Page 121 of Alphas Like Us

“I’m alright. Just drinking this drink here…” I take a sip of the martini and as soon as the liquid hits my tongue, my cheeks pucker.Jesus Christ,Jane.

She notices. “Oh no. Toosour?”

“Yep.” My cheekshurt.

“I’ll make you another.” She swipes my martini glass out of myhand.

On the phone, Farrow tells me, “I’m glad you’re having fun, wolfscout.”

I wish you were here.I rub my lips together before replying. “All the fun in the damn world. It’s a regular rager here,” I say dryly. “I’m planning on trying shrooms next. But the non-drug kind. Like a Cremini mushroom, maybe aPortobello.”

I can practically feel his eyes rolling before he laughs. And as the sound fades, the line goes quiet; the silence is like a raw, aching thread oflonging.

“I miss you,” I admit outloud.

“I know you do,” Farrow says, like anass.

I groan, but I’m not able to shelter a fucking smile. At least he can’t see it. “I meant I don’t miss you at all. I haven’t been thinking about you for even half a second.” It’s hard to even joke. Ithurts.

“That’s too bad,” Farrow says. “Because I’ve missed you.” His words are tender like I can’t touch them. I shouldn’t. Voices muffle in the background on his side. Quickly, he tells me, “I need to go, but I should be finished here in thirty minutes. See yousoon.”

See yousoon.

“Seeyou.”

We hang up. I refuse to look at my watch as a countdown to his arrival. I already catch myself doing itonce.

And once isenough.

Luckily, a great distraction bounds through theentrance.

Sullivan arrives from the pool, wet brown hair soaking the shoulders of her jean jacket. “Fuck, sorry I’m late,” she apologizes to Jane. “I didn’t want to leave until I beat my morningtime.”

“Butterfly?” Jack asks, panning the camera toSulli.

“Backstroke today.” She claims the stool next to me, not flinching at the single camera. The FanCon tour helped ease her in. I’ve been on the docuseries since I was three-years-old, Jane since she was six, and for Sulli, this’ll be her first time.And she’stwenty.

I notice how Sulli watches Akara and Jack fist-bump into a hug in greeting, and she hangs her head and focuses on braiding her wethair.

A few days ago in the Meadows treehouse, she told me about how Akara and Jack are becoming good friends, and she’s been feelingweird.

“I’m not sure why,” she explained to me, hugging a beadedpillow.

“Maybe you’re into him,” Ispeculated.

Sulli frowned. “Him,who?”

“Akara,” Isaid.

Sulli laughed. “No fucking way…Kits is like…” She stared up at the treehouse ceiling, handcrafted paper flowers cascading off wooden beams. “…he’sKits.”

The way she said that reminded me ofme.And how I couldn’t make sense of my feelings for Farrow and what he meant to me, in my life. I just knew he meant a whole hell of alot.

“I think you’re into him, Sul,” Isaid.

“I’m fucking not.” She chucked a pillow at me, and when I threw it back, she repeated strongly,“I’m not, Mof. If I thought I was, I’d fucking tellyou.”

I didn’t expect her denial. “What about Jackthen?”