Page 4

Chapter 4

Numb & Rage

Jade

One week later…

Sitting in the limo wearing a black lace dress with my curls cascading down my back, I put on my sunglasses as the chauffeur opens the door for me. Spade greets me, placing his hand out to grab as I step out into the warm sun. The wind blows around me, sending a shrill of cold air up my legs, blanketing me, as a hint of sandalwood hits my nostrils, causing my body to shutter. He’s everywhere and nowhere. I can’t fucking do this. I just can’t. This solidifies my worst nightmare, making the loss of him so fucking real. I try to turn back, but Spade grips my elbow, steering me through the cemetery and over to the row of empty seats.

My heels crunch through the gravel as we walk in silence. Over the past week, I spent most of my time in bed, laying on Dario’s side of the bed, constantly inhaling his lingering scent. Hoping and praying that he would come through the door with his bi-colored eyes and call me Kitten, but as much as I prayed for solace, it never came. Everyone has been hanging on by a thread. Even Jaxon knows something isn’t right. Before coming here, we took him to the clubhouse and left him with some of the old ladies. That’s another issue we need to figure out, but I know him being there is a safe place, for now. He’s been through enough in his short four years, and I just didn’t want him here today.

Approaching the dug up grave and Ryder standing near it, Spade places my hand into my brother’s as he walks me over to my seat. Spade whispers something to him but I don’t hear the exchange. My focus is on the hole in front of me. I chose not to do an open casket, my mind cannot handle that. So, I left all the planning to the guys, which wasn’t fair to them. I know it wasn’t, so I picked out the flowers. That’s as much as I could physically do. Anything more makes it real, and I’m not ready to face reality. I’m just not. So I sit here like a robot, as the two men I love, along with Dario’s brothers, Vincent and Carmine, carry the casket of the man I truly cannot live without. The twins kick me as I continue to stare at the dirt, wishing we were here for someone else. Someone sits next to me, placing a kiss on my cheek.

“Gra, your father sends his condolences,” he whispers, and I nod.

“You didn’t have to fly out, Kane,” I murmur as he moves my hair off my shoulder.

“I’m your number two. This is where I’m supposed to be in your time of need,” he replies, and I nod again as the four men place the casket over the hole, taking a step back, and coming to sit with me. Kane stands, shaking hands with both of my guys, then takes a seat directly behind me. The priest gets started and I zone out, not listening to a word he says. Jamie squeezes my knee, getting my attention. I look over to him as he tilts his chin towards someone with a snarl lifting at his upper lip.

Looking around, I finally see how many people came to pay their respects. I didn’t realize how many people would be here and I feel utterly uncomfortable, but I follow his line of sight and see who is in the crowd, and it takes everything in me not to lose my shit. I need to remember where I am and that this is not the time nor the place, but if they start some shit, I will not hesitate to go off and maybe even shoot these mother fuckers.

The priest finally finishes and walks away as people start throwing red roses on his casket as it descends into the hole. Then they come around under the canopy and pay their respects to us. It’s not until these mother fuckers approach my husband’s casket, spitting on it, that I see fucking red. Before anyone else can stop me, I'm up and out of my seat, stomping over to these two fucking pieces of shit. I shove the dark-haired man in the chest, rearing back and punching him in the face. The man next to him draws his gun, pointing it at my head, and I laugh.

“Go ahead. Shoot me. Mother fucker,” I taunt, pressing my head to the barrel of the gun.

“Step away from her now,” Jamie spits as a few, if not all, of my men already have their weapons pointed and cocked at these two scumbags. I see a red laser marking the middle of this asshole's forehead as the other spits again, cursing in Albanian.

“The audacity of the two of you to show up here as I lay my husband to rest, and then you spit on his grave. You’re lucky I don’t order your death right here, right now. Fucking leave before I change my fucking mind,” I spit, pressing my head harder into the barrel of the gun.

“This isn’t over,” he warns, and I laugh.

“You’re right, it isn’t. I advise you to run back to the hole you crawled out of because when I’m ready, I’m coming to collect,” I threaten, and he nods, putting his gun away as they both back up and leave. I don’t take my eyes off of them until they’re in their car pulling away from us. Looking back at my guys, Jamie looks murderous.

“It’s bad enough I had to bury my brother today,but then you pull this shit. Get your ass to the limo,” he orders, and I flip him off.

“Get fucked!” I shout, walking over to him and picking up my rose to say my goodbye.

“Give me a fucking moment alone, please,” I say, but Jamie growls.

“Jay. Just give her a fucking minute.,” Spade grits out as they all head towards the limo. I take a deep breath and stare at the black casket as tears fall down my cheeks.

“I love you, Dario Roselli. Please keep us safe. See you soon, my love.” I sob as I throw the rose down into the hole and walk away, wrapping my arms around my waist. The wind picks up and the scent of sandalwood surrounds me. “I know you’re with me, baby. Just keep leaving me your signs,” I whisper as I walk back to the limo, getting inside and crawling into Spade’s waiting arms.

“It will be okay, Babygirl. Let’s go home and eat. We need to feed our babies,” he says, lifting my chin to look at him. He uses his other hand to remove my sunglasses then places a soft kiss on my lips. “I love you,” he whispers, and I kiss him back, wanting to feel loved, but right now I’m numb. Numb to all the sweet words and touches. My mind won’t let me feel and I hate it.

“Can you do me a favor?” I ask, cupping his face.

“Anything, baby,” he says, looking into my eyes with concern written all over his face.

“Take me home and make me feel,” I say, and his eyes widen.

“Are you sure?” he asks. Oh, my sweet Spade. If I’d asked Jamie, he would’ve taken me right here, not giving a fuck to who is surrounding us. But my sweet Babyboy is the most selfless man I’ve ever met, so I nod.

“Just me and you. Can you do that for me?” I ask again, and he nods with a wicked smile crossing his luscious lips.

“Anything for you, my wife, as long as you promise me you will eat,” he says, and I smile back at him.

“Promise.”

Goodbye, Big Man. Until we meet again, my angel.