Page 15 of Aquarius Awakening (BLP Signs of Love #20)

New Beginnings

I would say it felt odd being back in Dr. Carter’s office without Mason, but it didn’t.

As I did most of our appointments by myself, it felt like my normal routine.

The eerie feeling I felt during my last visit was no longer present.

Today, I felt good. I knew I would be doing something for myself.

It was a relief not to have the added pressure of Mason.

On my way here, I decided that no matter what Dr. Carter and I discussed today, I would be okay.

A soft knock on the door alerted me that Dr. Carter was on her way in.

“Faith, it’s so good to see you again,” Dr. Carter greeted me as she took her seat behind the large cherry wood desk.

“Always a pleasure, Dr. Carter,” I responded with a smile.

Dr. Carter logged into the computer, so I assumed she was pulling up my file.

“We left off with you considering if you wanted to fertilize your oocytes. Have you and Mason decided on that?” she questioned.

“Mason and I have decided to divorce. We are currently separated, so I’m here to see what options I have of conceiving on my own.”

Dr. Carter’s face held a look of shock, and she actually looked kind of sad.

“I’m very sorry to hear that. I know how difficult fertility can be on couples.

In terms of treatment, we can go a few different routes.

If you want to freeze some more eggs before proceeding with further in vitro fertilization treatments, that’s an option.

Doing a couple of cycles would give you more eggs and increase the number of embryos that can be created.

You would need to purchase some sperm to fertilize the eggs.

While I don’t recommend artificial insemination for patients who have already done in vitro without success, you could try.

I have seen some cases where patients have achieved pregnancy that way using a different sperm source,” she explained.

I felt myself nodding at all the information she provided. Mason previously covered all the treatment expenses, so whatever I decided would be solely on me. The question now became how much I wanted to invest financially and emotionally in myself.

“Whew, that was a lot. I love that I have options. I didn’t know what to expect when I scheduled this appointment. Ideally, I want to avoid starting the process all over again, so I would consider fertilizing the eggs I already have.”

“That’s a great option as well. You froze them because they were like insurance, and now could be the time to cash in.

To fertilize them, we just need a new sperm source, either from an anonymous donor or a directed donor.

I can have a member of my team go over the details of purchasing versus the direct donor alternative,” she explained.

I sat with Dr. Carter for a little longer.

She reviewed the full cycle details with me.

Since I wanted to fertilize my eggs, the only thing I would be present for were a few days of monitoring and the transfer of the embryo.

The thaw process and testing of the actual embryo would be done in the lab.

I loved this option. It took some of the stress away from the overall process.

Before I left the office, Dr. Carter provided me with some members of her team to follow up with.

The visit confirmed I could do this on my own, and a sense of relief filled me.

The major stress factor in this process was removed.

There would be no shots for me to inject and no Mason telling me how worthless I was because I couldn’t get pregnant.

I would be okay even if this cycle didn’t result in a pregnancy.

At this moment, I needed to know I had given it my all.

When we first started the process, it was to grow our family.

Now, that family could potentially just be my child and me, and I was beginning to be okay with that reality of a family unit.

An hour later, I was back at home feeling good. Just as I dropped my bag, there was a knock on the door. I checked the peephole and was surprised to see Imani. In shock, I quickly opened the door for her.

“What are you doing here?” I asked as I hugged her.

“Aren’t you happy to see me? I came to spend some quality time with my favorite sister,” she joked as she entered the house.

“You mean your only sister. Since you’re here, you can help me pack, and I can show you my new apartment,” I stated.

Imani looked at me then looked down at her outfit. She wore a cute white linen dress.

“Do I look like I’m dressed to pack anything?”

“Girl, you can fold some clothes or something. Just make yourself useful. I only have a few days to be out of here,” I explained.

Imani slowly followed me from the primary bedroom into the walk-in closet.

I grabbed a couple of suitcases for her to pack my clothes inside.

My sister popping up on me wasn’t out of the norm.

I figured she would be over at some point.

After I mentioned my new place, Imani liked to see things for herself.

Giving her information over the phone wasn’t enough for her.

I played some music while we packed my clothes.

It didn’t take us very long. I left out a couple of outfits for the next day or so.

“Now that I’ve worked up an appetite, can we go see your new place now?” Imani asked.

“It doesn’t take much for you to work up an appetite. We can head out now, and I can show you around, then we can grab a bite to eat,” I replied.

I had ordered a car that was only five minutes away, so we needed to head to the lobby.

We each rolled two suitcases out of the apartment.

Over the short time that I’d spent at this place, I had grown to love it.

In a way, it had been my safe haven during one of the most challenging times in my life.

A somber feeling came over me as I acknowledged that my time here was almost up.

The driver was waiting for us as we entered the lobby.

I tipped him twenty dollars to load the suitcases into the trunk for us.

Imani made it clear she wasn’t lifting anything when she got in the car and left me with the bags.

All I could do was laugh. Imani didn’t play about her clothes.

Fifteen minutes later, we pulled up to my new building.

“I see we are still in the lap of luxury. Love that for you,” Imani commented.

I smiled as I got out of the car. The driver passed our bags over to the doorman.

“Mrs. Baxter, good to see you again. I can have someone bring your bag up for you if you would like,” David, the doorman, offered. We met the other day when Debby showed me the unit.

“Yes, that would be helpful,” I accepted.

“Thank goodness,” Imani added her two cents.

I looked over at her and rolled my eyes.

She could be so dramatic at times. All she did was roll the bags.

I walked over to the elevator bank and selected my floor.

Imani gave a nod of approval of everything we passed along the way to the elevator.

Her nods and mention of luxury when we first arrived matched my initial feelings.

We stepped off the elevator onto my unit.

“Welcome to my new home,” I declared.

“Very nice. It actually looks like a condensed version of the place we just left,” Imani mentioned. I led her to the large patio so she could see the view.

“Yes, the view is here to stay. I really love this for you. I’m so excited for you to have a fresh start in such a beautiful place. How are you feeling about the move?” she asked.

“Really good, actually. I went to see Dr. Carter today to discuss my treatment options. I’ve decided that I want to try on my own. We’re going to fertilize my frozen eggs. If it works out, it works out. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t,” I stated.

Imani nodded with approval. “I think it’s great for you not to give up on your dream of having a family. Just like all your cycles, stay optimistic. Never forget God is in control. If you need me to come to any appointments, all you have to do is ask,” she reassured me.

For some reason, the offer to come with me made me teary eyed. Imani’s support was unwavering, but that wasn’t anything new. I didn’t know if it was all the changes or just hearing her say the words. She walked over to me to give me a hug.

“I’m so very proud of you for choosing yourself.

I don’t want you to feel bad that your marriage didn’t work out.

We didn’t have any examples of a successful, loving marriage in our family.

It took real courage to get up and leave.

All the other women in our family put up with things they shouldn’t have for the sake of having a man.

Be proud that you loved yourself enough to know you deserved better,” she expressed.

My sister’s words caused my tears to fall.

Imani was right. I had broken a cycle. Our parents never got married.

Our aunts and grandmothers on both sides of the family had less-than-stellar partners.

Imani and I watched the women in our family put up with anything in the name of love.

At this point, we were both outliers. Imani wasn’t married, but she had been with her partner for over a decade.

She didn’t want to marry because she was happy with her man.

When I married Mason, she told me not to stay in the marriage if it no longer brought me joy.

For me now to be in the middle of a divorce was heavy, but I would be fine. The relationship no longer served me, so I had to move on. At this point, there were no regrets about my fertility journey or my marriage. I could move on with a clear heart and conscience.

“Those were the last tears I’ll cry over this. This is my new beginning, and only happy tears are allowed from here on out,” I affirmed.

“I know that’s right. Now, let’s go eat. You’re out here working me to death and starving me,” she joked.

We laughed and left my place in search of something to eat.