Page 46 of Ashley & the A-Listers (Sweetverse)

46. IN THE MIRROR

CAMERON

Cameron eventually emerged from the nest with puffy eyes and a dry mouth.

The next morning.

His makeup artist was going to hate him.

“Will you come to set with me?” he asked Ashley, who wrapped her arms around him as he leaned on the kitchen counter. She’d hardly left his side through the night, and while her presence filled the nest, something was still missing from it.

“Of course,” she said, and pressed a kiss to the bite mark through his shirt.

The bite mark that started all of this. If they had just waited, if they’d included River…

He called the paparazzi days ago, Cam thought.

Shivers danced along his skin from Ashley’s touch, a pleasant tingle that cleared his head a lot more than the coffee did.

“I’ll go get ready,” she said, and padded away softly.

It was early, the sun still rising, but the set awaited him—long string of action scenes, which was bound to exhaust him.

Seated at the bar was Dylan, who blew on his still-steaming mug. “Well. Now we know why he’s been so distant,” Dylan murmured.

Cam released a shaky breath. Of course. He thought River had just been overwhelmed with all the projects he’d been working on.

No. He’d been feeling too guilty to face them. Or too angry.

Cam shook his head. He felt like he was moving through molasses, a mix of disbelief and disappointment and sadness.

There was no River at the coffee bar, doctoring himself a to-go mug. His shoes weren’t on the rack. He didn’t greet Cam with a good-morning kiss; there were no sleepy conversations about the day.

It was quieter without him.

Cameron missed him already. How long had River been harboring these feelings without telling him? Why wouldn’t he have just told Cameron?

How long did you keep him a secret?

Anger flared through him. At himself? At River? He couldn’t tell, but that spark—that was what he’d cling to today, to get him through shooting.

“Ready to see him again?” Dylan asked.

Cameron shook his head, staring down into his mug. “No.”

“Why not?” Dylan questioned. “Because you’re mad, or because you feel guilty?”

Cameron frowned at him. “Listen, I don’t—I still need to process. I’ve hardly come to terms with the fact that he’s?—”

“Gone?”

Cam nodded.

“I know it’s all still fresh. But maybe you should really think about why he’s gone. Why it came to this.”

With that, Dylan stood, glancing over Cam’s shoulder. “I’ll be ready to go in a bit.”

Then he left, and Cam stood there with a furrowed brow as he frowned after Dylan.

The sharp ginger of Ashley announced her entrance before her soft footfalls did.

“It’s going to be a long day,” Cameron said, and leaned back into her. She nodded, chin tapping his shoulder.

Her arms squeezed around him and Cameron didn’t know if the hug was for his benefit or her own.

She was sad, too, guilt ridden—he could feel it through their connection. Even Dylan… through the distant haze, a vague sense of something decidedly blue lingered.

“We’ll get through it,” she murmured.

Her reassurance was nice, her affection warm. But River always knew what to say, knew how to get him in the right mindset before the studio.

Cam didn’t know how to get there, to put all this aside when it felt so loud inside his own head.

Why did it come to this?

Cam wrapped his hands around his warm mug and sighed.

Cameron knew it would happen eventually.

They’d have to cross paths again. They couldn’t avoid each other forever. Not on set.

That was the thing with dating your coworkers. You had to see them, even when you were scared to.

River was slumped in his chair, squinting at his laptop, glasses askew and hair a bit messier than usual. He was definitely wearing the same pants he had been wearing yesterday.

Cameron envisioned walking across the set, fixing River’s hair, and pulling his glasses off so the man could rub his tired-looking eyes.

If we were together, I could’ve done that .

Because they would’ve been public.

You always could’ve done that. The only one stopping you was… you.

Cameron swallowed as a frown curled his lips.

River stirred, as if aware of his stare, and Cameron refused to let his gaze linger. He stalked through to the makeup trailer, Dylan and Ashley trailing behind.

He hoped Rebecca could do something about his eyes.

“Oh, honey,” she tsked at him as she sat him in her chair. She tilted his chin up with a brush and pursed her lips as she studied her project. “What are we going to do with you?”

“Something magical, I hope,” he drawled.

“That’s what I’m here for,” she said, and he found comfort in her confidence.

He might feel like he’d spent half the night crying in his alpha’s lap, but he knew Rebecca wouldn’t let him look it. While she worked her magic, he read over the scenes he’d be shooting that day and tried to lose himself in the words.

Ashley and Dylan were waiting for him outside the trailer, and Ashley blinked at him as he exited.

“You’re glowing,” she murmured, and smirked. “How’d she do that?”

“Rude,” Cameron remarked, and almost went to her arms, but remembered he was already dressed and made up. Rebecca would not be happy with him if he rubbed it off before he ever made it to set.

Ashley must have sensed it, his need, because she grabbed his hand and brought it to her lips. She kissed the back of his knuckles and then brushed her thumb over his bite mark, as if it was a promise.

A bit of tension fled at her affection. All he wanted to do was crawl into her embrace, nuzzle at her throat, coat himself in her scent, and be a pitiful, sad little omega for a bit.

But…

But.

They had a lot of scenes to shoot today, and Cameron’s makeup was going to devolve into something grittier and dirtier with every scene.

On a normal day, Cameron couldn’t wait to get in front of the camera and become a different person. Become Axel Stevens. Today, even more so.

He had to force himself not to immediately seek out River, like he was used to. Instead, he completely avoided the writer’s side, and drew in a breath.

“Good luck,” Ashley whispered, and squeezed his wrist. It was the most harmless place to scent him, and Cameron was grateful.

“Thanks,” he said, and shifted his grip to hold her hand. “I need to focus,” he told her.

Through the bond he felt her stress, her worry, but Cameron… well, for the first time, he tried to give himself space in their connection.

It was a sloppy wall, but it gave him enough room to center himself.

In this moment, he wasn’t Cameron, heartbroken over his pack mate’s betrayal, torn over the role he’d played in driving him to an unfortunate decision.

I’m Axel Stevens. I’m about to go into battle with my unofficial boyfriend who's been through several death-defying situations. And we’re going to steal some high-tech flash drive to save the world. No biggie.

All in a day for Axel.

“Cut!” the director yelled.

Cameron huffed, and refrained from dragging a hand through his hair as makeup and a PA approached. He kept messing up his lines, which made no sense! He’d rehearsed for ages; he knew these lines as if he’d written them himself!

…Or as if he’d been there every step of the way as they’d been written.

Cameron shoved that from his mind as the director made his way over.

“Cameron. What was that?” he asked quietly.

For an alpha, he was rather gentle, and in the moment his voice was kind, which was when he was the scariest.

Cameron swallowed. “Sorry, I’ve got it. I’ll get it this time.”

“You are usually so solid. What’s the deal today? Is it the lines? Do we need to take a break?”

His tone suggested they did not have room for a break.

“No, no. I’m just a little off today. I’m warming up, no big deal.”

He narrowed his eyes, and his alpha scent tickled Cameron’s nose, bitter and sharp and making him want to sneeze.

He’d never realized the alpha had such an offensive scent, and Cameron wrinkled his nose, thankful Rebecca was there to smooth it out with her brush and a knowing glance. Damn, he’d never realized how much the suppressants protected his omega senses.

“Alright. Let’s try this again,” the director said, and stepped away, back behind the line.

Cameron drank a bit of water, Rebecca made one last finishing touch, and then everyone fucked off.

This was a fight scene.

Cameron knew the choreography. Knew who to attack, when, and where. Knew the footwork, knew the lines.

But he was distracted.

A luxury he couldn’t afford only two months into shooting.

They still had so long to go.

Suddenly, the days spanned out before him. The rest of shooting, the waiting, the reshoots, the press tour he’d have to do, the premiere, and then more press.

A fourth movie. Possibly a fifth.

It felt so heavy in that moment, stretching out before him in a never-ending list of responsibilities and traveling. And usually he knew it would be okay, bearable, because River would be there.

In… secret.

You should really think about why he’s gone. Why it’s come to this.

Dylan’s words replayed in Cam’s mind, and he heard them in a new light.

Cameron’s boundaries, his demands, had built a relationship that only benefited him. What did River get out of their relationship?

Being kept secret? Being told again and again that he wasn’t… worth it?

I’m a selfish fucking jerk.

Cam’s stomach turned, and he…

Glanced at River, across the room. He was sitting at the big white table full of equipment and laptops, staring at his screen but clearly not paying it a bit of attention.

The glare of it against his face looked harsh amongst the low lighting of everything outside the immediate set.

“Ready?” the director called out, his voice booming.

It shook Cameron out of his thoughts and made him realize… fuck. He needed to talk to River. He didn’t have time. He needed to focus.

“Action,” he yelled, and there was the clap of the scene marker, and then the people around him exploded into action.

Cameron felt shoved into the scene instead of waking up in it like usual, and it showed in his footwork, the way he was slow to block one of the other actors, throwing off the entire routine.

“Cut!” the director yelled, and Cameron dropped his arms as everyone paused. “Take ten!”

Fuck!

He was distracted, missing cues and forgetting lines and fucking up the scene. He hadn’t had this bad a day on set in ages, and it made him even more frazzled.

“Okay, listen, Cameron,” the director said as he stalked over. His voice was even kinder, and it practically sent chills down Cam’s spine. “Something’s going on. We don’t have time for this today. Take ten. Snuggle your alpha or whatever else you need to do to clear your head. Come back and nail this. I know you can do it.”

God, he was being nice and that somehow made Cameron feel even worse.

“I will. Sorry. I’ll get it,” he said. No time for excuses.

“We’re in it together, okay?” he said, and almost lifted his hand to put it on Cam’s shoulder, which usually would have been welcomed, but Cam did not want his hand anywhere near Ashley’s bite and?—

He caught himself, and dropped his hand. “Go on,” he said, and waved over at Ashley and Dylan, who watched from the sidelines.

Cam felt ridiculous as he made the walk of shame from the scene and to his alpha, then past them, and to the collection of trailers. They followed behind, but Cam didn’t let himself fall into Ashley until the trailer door shut behind them, Dylan standing guard on the outside.

He groaned as she hugged him and whined. “I’m a terrible person. A terrible partner, a terrible actor.”

She was clearly shocked by his revelation, holding him gently. “Everyone has off days. It’s fine,” Ashley said softly.

“Not me!” Cameron said, and pulled away. “I’m good at this! Acting is my favorite thing! Today I just suck.”

“Hey,” Ashley said, and there was the tiniest bite to her voice that made him look at her. “Be nice. Cut yourself some slack. Your two-year relationship just got turned on its head; it’s not surprising that you’re off your game.” She cupped his cheek and tapped his temple. “Let me in. The wall isn’t helping.”

Cameron knew she was right, but letting her in meant she’d have to feel all his frustration and sadness and guilt and?—

Everything he and River had feared was coming true.

Dating on set was forbidden because of this. Because it complicated things if it didn’t end well.

Cameron just never thought they’d have to worry about that. He and River weren’t supposed to... They were supposed to be together. And maybe a naive part of him thought that forever went unsaid.

What exactly did you do to make that happen?

A highlight reel played in his head of all the times they’d been in public and he couldn’t reach for River, or stopped the beta from reaching for him. All the times River had asked to go public, to stop hiding, only for Cam to come up with some excuse.

And for what?

Fame?

What did it matter!

The difference is, Cam, I can admit when I’ve hurt you.

“Ugh,” Cameron whined, and buried his head in Ashley’s chest. Makeup could fix his hair. It was fine.

He’d hurt River over and over again, and never apologized for it. No wonder River was frustrated.

“Let me in,” she said.

Cameron broke down that stupid crumbly wall.

He sighed without realizing, and felt his shoulders slump.

“Oh, yeah,” he said. In his emotional distress he’d forgotten that the bond was there not just to reveal his own feelings but to… share.

His sadness felt less when he shared it with Ashley. She helped him shoulder it. Helped him feel less alone in his guilt at the situation.

She was quiet for a long moment as the bond flooded with everything they were feeling.

“Why do you feel guilty?” he mumbled.

Ashley cleared her throat. “There’s a lot to talk about. A lot to process, and we can do that later. For now, you have a scene to shoot. You’ve been through it so many times, you can do it in your sleep. Don’t make me look bad,” she said, teasing, distracting.

He chuckled quietly and breathed in her scent. The ginger woke him up a little, and he grabbed her hand and put it on his shoulder. Without asking, she squeezed, and her fingers tightening around the bite made him shiver.

Not exactly arousal, not through the shirt he was wearing, but something almost similar. Awareness.

“Thank you,” he said softly, and Ashley tilted his head up to peck him on the lips.

“I don’t want to irritate Rebecca,” she said when he frowned at her for such a short kiss. “Feel better?”

He nodded reluctantly, because it meant he’d have to go back out there and face everyone after fucking up.

It was nothing compared to how he’d fucked up with River.

“Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has off days. You can kick all their asses just like Axel is supposed to.”

She was right. Everyone did make mistakes. Even River, pushed by his own frustration and Cam’s ignorance.

Cam was still angry, and he couldn’t look past it. The paparazzi had no boundaries, only looking for the next headline, not caring that the people they sold photos of had lives . For River to stoop so low…

He must have been really hurting .

Ugh! Anger and forgiveness were at war, and his heart was the battlefield.

And there wasn’t going to be a winner today, because Cam had to get back out there and do his job, even with a broken heart. Even with the subject of said broken heart watching on from the sidelines.

He sucked in a slow breath heavy with his alpha’s intoxicating scent, and tried to ignore the empty space in his heart right beside where she resided.

“Alright. Let’s do this,” he said.