Page 7 of Ashes

That was the point. If I was exhausted, I didn’t have time to dwell on the shitshow that was my life.

Exhausted was good, safe.

“I’m fine, I promise,” I dismissed, walking toward the main door to avoid dwelling on the look of pity they were both sporting.

The deep bass of a reggaeton song thrummed against my skin as we stepped into the packed bar. The entryway opened up to a dance floor that covered half of the first floor, the rest set up like a cocktail den. Red velvet booths with wooden round tables were scattered on the far walls, dim-lit lamps placed on top of each table.

Fenice was three stories tall, the famous private party rooms being on the top floor, a glass wall covering the front. The mixture of red-and-black walls along with thedark wooden accents behind the bar gave the place a secretive and forbidden atmosphere.

After ordering our drinks, we found our reserved booth along the back wall.

“So,” Kenna started, pausing as she moved a few of her braids back before taking a sip of her martini.

“Ready for tomorrow?” Esra finished, her faint Turkish accent peeking through when she got nervous.

“As ready as I can be,” I said, hoping I sounded convincing enough.

They both looked at me skeptically. I took a sip of my wine to avoid talking.

“Let’s just hope he’s good in bed.”

My eyes darted to her and I swatted her behind the head. “Esra!”

“What?” She squeaked, rubbing the back of her head. “I mean, you’ve waited all these years. You deserve a little pleasure.”

“Oryou could find someone tonight,” Kenna added.

Esra turned to her, scowling.

“Don’t look at me like that. Mateo might be good-looking, but he might suck in bed.”

An uneasy pang rang through my body at the thought of also having to give that up. It wasn’t that I was particularly attached to my virginity or waiting forthe one. I’d always been too busy to meet anyone and when I did, I just didn’t want to go any further.

I never felt thatsparkor the intense desire tobewithsomeone like everyone seemed intent on. Most times, I was indifferent to the men I dated, so it never felt right.

I didn’t want my first time to be out of obligation. My marriage already was.

“Can you both stop talking about me like I’m not here? I’m not sleeping with Mateo or with anyone tonight for that matter.”

“Sorry,” they said in unison.

“You just work so much,” Kenna started, her eyes filled with pity.

“We want you to be happy,” Esra finished, wrapping her arm around my shoulder and giving it a small squeeze.

“I know, and I will be.”

Eventually.

I didn’t come here tonight to let self-pitying thoughts swarm in, so I downed the rest of my drink, plastered a smile to my face, and stood up.

“We need another round,” I stated despite them not having made a dent in their respective drinks.

Before they got to answer, I spun on my heels and headed toward the bar. As I wove through the crowd, I felt the weight of being watched, but every time I looked up, no one was in sight.

Finally, I reached the bar and flagged down the bartender. “Another round for table three, please.”

“Coming right up,” he said, giving me a wink before turning around to prepare our drinks.