Page 5 of After Anna

“Why not? Because of the plea? Who cares? Like I told you, whether you’re guilty or innocent doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is whether Linda convinced the jury you did it, and I assure you, she did that.”

“Still.” Noah had heard Thomas’s lecture before. “Thomas, on a firing squad, they always put blanks in one of the guns. And you know the reason? So that everybody on the firing squad can sleep at night, saying to themselves, ‘There’s a chance I didn’t do it.’”

“So what’s your point?”

“If I plead guilty, Maggie will never be able to sleep again. It will ruin her life. I can’t do it to her.”

“But you’ve got to think of yourself now. She’s not thinking of you.Youhave to be thinking of you.”

“I couldn’t sleep at night knowing what I’d done to her.”

“They’re going toconvictyou, man!”

“But at least she can say to herself, somewhere, that I didn’t do it. She’ll never have heard from me that I did it. The same goes for Caleb. I can’t do it to him, either. He already gets bullied.”

“But what if it means you get out sooner? Caleb’s only how old now?”

“What makes you think he’ll want to see me, after I plead guilty to murder?”

“He might not want to see you anyway!” Thomas threw up his heavy arms.

“Pleading guilty ensures it. If I plead guilty, well, I explained it. I just won’t do it.”

“It’s yourlife.”

“Mine isn’t the only life to consider. I have to think of Maggie and Caleb.”

“You’re being noble.”

“I’m being a husband and a father.”

“Exactly why I’m single.” Thomas snorted. “Noah, you’re going against my express legal advice. What would you think of a patient who did that?”

“My patients are eight years old. If a mom or dad didn’t take my advice, I’d figure they’d had their reasons.” Noah encouraged his parents to get second opinions. He understood it, himself. Caleb had been late to babble as a baby and as he reached a year and a half, he’d shown difficulty repeating words like mommy and daddy. Noah had suspected he had childhood apraxia of speech, which was hard to identify in pre-school children. The pediatrician had disagreed, but Noah had been right.

“If this came up on appeal, I’d be considered negligent.”

“You’re not. I’m not appealing anything. Thank you for trying. I appreciate it.”

“Damn, you’re tough!” Thomas folded his arms.

“You need to come toa place of acceptance,” Noah said, without elaborating.

Chapter Four

Maggie, Before

“Noah, great news!” Maggie raced across the dappled lawn to Noah, planting rosebushes along the back fence. She hustled past Caleb, who was taking videos of their tabbycat, Wreck-It Ralph, near the swingset on the other side of the backyard.

“What?” Noah turned, pushing back his hair, a thick sandy-blond thatch glinting silver at the temples. He was forty-three, and she loved the signs of age on him, like the crow’s-feet crinkling the corners of his eyes, which were a seriously intelligent blue, set wide apart. He had a straight nose and a grin that came more easily once he knew you better.

“Guess what?” Maggie reached him, bursting with the news. “Anna called! I’m going up to see her on Friday!”

“Annacalled?” Noah’s face lit up. He stuck the shovel in the ground. “My God, that’s wonderful, honey!”

“She wants to see me! Like, I got a shot!”

“That’s awesome! Come here!” Noah scooped Maggie up and swung her around.