Page 11 of After All This Time (A Time For Love #2)

Liam

I kissed him.

After all this time, after all the effort to control my feelings and my need for him, I just... slipped.

I could blame it on the one drink I had but it would be a lie and I draw the line at lying to myself. I’ve been keeping enough secrets from others as it is.

It’s just that something in me snapped. It wasn’t even the fact that seeing Cooper talking to that girl and smiling at her made my insides churn with acid.

It was that I could suddenly see what the future would look like—him, living his life with other people by his side, touching him, holding him, loving him, people that wouldn’t be me, that would never be me.

And the pain of that realization had just been too much.

I reach our tent and I can hear his soft footsteps as they crunch on the fallen leaves and wooden sticks that cover the forest floor.

God, I can still feel him.

Beneath the horror of my actions, and my guilt for putting him in this position, deep down my heart is singing.

My fingertips are tingling where they touched him. I can still feel the ghost of his lip as I tugged it between my own, soft and full. I still have his citrus scent on me.

And I can still hear the sound of his gasp in my ears.

The sight of the tent brings my thoughts to a screeching halt.

There is no way I can sleep with him in such close proximity tonight. Everything I’ve been holding down is suddenly on the surface—raw and exposed.

And I know that now that I’ve had a small taste of him, I’m doomed to seek out more of it, and more of him.

No.

“I’ll sleep in the car tonight,” I say in a low voice but I know he hears me.

Silence meets my words.

“What?” His question reaches me equally quietly. There is a slight tremble lining that one single word, but I don’t dare turn around and look him in the eye.

“I’ll sleep in the car tonight. We’re leaving tomorrow anyway.” I swallow the lump in my throat.

“You don’t want to share the tent with me anymore?”

The hurt in his voice makes it impossible not to glance his way.

He’s mere feet from me, looking at me like I’ve crushed him. He looks… sad, and confused, and breathtakingly beautiful.

My hands clench into fists to stop me from reaching for him and pulling him into my arms, like I’ve always done when he has that expression on his face.

But I don’t.

“I think it’s better this way. I’ll sleep it off and tomorrow everything will be okay.”

I want to snort. Yeah, sure.

He hesitates, before taking a step towards me.

“Li,” he breathes my name softly, sending a fresh bolt of yearning through my veins. “Don’t you think that maybe we should tal...” he trails off when he sees me shaking my head, my eyes probably oozing the desperation I’m feeling.

“Okay, okay,” he says, lifting his hands in a show of surrender. Dropping them by his side, he mutters, “I’ll get you a blanket and a pillow.”

And a few moments later, he’s handing them to me, an undecipherable look in his eyes. The blue in them is dark now, only illuminated by the moonlight. But they are swirling with questions, questions I don’t want to answer because I don’t want to lose him.

Releasing my stuff, Cooper gives me a hint of a smile that makes my heart ache.

“Goodnight, Li. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I nod slowly. “Goodnight, Coop.”

I wait until he’s zipped up the tent before I head to the car, wishing I could erase everything that has happened in the last hour. Everything but the feel of him.

***

Cooper

I have no trouble waking up the next morning.

Probably because I haven’t slept a wink. Every time I tried to close my eyes, I kept re-living every minute of last night.

My head is a mess, my stomach is twisted up and my heart keeps skipping a beat whenever I replay what happened with Liam.

He... kissed me.

There’s no other way around it.

Yes, it was barely a kiss, but it was a kiss.

But... why?

Was it the alcohol?

No, I don’t think so. He knew what he was doing and I can hardly be mistaken for a girl.

Does Liam like guys?

Does he like…

Me?

Frustration bubbles up in a groan that basically rips out of my chest, forgetting I’m in the car with Liam right next to me.

He insisted on driving us back, even though I told him it was my turn. But he wouldn’t hear anything of it.

So now at the sound of my groan, he throws me a side-glance with a raised eyebrow.

Which makes me turn it into a fit of coughing, like I’ve choked on something.

Which in turn makes him reach behind his seat and hand me a bottle of water, while never taking his eyes off the road.

God, this guy.

I’m burning with the need to ask him about yesterday, to know what he’s thinking about. I want to grab his shoulders and shake him until he spills all the things he hasn’t told me. Until he’s empty of his secrets and I am full of them.

It didn’t take us a lot of time to gather our stuff and make sure nothing was left behind.

Apparently, it was easier to take a tent apart than to put it together.

We worked in sync, like we always do. But the silence this time wasn’t comfortable. I could feel the tension brewing in it but anything I might have wanted to say got stuck in my throat.

And before I knew it, he was starting the car and the trip was over.

Despite my lack of sleep—or maybe because of it—I feel jittery. My knee keeps bouncing up and down and one look in the mirror would show how viciously I’ve chewed the hell out of my lip.

I feel as if something important is slipping away and I want to address it but I don’t want to push him if he doesn’t want to or if he’s not ready to talk.

So, I just keep quiet, until the first familiar signs of home become visible through the windshield. Until we’re rolling by my house. Until he’s opening his mouth and making me wish we’d never left our campsite.

“Hey, Coop?”

I turn at the sound of his voice, just as I’m about to open my door, my hand on the handle.

He clears his throat and I can see him breathing in as if steeling himself for something.

“I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about last night. I never should have done what I did and I hope that you can forgive me.”

His voice betrays his obvious distress and I open my mouth to tell him that there is nothing to forgive, that he can talk to me about anything and I will listen and be there for him. That I don’t regret what he did.

Because I can’t stop thinking about it.

But I never get the chance before he continues.

“I think I’m going to head out a bit sooner.”

I blink at him, not sure I’m understanding what he’s saying. Until it dawns on me.

“You’re leaving?”

Liam’s huge eyes turn towards me, imploring me to understand but I don’t.

“You’re leaving home?” I can hear my voice rising in panic. “But we still have a few more weeks, Li. Why?”

“I- I...” he stutters, at a loss for words. If he was just expecting me to nod along, he’s sorely mistaken.

“The truth, Liam. No bullshit.”

A beat passes.

“Because I’m weak.”

I snort. “No, you’re not, you’re the strongest person I know.”

“I’m weak when it comes to you.”

My breath whooshes out of me, leaving me speechless, just staring at him.

“I just need a break, Coop.”

He needs a break. From what?

My chest feels so tight and it’s like everything is closing in around me, the car boxing me in making it harder to breathe.

“From me?”

“From feeling like this. So that I can be the best friend you need.” He gives me a faint smile that’s supposed to be reassuring, but all it does is hurt me even more.

“So, your solution is to leave me behind like this?” I know we were always supposed to go our separate ways for a while, but not like this and he knows what I mean.

But the last thing I want is to push him into saying something he’s not ready to admit.

I exhale deeply as I let my body fall heavy in my seat, my head bumping the headrest.

Whatever is happening inside him is tearing him up, but even though he might not want to talk about it now, I have to believe he might want to eventually.

I don’t even realize when I close my eyes.

“Okay, Li. You do what you have to.” I rub my tired eyes and reach for the door handle once more. “Let me get my stuff from the back.”

I exit before he has time to say anything else.

Before I head into my house, I stop outside his side of the car and knock on his window.

He lowers it and looks at me with an expression I never thought I’d see in my best friend’s mossy-green eyes.

“Just so you know, you already are the best friend I need.” And because I can’t just let him leave thinking we’re not okay, I give him a half-grin and a wink. “I’ll talk to you later, Li.”

He looks stunned for a moment, clearly not expecting it. But then his surprise melts into his Liam smile that I’ll miss more than anything.

“Yeah. Later, Coop.”

And I watch as he drives away. As he runs away from me.

And I let him.

Because I know, that there is no running away from this.