Page 108 of Arranged Control

He sighs and lies on his back. I put my head on his chest, letting the steady beat of his heart keep me centered.

“That’s true, but you have a choice. You always have a choice. Your mother might be predisposed to being crazy, but she changed herself into what she is now.”

“I’m afraid I’ll do the same thing.”

“You won’t. You have me. And your mother definitely was already well on her way down that path by the time she was your age.”

I sigh and close my eyes. I think he’s right about that. She must’ve been training since she was relatively young, while I’ve never wanted to kill anything in my life. Except for my brother when he was being a dick back when we were kids.

“I just wish I could’ve had a relationship with her. You always say family is important, right?”

He strokes my hair gently. “Family is the people who are there for you. That woman isn’t family. I understand you wish it could’ve been different, but it wasn’t. You can’t forget that.”

“I know. You’re right.”

“We can make something better, you and me. We can build our own family, if you want to.” He seems almost hesitant as he says it. “I never thought much about being a father before we met. Kids are weights. They keep you in one place, and I was always on the move. I drifted along on the winds like life is an ocean and I was nothing more than a sailboat set adrift. But now you’re here, and I find myself… steady. For the first time.”

I kiss his chest lightly. “Do you like that?”

“I think I do.”

“You’re not sure?”

“I’m sure that I like this.” He runs a hand down my back and I shiver. “I’m sure that I want to make more with you.”

“Like kids?”

“A family of our own.”

I try to picture it. Seamus and I and a few little ones. Plus, his family, and my family, and whoever else we decide to pull into our life, like Kira.

And I like the thought.

“I’d like that,” I whisper, holding him tighter. “I’d really like that.”

“Good. Close your eyes. Try to imagine our kids. What are their names?”

I stay still for a little while not saying anything, but in my head the dreamy image of a little girl and a little boy forms in the space right before falling asleep, and I whisper names to him, or maybe I’m saying them to myself, I’m not really sure, and it doesn’t matter.

Chapter 36

Seamus

Time’s up.

My family locks down.

The whole Clan’s on edge. My father put out the word that something bad might happen and everyone needs to be on high alert. Guards swarm their house, or at least they’d better.

I stay home with Alina and we don’t get out of bed much.

The pain in her is too much to handle. I decide the only way to help is to throw myself at the problem. I dedicate myself to making her feel good, and when I’m not ravishing her, I’m making her comfortable. I fuck her, draw her a bath, cook her breakfast, fuck her again, make her snacks, fuck her, put together a pretty decent lunch, fuck her twice, and a third time out on the balcony, before making dinner for us both.

“No more,” she groans as I kiss her neck after clearing the plates. “Please, I’m going to be so sore already. No more!”

“More.” I smile as I breathe her in. “More, more, more.”

It’s a good day. I’m aware that it shouldn’t be. I’m in constant communication with my family back home, but they all seem safe. Finn even gets annoyed at one point and tells me to stop texting.I’m bored out of my mind. I almost wish she’d come and try to cut my throat. Stop bothering me.