Page 144 of Almost Ravaged

She’s retreating already. Pulling back. Because I’m not enough.

She offers me a soft smile. “Showing you that I can give you space.” Her expression is gentle, patient, full of understanding.

“We don’t have to push this or keep going at the current speed. I don’t always need fast.” She smirks. “But I do want to keep going.” She licks her lips, her attention darting away for half a second. “That is, if you want it, too.”

It’s all I want.

And dammit, I have to fucking try.

Exhaling, I plant both hands on the counter and hang my head low.

This hurts, and there’s no easy way to navigate it. No instruction manual for the kind of grief and guilt I’ve let fester inside me for the last year and a half.

But despite how natural the darkness feels, as if it’s a vital organ, I feel less broken inside today than I did yesterday, or the day before.

She wants to keep going.

I want that, too.

“Thank you for not pushing me.” I sigh. “If it gets to be too much, or you don’t want to keep going—”

She’s back by my side, ducking under my arm and hugging my waist before I can finish the sentence.

“I’ve survived too much to scare easily,” she murmurs. “I’m not going anywhere unless you ask me to leave.”

She squeezes me tighter.

I drop my hands from the counter and return her embrace.

She wants to keep going.

And I want her to stay.

Chapter fifty-one

Sawyer

The back of my hand brushes Noah’s as we walk through the vista. Despite being bundled up in his sweatshirt and a flannel, a shiver rolls through me.

It’s the cold morning air, yes, but along with that, it’s the visceral way this man affects me.

Not that I’m complaining.

I’ve always been an early riser, and the fresh air, as well as the pull of my muscles as we stride through the grass, soothes me in a way I desperately need.

I should probably look into a yoga or a stretching class this weekend. Being chased, caught, and ravaged in a cornfield pushed my body to its limits.

Another shiver runs through me at the memory.

From the showdown in the barn to the chase through the maze. From the brutal fucking in the dirt to the most gentle, compassionate aftercare I’ve ever received. To my kiss with Noah in the bathroom to making love with Mercer in the dark.

Last night was perfect. Last night was everything.

I can’t wait to do it again. With both of them.

Shiloh nudges my right hand as she trots alongside me, begging for my attention, and I oblige, scratching her head in acknowledgment.

“I’m sorry we got distracted and didn’t make it out here last night,” I tell Noah.