. And I might be many things—might be slow and angry and terrified of losing Lily—but I’m no coward.

“I get why you need to marry Lily,” I say, and I try to tell myself that sharp sting behind my eyes is just from the flicker of the kitchen lights.

A lightbulb that someone needs to change, if one of us remembers.

“It’s just…” I clear my throat, then find the rest of the words have gotten lost somewhere.

“A shit-show?” Liam offers, leaning forward to rest his forearms on the table. One hand grips his coffee mug, the other taps a rhythm out beside his plate. “The most bigoted bullshit ever?”

I nod, blinking until his face comes back into focus, until I can see the steely anger of his grey eyes.

It’s steadying, somehow, that anger. Like a rope tossed across in a storm.

It makes me feel a little less ashamed of my own anger, that hot twisting thing that has been tangling inside of me since last night.

“Yeah,” Eddie drawls, leaning back in his chair, kicking his feet out in front of him under the table. “It fucking sucks having to become a billionaire.”

Antoine gives him a deadpan look.

“How long do you have?” I ask, feeling strangely like someone facing their executioner, wanting to know how many more seconds left they have to live. But this isn’t the end. This can’t be the end. “Before you need to get married, I mean.”

“Five days,” Antoine’s throat bobs as he admits this, his green eyes screaming their apology to me across the table.

Five days.

I think of the ring tucked in my jacket pocket in my room.

Of the way Grandpa’s hand felt closing around mine when he gave it to me.

Of all the times I imagined dropping to one knee, opening that box, slipping the ring on Lily’s finger.

Yes , she would say, in that breathy way of hers, eyes shining. Yes .

Those dreams crumble like dry snow, whipped away by an icy wind.

“So, we’ve got five days to help you propose then,” Eddie announces with a grin. “That shouldn’t be too hard.”

I stare at him in confusion. Propose? Why would I propose? Lily is already marrying Antoine.

Liam and Antoine turn to Eddie with equal looks of bewilderment.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Liam asks bluntly.

Eddie’s grin widens, brown eyes sparkling with excitement as he leans across the table. “I’ve been doing some research. And by research, I mean I called my brother and had him look into a bunch of stuff for me.”

I give a slow nod, remembering Eddie arguing with someone on the phone that night Tom drugged Lily. My lawyer brother , he had said, between nodding furiously to his brother’s instructions and telling me to put Tom in the trunk.

“He said it’s not legal to marry more than one person in Utah?—”

“Obviously.” Liam rolls his eyes.

“—but Utah doesn’t criminalize people for marrying more than one person.

” Eddie pauses, wrinkling his nose in thought, then adds: “I guess that’s because of the polygamous people?

But it’s not just here, a few other states don’t criminalize it, too.

Anyway, the point is you can marry more than one person and not go to jail. You just pay a fine or something.”

“But it’s not legal?” Antoine asks cautiously.

Eddie shakes his head. “Only one marriage would be legal. The second one wouldn’t be.

It would be like, cultural or something?

You can only fit two people on a marriage certificate.

” He pauses, takes a sip of his coffee, then purses his lips.

“But you could still have a wedding. Like, Antoine and Lily would sign the marriage certificate, but Matty and Lily could still have the big wedding, exchange vows, all that shit.”

“All that shit,” Liam echoes, resting his elbows on the table to press his fingertips against his temples. “I’m sorry, but am I the only one who thinks this is fucking crazy?”

Antoine frowns and rubs at his forehead. “I don’t understand why Matty would need to propose before Lily and I get married though. If what you’re saying is true, couldn’t he just do that after?” He darts me a nervous glance, then adds: “When he’s ready. So he doesn’t feel rushed.”

I shoot Antoine a grateful half-smile. I’ve known Lily is the one since the day I met her, but the thought of having to propose to her in five days… that’s terrifying.

What if she says no?

And yet…

I want the ring on her finger to be mine, not his. Even if I do wait to marry her, I want to see my grandma’s ring sparkling back at me from Lily’s hand.

If I don’t propose before Antoine marries her, that’s not going to happen. He’ll put some other ring there. Something fancier and more expensive, probably.

I scrub at the back of my neck, frantic needles of indecision prickling across my skin.

Eddie’s shoulders slump. “I’m just trying to come up with solutions here. I thought it was a good idea.”

“It’s a terrible idea,” Liam says flatly. Antoine shoots his boyfriend a silent look of reprimand, but doesn’t disagree.

“I think it’s a good idea,” I say.

Three sets of eyes fix on me and I suddenly feel too big for this table, this kitchen. Like the weight of their attention is a physical thing. I clear my throat.

“I… I appreciate what you all are saying. I don’t want to rush this. I know I want to marry Lily, but I was planning on waiting a few weeks to ask her...”

Liam makes a choked sound of surprise at that, then covers his mouth with his hand. I feel my cheeks heat, but stare down at the table and force myself to continue.

“Asking her now, that would be a bit sooner than I’d wanted, but not much. And it would be good to ask her before Antoine marries her.”

“It’s just a piece of paper,” Antoine interjects hurriedly. “When we get married, you know it won’t change anything, right? Between all of us?”

“I know,” I say, but I don’t quite agree. Maybe I’m old fashioned. Maybe it’s because I grew up hearing about the sacredness of marriage, but for me, it changes everything. “I’d like to ask her all the same.”

I dare a look up at Antoine, dreading what I might find there. Censure. Disapproval. Antoine gives me a soft, bemused smile, then shakes his head. “All right.” A look of relief softens his features. “I guess we better get to work, then.”

“Get to work?” I echo.

There’s the smallest flash of white as Antoine’s smile widens, and he shoots Liam a look that I don’t quite understand. It almost seems like a dare, a challenge—though what he’s daring him to do, I couldn’t say.

“You’ve got five days to propose to Lily and I’ve got to plan a wedding,” Antoine clarifies, his grin widening when Liam shakes his head at us in disbelief. “I’d say we’ve got a lot of work to do.”

I jolt in surprise, pressing one trembling palm to my chest. I can feel my heart thundering there, a wild panicked frenzy humming beneath my skin.

“You’re going to help me?” I rasp, not quite believing what I’m hearing. “You’re going to help me propose to Lily?”

Antoine nods, his smile softening. It’s the same smile he gave me after we kissed, open and sweet. The sort of look a man could fall into.

“Of course,” he murmurs, and I swear I can see a blush rise on his cheeks, darkening the skin beneath his eyes and across the bridge of his nose. “We’re all in this together, aren’t we? This isn’t just me and her, you and her, is it?” He dares a glance at Liam. “This… it’s all of us. Together.”

Liam drags one hand over his face, and lets out a defeated sigh.

“Fucking perfect.” Eddie straightens in his seat, that grin reappearing on his face, like the sun coming out from behind the clouds.

“This proposal is going to be epic. I’ve got so many ideas…

” he looks around the condo, his gaze going distant as he taps his chin with thought.

“Someone needs to text Seth. We’ll have to get some flowers. Probably need a fancy dinner…”

He trails off, his eyes landing on the wall of beer cans with a wistful sort of resignation. “And I guess we’ll have to take the wall down.”