Page 59 of Ashes

I shrugged. “It’s not like me to do so.”

She stayed quiet for a moment, taking another scoop of the stew into her mouth. I wondered if she would ignore my question when she finally spoke again. “I lost a patienttoday,” she said quietly. “A young girl. She was only five years old.”

I wanted to reach for her but thought better of it. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m a doctor. It’s part of the job.”

“Yeah, but?—”

“What’s your next question?” She interrupted me.

“What’s your biggest fear?”

She let out a small laugh, but I could tell my question unsettled her. “Wow, okay. That’s not the direction I thought your questions would take when I’d agreed to this.”

She averted her gaze.

“Not finding happiness,” she admitted, staring at the ceiling. “I have my dream job, live comfortably, and have a family, but I don’t think I can say that I’m happy.” Her voice fell to a whisper at the end, as if she caught herself revealing more than she’d intended to.

Her confession hurt to hear and it didn’t escape me how her voice faltered when she mentioned her family loving her.

“Tell me about your family.”

She swallowed roughly. “That’s not really a question, Jamal.” She fidgeted with her spoon, twirling around the remainder. She let out a deep breath. “I have two sisters, Iris and Akari, and we had an overall good childhood. My dad used to work in finance and my mom was a nurse before she retired when my dad got his new job. But things went a little downhill after his new…” She paused, looking for the appropriate word for her father’s entry into the mafia. “Venture. He let it get to his head a little bit. But despite my grievances with him, he’s still my father.”

“What about your mom?”

She smiled a little, but she seemed sad. “She has the best heart even if sometimes it is to my detriment.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Just that sometimes her decisions led to too much responsibility falling on my shoulders.”

“Sometimes the people we love don’t realize the pain they’re causing us,” I said quietly. “In their own way, they think their decisions are what’s best for us, but they’re often blinded by their need to do the right thing that they can’t realize it happens to be the wrong choice.”

She stayed quiet for a moment, as if she was mulling over my words. Then, she simply nodded, and cleared her throat. “Okay, you’re down to your last question.”

Wanting to see her smile again, I asked, “What’s one thing on your bucket list?”

She let out a breath. “Finally an easy one.” She shifted to face me and tucked her feet under her. “Follow the F1 calendar for a whole year.”

“Is that what you were watching in the car last week?”

“Yes.” She laughed lightly and I felt the comforting warmth her laugh brought me seep into my chest.

Putain, je suis foutu.

“Why would you want to watch cars race in circles for a whole year?”

The look of outrage on her face amused me.

She flicked me upside the head. “It’s not just cars circling around.”

I rubbed the back of my head where she’d slapped me. “What?” I asked, surprised by her playfulness. I wanted more of it.

“I will let you know they’re high-performance athletes. Besides, it gives me the same thrill as being in the ER. I’ve never been to a Grand Prix, but I would lo?—”

My phone buzzed, cutting her off. I pulled it out of my slacks and looked at the caller.