Page 45 of Ashley & the A-Listers (Sweetverse)

45. LEFT OUT

RIVER

They know .

Somehow, they figured it out, what he’d done. That’s why they were all waiting on him.

River entered the apartment and overheard the pack’s quiet voices from the living room.

He swallowed, a familiar nausea swirling in his stomach as he prepared to face them. There were no more meetings to hide in, no more excuses to make.

River tried to act as normal as possible as he walked through the entryway, counting his steps until he made it to the opening of the living area, finding the three pack mates curled up on the couch together. Cameron was leaning against Ashley, who reclined on Dylan.

The floor creaked as he came to a stop and Cameron bolted up, shooting him a… grin?

“You’re finished!” Cameron said, and spilled off the couch to come closer. He grabbed River’s hand and pulled him over to join them. On the table was a small gift bag, tissue paper sticking from the top of it.

Ashley stood up, too, and River swallowed before he read her expression.

She was solemn, and his heart leapt as he carefully approached.

Cam tugged him down onto the couch and River went only because he wanted to get this over with.

“I messed up,” Ashley said, and River snapped his gaze to her.

“What?”

“I’m not a very good pack alpha,” she continued, clearing her throat. “Not like I should’ve been. So first… I’m sorry.”

Confusion filled him. No one owed him an apology for any?—

Cameron stood from the couch and as he did so, the oversized lounge shirt he wore slipped off his shoulder, revealing a bite mark.

He stared, eyes moving from the mark to the alpha it clearly belonged to, and back to the omega.

River’s lips parted, closed.

They’d bonded. Completed their little trifecta. A bonded pack.

“Oh,” he breathed, as fresh anger and unfairness whirled with the ever-present guilt he lived with.

They’d bonded. Without him.

His insecurities roared and hurt welled.

“I keep doing this, not thinking,” Ashley continued, shaking her head. “I should’ve waited, because I had this little plan… Well, I wanted the three of us to bond. Together. As one. So you and Cam could feel each other. I got ahead of myself, and I… I jumped the gun. And I’m sorry.”

She wanted to bond them?

Cam’s perfume swelled in distress, and he perched on the edge of the table, right in front of River.

River and Cam used to get lost in each other like that. Maybe they still did, during a heat. But not since Ashley came along—or at least that’s what it felt like.

She’s replacing you.

“I wasn’t thinking,” Cameron said, a frown in place. “I’ve been doing that a lot recently, and you don’t deserve that. I’m sorry, too. Since we rushed things, we wanted to do this part… properly,” he added. “We got you something.”

His scent shifted, an extra-sweet note filling the air. He was so easy to read when he wasn’t on suppressants. And yet River still didn’t know if he could trust it.

“You did?” River asked, blinking, shocked. Maybe this was a parting gift. River didn’t fit in with this pack, and it was never more apparent than now. Everyone had a bite; everyone belonged—everyone but him.

“Of course we did.”

“What?” he asked.

Cameron pushed the bag closer, and gave him a nod. “Open it.”

River’s hands only shook a little as he pulled the small bag off the table, onto his knee. It was decently heavy, and he felt the shape of a container through the bag.

He hesitated with a piece of tissue paper pinched between his fingers. He was angry. He didn’t want a gift to make him feel better. Another part warred with him, claiming he didn’t even deserve a gift because of what he’d done.

The guilt was eating him alive. It lived in him, was a piece of him.

Even though Ashley seemed happy even without the gym. Even though Cameron was thriving and Dylan was more on top of his duties than ever. It didn’t make it right, just because it’d seemingly worked out.

He’d tried to limit his time with them recently, coming up with more work, more writing, more things to lose himself in since reality was unbearable. The truth threatened to spill out of him at every turn, every glance.

River traded one secret for another, made one mistake, and was losing sleep over it.

And yet here was Cameron, proving again how little River’s presence in his life mattered, and covering his ass for it.

Almost bitterly, River tugged the tissue paper free, and reached in.

Cool glass met his hand, and he pulled the container out.

It was… a perfume.

“It was Ashley’s idea,” Cameron said, as River read the label.

Swirly gold font on a slim, square glass spray bottle swam before him. River.

“Spray it,” Ashley told him.

River popped the top off, and his own scent met his nose, except… a hundred times stronger.

He spritzed it once, and his scent filled the room, as strong and loud as Ashley’s ginger, Dylan’s grass, Cam’s sweetness. He mixed right along with them, a perfect cocktail.

He wished they didn’t smell so divine together.

“It’s a pheromone spray. So you can scent mark him,” Ashley murmured, studying him.

River’s lips opened and closed again and again as he tried to find words.

Instead, the only thing running through his mind were the words he’d tried to run from these past weeks.

You don’t deserve this. Not a partner. Not a pack. Not an omega.

River had betrayed them.

But Cameron’s betrayed you, too. Time and time again.

Refusing to go public for years, until the right alpha showed up to make it all worth the trouble. Was River not worth the trouble?

Apparently not. Not worth telling the media, and not worth waiting on a bond. Waiting to complete the pack.

He couldn’t be a part of this pack.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to be.

River sat the glass bottle on the coffee table, capped it, and inhaled, his entire chest shaking with the words that tried to rattle up his esophagus like bile.

“I can’t take this,” he said.

He stood, and Cam’s scent turned sour. “I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve to mark you like an alpha,” River said, and stepped back from the couch.

Cam’s expression was fallen, crushed, and Dylan’s brow was furrowed. Ashley’s lips parted softly in shock.

“I don’t deserve to be a part of this pack,” River declared. “And you know what? I don’t even know if I want to be,” he admitted, frustration leaking into this voice.

Cam stood, a flash of confusion on his face. “How could you say that? You?—“

“I’m the reason the paparazzi found us at that restaurant,” he admitted.

You could’ve heard a pin drop. Well, maybe they could have. River’s heart was pounding too loudly for him to hear anything else.

“I was…” He shook his head. “I was hurt, after the heat. And my bruised fucking ego couldn’t take it. So I texted a contact. They were supposed to capture us, ” he said, making a motion with his hand between him and Cameron. “ We were supposed to be the ones on the front page. I was tired of watching you struggle with the decision you so clearly wanted to make, tired of promises that didn’t mean anything. But it backfired. I guess Cam getting casual with an alpha was more important than him being with a beta.” Big surprise there. “ I’m the reason everything went wrong.”

Ashley swung her legs over the side of the couch, far too calmly, and River’s throat went tight. He braced for her bark.

“So that day, when you consoled me after I left the gym—you knew the whole time?”

He winced. “Yes, and it was killing me not to tell you. I know I fucked up,” he said. “It was so, so wrong of me, and the guilt has been eating at me, and I can’t take it anymore!” He breathed, shaking his head. His hands were fists at his side. “But I’m so… frustrated! Tired of feeling like I don’t belong, like I’m not worth the trouble even after years, ” he managed, meeting Cam’s gaze. It was filled with disbelief and hurt, emotions River was not a stranger to.

Ashley turned to face him, her expression carefully blank. Dylan stared at him over the back of the couch, surprise and even a bit of hurt in his eyes. Cam was silent, jaw tight and eyes shiny, and River’s chest ached.

“You… put your omega in danger. Because you were jealous?” Ashley asked.

The words felt wrong. River would never do something like that. He loved Cameron. But he couldn’t deny it, either.

“If we’re being honest, Cam was never my omega. He’s yours, and you’ve made it abundantly clear.”

Ashley gnashed her teeth at that, guilt crossing her face.

“I’m sorry,” River said.

“But I even—but I told you I was getting new management. To help us,” Cameron said, as if it would change anything.

Indignation filled him, and he snapped, “I believed you the first time you told me that. Years ago, when we spent two weeks separated. I believed you when we made up, when you promised that you were just waiting for the right time. I believed you every time after that, when you swore that you meant it. You pushed me off, gave me just enough crumbs to come back for more without ever actually making any changes, Cam!” River’s voice broke. “I know. I know it was wrong to contact the press, but at the time, I was just so in my head about it. I just… couldn’t believe you anymore. I convinced myself it would never happen, that you didn’t—” River swallowed. “That you wouldn’t love me like you do… Ashley.”

Two inches tall, River stared up at them and wished he could change the past. That he could undo one text message. His actions weren’t righteous or good, but they weren’t something he would've done without provocation.

Maybe it was about time he recognized that.

“You couldn’t give me the benefit of the doubt? Two years, River!” Cameron whined, and the sound hit him like a blow.

“Longer,” River corrected. “Two years of us officially dating. Two years of secrets and distance and broken promises.” He shook his head. “I messed things up for you at the gym,” he motioned to Ashley. “I caused you to leave the one place you loved, and I’m sorry.” He turned to Dylan. “I added unnecessary stress on your shoulders, when all you were doing was trying to protect Cam. I’m sorry for that, too.”

Cam’s lips twisted in a pained sneer, and he shook his head. “I can’t believe you would do something like this.”

“You benefited the most from it,” River told him. “Got the pack of your dreams, got rid of your shitty manager I’ve been telling you to ditch for years.” River cocked his head. “Funny how you didn’t see it until he was making you erase Ashley’s scent.”

It was right in front of him the whole time. He’d never mattered here. Cameron had the person he wanted already.

“You set me up,” Cameron continued.

“I was afraid of losing you, so I tried to hold on harder. The difference is, Cam, I can admit when I’ve hurt you. I’m sorry that I betrayed your trust.”

River had never seen a frown so severe on his lips.

Cameron crossed his arms, biting the inside of his cheek like he was known to do, a tiny dimple appearing on his cheek.

He wouldn’t meet River’s gaze.

“You should leave,” Cameron said.

River felt the words like a kick to the chest, and as much as he wanted to plead, to drop to his knees and beg, now wasn’t the time.

He didn’t deserve to be here. Maybe he didn’t even want to be.

“Alright,” River said. There was a beat, a pause, a breath he couldn’t catch.

“Okay,” he added. “I’ll do that… now.”

No one stopped him as he stepped backwards, away from the pack, and no one called out as he turned his back and made his way to the guest room. He gathered up a haphazard backpack of items so quickly that he wasn’t even sure what he’d actually grabbed that would be of use.

It was quiet as he exited the room, and when he reached the living room again, it was empty, except for Dylan, who was waiting by the door.

Like security seeing someone out.

“That was… intense,” he said softly. “I’m sorry it came to this.”

“Sorry I jeopardized your client,” River told him.

“I can handle some paps,” Dylan said, offering a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I know what it’s like to overcompensate when you fear losing someone,” he said, and they shared a moment of understanding that left River surprised. “I’ll talk to him.”

“Don’t know if it’ll help,” River replied. “I’ll keep my distance. On set.”

“That’s probably for the best, for now. Until he cools off.”

River stared up at him. “Sure.”

There was no for now.

River had done the unforgivable, in Cam’s eyes. There was no going back from it.

River walked away and heard the door close behind him.