Page 34

“Sounds handy.” Such an ability was much more versatile than only conversing with a ghost.

“In our group, our quintet, every individual has a role,” he continued. “Damen is the leader, you’re his supporter, Titus is our fighter, and Miles oversees moral annoyances. I,” he paused, shoulders tightening as he steeled himself. “I’m the assassin.”

Was he now? Titus and Damen seemed more likely to murder someone. My focus flickered toward the yellow-taped area of the parking lot. “Did you kill him?”

The man hadn’t looked entirely dead.

“No,” Julian pouted, seeming very displeased.

“Then”—I reached over and squeezed his hand. No wonder he was in medical school. He was trying to compensate—“you’re not a very good assassin, are you?”

Julian reeled back, expression indiscernible as his eyebrows shot up, “What?”

“Don’t worry,” I told him. Between him and Miles, I no longer felt completely alone. These men, too, were still young and inexperienced. “We can learn together, okay?”

Still, should I be encouraging him to kill people …

“Yes, darling,” Julian sighed, and his shoulders slumped. But then his grip grew stronger and more confident as he changed the subject. “Regardless, I read his memories, and he only worked with one other person.”

“I thought you said that you could read the memories of dead people,” I pointed out.

He pursed his lips. “It works on the living, too.”

My thoughts went blank, and a chill rushed through me. I leaned back without thinking. “W-what?”

The flash of hurt in his expression vanished as quickly as it’d come, and his surprise shifted to suspicion.

“It’s not something that happens without intent,” he said, critical gaze moving over me as I struggled to catch my breath.

“I can control when and how I do it. You don’t need to be worried.

I’d never read your memories without permission. ”

“I don’t give permission!” I told him.

“That’s fine.” Julian was still watching me in that hair-raising way. “I expected as much—you’ve never been one to share your secrets.”

“Good.” My voice sounded strange. I sat forward and wrapped one arm around my stomach, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear with the other.

“The only exception would be if you were in physical danger,” Julian continued, and I froze. “And you would be unable to consent.”

“O-of course.” I was breathless. I could never be in such a state near him.

“Bianca.” Julian brushed his thumb over my right eyebrow. “What are you afraid of? What makes you panic at the thought that I might find out?”

“N-noth—” I began, but my throat closed, so instead, I said, “ Don’t look at my memories.” I held his hand over my racing heart. “Please!”

He was quiet, and I could see the indecisiveness turning in his thoughts before his lips turned down, and he looked away. “Fine,” he said. “But Bianca, I wish you’d trust us.”

My tongue felt large in my mouth as I nodded.

“Julian.” Detective Kohler had broken away from the crowd and approached the car. “Is everything all right here?”

I looked at the ground, still struggling to regain my composure.

“We’re fine.” Julian turned, balancing his weight on his feet, and looked at his grandfather. “You got here fast.”

“I was already in the area,” Detective Kohler replied, and I could feel his gaze lingering on me. “And you,” he asked. “Did you get hurt?”

I clenched my fists over my knees as I shook my head.

“Good,” he replied. There was an awkward pause before he spoke again. “I did what you said, and you were right.”

I kept my chin lowered but glanced at him, and he added, “The bat flowers are about to bloom.”

“Really?” My attention perked, and my mood lifted. “I’m glad.”

“Good,” the detective said once more. Julian was watching him, forehead wrinkled in thought, as the other man waved his hand and stepped away.

“Where are you going now?” Julian asked him.

“Work,” the older man replied. “We’ll talk later. I have a few leads that I’m looking into as well. Just continue to keep an eye on her.”

Julian pursed his lips as he watched his grandfather walk away.

I moved to the passenger seat shortly after Detective Kohler left, and Julian drove us away from the hospital. A heaviness in the air lingered of things left unsaid between us, and I knew that despite my reassurances, Julian still had doubts.

But…

I tried to allow Julian’s crypt music's melodious tune to wash away my fears—except the sound wasn’t very soothing at all, and nothing could distract me from my anxious thoughts.

I wanted so much to impress my quintet, for them not to think I was a loser.

And Julian might be the one who could most easily shatter my illusion.

It was so hard to keep pretending, especially lately. How was I supposed to function when the very things I’d been doing so well to avoid in the past kept popping up and breaking through my defenses?

I touched my sleeve-covered fingers to my face, dabbing at the wetness that pooled in the corner of my eyes.

“Okay,” Julian said suddenly, and I tensed as he turned the car into a small, gravel parking lot. The area was surrounded by forest on three sides, and off to the right, I could glimpse the overgrown entrance leading toward a walking trail.

Julian pulled into one of the unmarked spaces and put the vehicle in ‘park.’

“Bianca,” he said, turning to me in his seat. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I—” I still faced forward, unable to look at him. My knees were pressed together, and I’d clenched my hands in my lap. “I’m not sure what—”

“Bianca,” he repeated my name and grabbed my hand. I flinched, but he ignored it. “I will not look at your memories unless I have no choice. I do not take this lightly.”

“B-but…” I began, and I glanced at him. There was a quiet, assured sincerity in his gaze. Guilt caused my stomach to clench, but it would be insulting to pretend that he was wrong. “How did you know?”

He tsked. “I’m somewhat of an expert in inquisitions,” he replied. “Besides, you weren’t afraid until I mentioned this particular ability. You didn’t even care that it’s my job to kill people.”

He potentially killed people. Besides, anyone Julian might ever kill was bound to deserve it anyway.

“I’m not afraid of you,” I whispered, looking down at his hands.

“You’re afraid—” he began, and my breath strangled.

“I’m afraid of what you’ll see,” I said, unable to hold it back any longer, and covered my face.

“Bianca?” he asked—and I could hardly hear him over the sound of my harsh breathing—but I wasn’t done.

“I can’t do it,” I told him.

What had I been thinking? I wasn’t good enough to live up to their expectations. I couldn’t even act like a regular person. These compounding events were making it clearer that I was never going to be normal, no matter how much I wished otherwise.

“I don’t—” I began. “I don’t want you to see because I don’t want you to figure it out for yourself.”

“Figure what out? What can’t you do? Bianca—” He touched my shoulder, and although I knew it was him, my thoughts scattered as my skin crawled.

I pulled away before reason could reach me—before I could bring myself back to the present. My breath escaped in a rush as I pressed against the door and crossed my arms in front of my chest .

Julian was watching me, his hand still outstretched. His features were thick with worry, and his brows furrowed in wariness.

“I’m—” Why was I shivering? My hand shook as I held out my palm. “I’m s-sorry, just—just give me a minute.”

“Of course,” Julian replied. “What do you need?”

“N-nothing. I—I guess,” I began, touching my hand to my ear as I looked at my knees. “It’s getting to me.”

He didn’t reply, and my nervousness increased. I moved my hand to my hair, pulled a piece forward, and twirled the brown curl around my finger. “Being chased. P-people g-grabbing me. I was s-scared.”

“That’s expected, Bianca,” he said, clenching his fists over his legs. “I imagine it’s a frightening experience, but we’ll always be here to protect you.”

He’d said that, but I couldn’t stop my gasping breaths.

“Darling,” he began tentatively when I didn’t respond. “Is there something else bothering you?”

“Are you really okay with it?” I asked. This had haunted me since last night, and then there were Anthony’s comments.

“With what?” Julian asked in response.

Damen didn’t understand what he’d agreed to. I knew how men were. They could not forgo fulfilling their physical needs forever.

“I—” I needed to know. If they didn’t expect anything, would they still touch me? How far would it go? “We—what do you want from me?”

There was a short silence before Julian asked, “Can ya run that by me again?”

My ears perked, but my panic was too strong, and I mentally filed his tone change for later. It was so slight that I might have imagined it anyway .

And sure enough, it was gone by the time he spoke once more. “What are you talking about?”

“I can’t do it!” I wrapped my arms around myself. “I know that we have an agreement, but—but what if it’s not enough?”

“What do—” he began, but I stopped him.

“I’m messed up!” I squeezed my eyes shut. “This might be an easy workaround for your rules, but—”

“Stop,” Julian ordered, pushing two fingers against my lips. He was leaning close to me now, his face even with mine, and when I looked into his eyes, they shimmered with a dark, deep clarity. “Now tell me: What, exactly, do you think is happening?”

“We’re best friends,” I told him, rubbing my eyes with my sweater sleeve. “But since you’re all starved for female companionship, I’m also available for your emotional needs—so you can feel like you have a relationship even though you can’t date. But what if someone expects more?”

“Bianca.” Julian sounded eternally patient. His eyes were closed as he held his fingers to his temple, and when he looked at me again, his expression was carefully guarded. “I blame myself—I should never have expected Damen to explain.”

I sniffled and wiped my nose with my sleeve.