Page 35 of All Your Days (Mayhem Manuscripts Season One: 1nf3ction #4)

A strange sort of something I’ve never felt before flickers to life in my chest. I don’t know what to call it, but what I do know is that I don’t wanna just accept it anymore.

Eli calls me a ghost, always haunting the shadows of his life.

I don’t wanna live in the shadows anymore.

I want to live in the light. I want to live in Eli’s light.

I want more than just existing. I want to live .

I want to take apart the walls I’ve kept up all these years, and I want to build a life . With him.

If I haven’t completely fucked everything up with my bullshit.

My aching bladder forces me from my thoughts and I have to actually get out this fucking trailer.

“Stay here. I’ll be back.” I whisper, brushing a kiss to Eli’s forehead.

He grunts when I roll him off me and get him resettled on the padded mat.

Thank fuck we had the foresight to put that down.

My pants are both dry and crusty and damp in other patches, but I pull them on anyway.

I have no idea what I’m going to find out there, and I’d rather not do it with my dick hanging in the wind.

A sheet of water falls on me when I swing open the trailer door, rolling off the roof to dump down on me and I curse, wiping the water from my face. It doesn’t really matter anyway. We’re definitely going to need a thorough clean when Eli’s awake.

My head is pounding and I’ve got more questions than answers clogging it up further. So I shut it up the best way I know how, getting to work.

The sun is nearly to the highest point in the sky, heating the soggy earth and making everything steamy.

I check on the camels first. I’m not sure how long it’s been since they woke up.

Binty has broken free of her ties but hasn’t gone far, happily munching on shrubs close by.

Clicking my tongue at her, I bring her back, checking for injuries as I do.

Then I go over to Adeeko lounging under the tree he’s under and check him over, too.

I’m nowhere near the expert that Lou is, but from what I can see they’re okay. They’ve got a few scrapes but other than that, they’re none too the worse for wear for their ordeal—though the sooner we get them back to The Facility, the better.

Which may be easier said than done. Lucky for us, we didn’t land ourselves in a flash flood. But the dirt track is gonna be a mud track, which is going to be extra slow going.

There’s nothing I can do about that, though, so I get the camp stove from the tent where we stored it and get the fire going.

My head’s still foggy and I feel like I’ve been run over by the damn trailer, so everything takes a bit longer than it should.

Especially dragging the camp table out the tent and getting it set up with the basin so we can get ourselves clean.

I don’t know how long it’s been since we’ve eaten and my stomach is begging for something to fill it.

Eli set up the trailer so we could get to the food if we needed it, but I’m pretty sure we were too wrapped up in each other to stop.

All the food’s in the trailer with Eli, and hungry as I am now, I don’t want to wake him, so I put up with my growling stomach and keep filling the basin.

It’s nearly full with its third billycan of boiling water when the trailer door screeches and Eli tumbles to the dirt.

“Ow, fuck!” He curses up a storm, banging himself on the step when he tries to stand up.

Hastily putting down the billy, I rush over to help him, my heart nearly bursting out my chest at the sight of him. His pants are on, but just barely. They are undone, revealing the nest of brown hair and root of his dick.

And his bruises. Fuck. He’s covered in them. From my mouth, my fingers and just how aggressive we got in the heat of the madness.

The sight of them—some dark purple, others a mottled yellow—stops me in my tracks.

“Fuck. Sorry Eli.”

He’s confused about my apology, scrubbing at his face and his stringy hair.

“What? What? Why?” He tries to ask but it’s too much. Finally, he follows the line of my eyes to his chest. “Whoa. We, uh. We really went at it, didn’t we?”

His cheeks flame in a blush that goes all the way down his neck nearly to his stomach. He only just seems to notice that I’m just as undressed as he is. His eyes dance over my bare chest, his lip finding its way between his teeth.

Does he regret it? God, what if he does? We were both at the mercy of the virus—that doesn’t mean that in the cold light of day he thinks it was a good thing. The last time we were together I was a total dickhead about it.

“Uh, yeah. You okay?” Somehow, I keep my voice even.

“Yeah—yeah.” He inhales sharply through his nose and gives me a tight, cautious smile. “Hungry, though.”

I laugh—it’s not in the least bit funny, but I laugh. I’ll claim it as the last dregs of the madness.

“Right, same. Why don’t you clean yourself up and I’ll get breakfast on?” I wave at the steaming basin of water next to me.

“No, you already got all this ready. Let me—” Eli’s hand flutters around as he speaks. He seems exhausted and weak. Flustered, too, like he’s not quite sure what to do with himself.

It makes me want to wrap him up and force him to drink tea and eat until he’s feeling better. Well, maybe after he’s had a wash. And I’m more than willing to do that for him, too. I just don’t think that’s going to help him get healed and hydrated.

“It’s not a worry. Just get yourself clean. I’ll wash up when the food’s heatin’.”

And so that’s what we do. For my own sanity I keep my eyes on the food while he washes. Apparently, canned stew needs an excessive amount of stirring. Keeps it from burning on the bottom of the pot. Or at least, that’s my excuse.

He keeps his eyes just as focused anywhere else but me when I strip off to clean myself.

With the rag and scrap of soap, it feels like a useless task.

The grime of the past few days is a part of me now.

I even wash my hair. It’s not a choice—it’s a need.

It’s knotted into a hard mass, glued together with I don’t even want to know what.

“How is it?” When I’m done getting clean, I approach Eli cautiously—kind of like I would an injured wild animal—letting my boots make a lot of sound on my approach to the campfire.

I sit my arse down on the rock next to him, picking up my bowl. We’re close enough that our elbows bump when I settle in. I’ve never considered how intimate it is to eat with someone. Maybe because we’re always doing it in groups, either in the cafeteria or around the campfire.

It feels nice, kinda homey. Like we’re connected.

Fuck, the Rains really did do a number on me. They’ve turned my brain into sugary goop. Next thing I know I’ll be carving hearts with our names inside on all the trees we pass.

“‘Eh. It’s stew. It’s almost as bad as Kimberley’s roasts back home.” He says around a mouthful of food. For someone who doesn’t like it, he’s shoveling it into his mouth with impressive speed.

“Yeah, nah, I don’t know about that. Kimberley’s roasts are foul.

Always burnt on the outside and raw in the middle.

” Between Kimberley and Gracie I sometimes think they’re purposefully getting the grunts who can’t cook in the kitchens, just so we don’t complain in the lean times when things get really shit.

“Yeah, I’m just sick of eatin’ slop from a jar.” To prove his point he scoops up a heap of meat and vegetables in the murky, reddish brown gravy and then tips it back into his bowl. The gravy splatters when the chunks make contact.

“Yeah, it can suck at the end of the trip. But just think about how good everythin’s gonna taste when you get home. Even Kimberley’s roast will taste like the best thing you’ve ever put in your mouth.”

I elbow him playfully, winking as I shove a spoonful into my mouth. He snickers along with me.

“I’ve never heard you say that before.” He says quietly when we’re done being childish, jabbing his spoon at his bowl.

“What? Kimberley’s roast?”

Eli huffs and rolls his eyes.

“No you fuckin’ muppet. Home . I’ve never heard you call The Facility home.”

Sighing heavily, I put my bowl to the side and stretch out my legs.

“Huh. I guess I haven’t.” I say, trying to be casual and missing the mark entirely.

Part of me wants to spill my guts out with all the thoughts I had this morning. But they don’t feel ready yet, and I’ll probably fuck it right up again if I try to say them too soon. Eli side eyes me, ready to call me on my bullshit again. Knowing my only defence is offence, I switch topics.

“You sure you’re ‘kay? After last night?”

Sure enough, Eli blushes a fiery pink colour, twisting his face away from me so I can’t see it. There is a ring of bruises around his neck that has to be at least a little bit uncomfortable. They leave me conflicted—I hate that I obviously hurt him, but fuck, I like him having my mark on him.

“Yeah. Said I was fine, didn’t I?” He grouses, rubbing his booted foot in the dirt, still not looking at me, clearly embarrassed. I get it—I wouldn’t say I’m embarrassed, but it’s not exactly a comfortable conversation.

“Yeah, you did, but I just wanted to make sure. I don’t…. I don’t really remember what we did. I want to make sure I didn’t hurt you, or that you don’t have any, I dunno, regrets or nothin’.”

Not looking at him, I pluck at a stray grassy stem by our feet, twisting it in my fingers until they are sticky with its crushed juices.

Beside me Eli huffs and tsks. “I said I was fine, Jacob, and I am. I mean, sittin’ on this rock isn’t my favourite thing right now, and I’m not lookin’ forward to gettin’ on the road today with all the places I’m achin’. But I’ve got no regrets.”

It’s not exactly a declaration of love or undying affection, or anything above resigned acceptance. But with the way I treated him after our night at the outpost, what the fuck can I expect?

“We’re not headin’ out today.”

“What? Why?” Despite his complaints only a second ago, Eli looks ready to fight me about it.

“Too many reasons. Neither of us are in a state to travel safely. We need to recover a bit, and so do the camels. It’s too soon to move ‘em after they were tranqed. And the track isn’t safe.

It needs longer to dry out or we’ll risk getting bogged, and with just the two of us, we’ll be really fucked.

I don’t wanna stay here either, but I don’t wanna risk it. ”

Don’t wanna risk you . I have to bite my tongue to keep the last bit from jumping out like a frog.

With a heavy sigh, he looks at the empty space where Cale, Malcolm, Ryan and Lou’s tents stood. Only one of them could be saved, the others were broken up in the fight.

It feels like bad luck to stay here, like we’re giving whatever evil caused all our troubles another chance to strike.

Another chance for it to come back and torment us.

I’ve travelled with plenty of superstitious folk over the years—guards and merchies both—and I always looked down on their talk of bad spirits or vibes when we passed through certain camps. It seems I owe them an apology.

Eli looks around the camp, too, no doubt seeing the same ghosts I am. He chews on his chapped lips, the beard burn rough around his mouth.

“Yeah. Yeah, I get it.” He says, with more conviction than he probably feels. “And hey, if we’re here and Lou knows where we are… maybe he’ll come back?” A timid blush rises on his cheeks, hope filling his eyes.

I really fucking doubt it, but I’ll kiss a fucking brown snake before I tell him that.

“Yeah, who knows.” I shrug and Eli snorts, shaking his head and bumping his shoulder into my arm.

He stays like that, leaning into me, and eventually his head drops to my shoulder.

Time ticks by in silence as we both muddle through the mess in our heads, rearranging it all so we can keep moving forward.

“So, how are we gonna spend the day?” Eli’s smile is stronger now, I can hear it in his voice.

Flashes of last night fill the dark of my closed eyes. My memories are hazy, confused by the madness and fury of the Rains. Even unclear as they are, heavy, pulsating warmth brews in my stomach, spilling into my veins and my dick begins to swell.

“Oh, I reckon we can come up with an idea or two.”