Page 35

“Yes,” he continued. “It is true that we can’t have relationships. However, that has never applied within our quintet. Even so, things are different this time, and we must be careful.”

“Why?” I asked.

“The rule exists so that we don’t reproduce,” Julian explained. “And this is the first time any of us has been born as a woman. It might not have been as concerning if it were anyone else in our quintet. But it’s you .”

“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked.

Julian looked out the window before he responded, “Because before the rule came to be, most of us, including you, often married and had families because we wanted to share in the human experience. Despite that, you’ve always been the one who held our romantic interest.”

“But…” I wasn’t quite sure how to respond. I stared at the juncture of his neck—his muscles were tight with tension.

“This time, you’re a female,” Julian continued. “That changes the dynamics of our relationship. We don’t know how the rule applies now.”

That was dumb. I should tell them. This was no time to be embarrassed. Would it make them feel better if they knew, or would it make everything worse?

“I can’t have sex,” I said.

Julian began to say something, but I needed him to understand.

“I can’t,” I repeated, clenching my fists so tightly that my fingernails cut into my palms. “I’ll do anything else you need, but I cannot have sex. I told Damen, but… I don’t think you understand. I don’t care what happened between us in previous lives. I physically cannot do it.”

“Bianca,” he said again, placing his hands on my elbows as he drew me closer. A calmness surrounded him that didn’t exist before, and his voice soothed away the rawest part of my fear. “Is that what you think—we’d only want you around for that? Do you really believe there’s an ulterior motive?”

I stared at him. All men wanted that, even if they didn’t admit it.

“I-I hope not…” I muttered, glancing away.

Julian squeezed his hands over my arms. “How would you interpret my actions based on behavior alone?”

My heart began to race. “That you want to date me.” But with that came certain expectations, so…

“I’m going to be blunt,” Julian interrupted my thoughts. “I am interested in you in that way. If the situation were different, I would have already asked you to be my girlfriend.”

My chest grew tight.

“However—and we all feel this way—we value getting to know you and making sure that you’re comfortable more than anything else.

We do not ever want you to be afraid of us.

Bianca”—Julian pressed his hands to my cheeks and urged me to look at his face.

The sincerity radiating from him took my breath away—“I want to be with you in any way you allow it. You’ve always been the person I care most about in the world.

My soul recognized it from the moment I saw you, even if my mind didn’t make the connection. ”

I couldn’t tear my gaze from his, couldn’t speak.

“Your absence affected all of us greatly, and we would do anything just to have you near in any capacity.” He rubbed his thumb under my eye. “I won’t complain if you decide to keep things formal between us in this lifetime.”

Here was this reincarnation talk again. “But—”

He pressed his finger over my lips. “What do you need from me?”

“What?” I blinked at him, reaching up and holding his finger.

“I don’t want you to worry about labels—for not only your safety, but also to negate the pressure of fitting in to a certain mold.

That’s what Damen was getting at. He wants our relationship, whatever it may be, to progress according to our feelings without worrying about the legalities.

So, considering that, what makes you comfortable? Do you want me to stop touching you?”

“No!” Truth be told, I didn’t. The thought of doing these things with anyone other than the guys made me feel gross.

But with them, it was familiar. “I don’t want you to stop.

I like it.” I told him, and my face turned hot.

“I-I just, what if it gets overwhelming, and…” I wasn’t sure how to explain. “What if it’s too much?”

Julian frowned. “You can say no.”

I ignored him. “That’s why you can all go out and…” My voice lowered as my neck warmed. “Fornicate. That’s what I told Damen last night.”

“You told him that?” Julian asked, covering his eyes.

My chest tightened—why did he sound upset? Did I make a mistake? “Do you think he will?”

Damen told me he wouldn’t, but what if he was doing it now?

“No.” Julian lowered his hand to his nose and watched me over his fingers. “This has been a long time coming, and once Damen makes up his mind, he’s relentless and loyal. He won’t go fornicate now, even with your permission. None of us would.”

The knot in my stomach loosened. That was good.

“And why would you suggest it if it made you unhappy?” Julian asked.

“Because I can’t expect you to put up with this.” I gestured toward myself. “And I don’t want to make any of you uncomfortable because you are accommodating me.”

“Why don’t you let us worry about us?” Julian responded. “You’re the one who has the control. If it makes you feel better, why not come up with a word that you can feel free to use in any situation?”

“A word?” I repeated, not certain how this would help.

“Right.” Julian nodded. “Obviously, you’re not okay with ‘no.’ Plus, you said that while you’re fine with how things are, you’re concerned that lines might be crossed. You’re scared that you might be unable to speak up about it, and you’re not entirely sure what you want either.”

I nodded.

“So, pick a word to use,” Julian explained. “You can say it at any time, and whoever you’re with will stop what they are doing and back off.”

This was the most brilliant idea. Julian was a genius.

He nodded. “Now the word should be something you wouldn’t normally use—”

“Pineapple.” I sat up eagerly and nodded. This was excellent. I was feeling more confident already.

Julian shot me an incredulous look. “Pineapple?”

“Yes, it’s perfect.” I loved that word. Pineapples always made me feel happy—they were a bright, cheerful yellow, and a delicious fruit.

“You’re a botany major,” Julian said cautiously. “That word might actually come up a lot in conversation. Don’t you think you should pick something that is not plant related—”

“I’m good.” I grinned at him. “You’re so smart. I would never have thought about this on my own.” It felt as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and I was confident now—more than ever—that things just might possibly work out.