Page 27 of Advocate Omega (Unforeseen Paths #1)

Lucan

Desperation is never a good look, doesn’t matter who you are.

I won’t let him go far, but I will allow him some space to process. That’s the decent thing to do.

What I said was mostly true. I didn’t know they’d actually gone through with their plans. That meeting down by the creek, I only stayed long enough to hear the plan. I left before gathering any information. Why did I do that? Well, that’s the truth I struggle with admitting out loud.

The truth is that I just didn’t fucking care.

Too stuck in my own pain, too bitter and spiteful to have any desire to partake in clan comings and goings.

In my mind, on that day, whoever the Sorrel omega was would choose to be there. Choice is everything in this world, and it is the sole reason any of us find happiness within it. And I had hoped my clan would give that choice. But then I heard their howls and I knew choice was never a factor.

Zander confirmed my suspicions that first night.

So while I was aware of my clan's intentions, I didn’t look beyond that.

I didn’t care to. And for that I’m guilty.

I’m deserving of his rage. Gods, I don’t think I could blame him if he never wants anything to do with me again.

Because what alpha would allow such a thing?

What alpha would look the other way? I could argue that I didn’t feel like an alpha when it all went down.

Miserable and belly up is more accurate.

I didn’t care about myself, let alone anyone else.

And that is my flaw.

That is my mistake.

I don’t know how I’ll make it right, either.

“Ahem,” a female voice says, and I jerk, startled and caught off guard. I didn’t even scent her! Spinning to the source, I spot an older female perched on one of the seats to my left, a cane tucked at her side. “Are you going to go after him?”

How much did she hear? Was she here this whole time?

“He doesn’t want me to,” I admit, straightening. Something ancient and powerful calls to me, a recognition I would have registered had I been paying attention.

This is the Kato shaman, Gabe’s grandmother.

A wisewoman in every sense of the word, a clan’s shaman oversees the rarer occurrences. Mating rituals, rough births, and interpretations of the fates’ will. Dipping my head to show my respect, I lift my gaze and wait for her acknowledgment.

She scoffs at me. Her gray hair hangs loose around her shoulders, and a brightly colored kaftan makes up her outfit. Bright greens and yellows slash through the fabric. “Fear has no place in this match.”

“Excuse me?” I don’t mean to be offensive, but she doesn’t make any sense.

“The weave can change at any time, Lucan Moonsong. Those delicate threads can snap.” For emphasis, she snaps her fingers. Clutching her cane, she brings it between her knees and holds the rough, ivory knob. “Right now, I’d say those threads are close to it. Each strand frays even now.”

“What are you saying? Speak plainly, shaman.”

“Your mate is considering walking away from you forever,” she growls. “Follow him. Now. ”

“My…” I jerk my head in the direction Zander went and howl.

“Time is running out,” she urges, and I take off into a sprint.

Finding him is easy. He smells like me. But when I step onto Gabe’s front porch and hear the words coming from Zander’s lips, I stop. Anger laces his voice along with something like betrayal. I slump down onto the top step and listen.

“He knew, Gabe. He fucking knew what they would do to me!”

“Are you sure?” Gabe asks gently.

“Yes, I’m sure! He admitted it to my face! And now I don’t know what to do. How can I even look at him after this? After he’s proven to be like every alpha fuck in this world!”

“Griffin isn’t like that.”

“Just let me vent, Gabe. Please. I’m—I—” His broken sob spears me through the heart.

“He’s outside,” Gabe whispers in a way he thinks I won’t hear. Maybe a lesser wolf wouldn’t.

“I know,” Zander whines. “I can smell him. But I don’t care. I don’t want to see him. And if he KNOWS WHAT’S GOOD FOR HIM HE WILL BACK THE FUCK OFF! ”

I get up and walk down the path. Pushing the little fence gate open, I step through it. I cross the street and sit on the curb. Lacing my fingers together and resting my arms on my bent knees, I refocus on their conversation.

“So you won’t even hear what he has to say?”

“No, ” Zander growls.

“Is this what you really want? To cut ties and pretend everything you feel for him isn’t worth having a conversation for? Zan…you said you liked him.”

“I don’t just like him, Gabe,” he whimpers. “That’s what makes this so fucked up. It’s…more. I feel it here. It hurts.”

“Because of what you found out?”

“Because he isn’t with me! Touching me and making me better. Because I’m angry and I don’t know how to stop it. I’m just another fucking omega to him! Just another place to stick his cock!”

“I don’t think so…”

“How can I be with someone who would let this happen? How can I trust someone who was perfectly fine with a sacrificial lamb when he didn’t know who it was? I don’t understand. I don’t understand how anyone could allow that!”

I grind my jaw, eyes fixed on the house.

If I listen to him and stay away, he will continue down this spiral and hate me. But if I go over there and push myself on him, he might hate me anyway. I don’t know what the fuck to do.

“And I can’t help but wonder if it was someone other than me, if he would’ve done all the same things. Would he have been as kind and sweet? Would he have made them feel the way I do? Like I was something different. Something worth more than my ability to have babies.”

I wouldn’t have that, I can say with confidence.

Despite being stuck in a miserable cycle of self-loathing, I recognized an immediate attraction to him.

Not physically, although I have fucking eyes and could see his beauty, but it was his attitude.

His resilience and defiance. The way he wasn’t afraid to say what was on his mind.

Zander goes against the current; he fights back and is his own champion.

If it were anyone else, I would have seen them to safety, and that would’ve been the end of it, because I have had plenty of opportunities since Ian.

Ulric and Ryker have come to me with several willing omegas throughout the years.

I’ve refused every one of them. Deep down, I always knew I wanted more.

Just like Zander doesn’t want to be solely wanted for his womb, I don’t want to be solely wanted for my knot.

We are two sides of the same coin, connecting in ways I could’ve never foreseen.

He’s mine.

And I’m done letting him convince himself otherwise.

I push off the curb and storm back over to the house.

Not even bothering to hide the slam of the fence gate, I don’t stop until I’m ripping the front door open and standing before him.

Griffin is on the couch, holding Gabe’s hand.

Zander has thick tears streaming down his cheeks, and he hiccups when he lays eyes on me.

Without saying a word, I jerk my chin towards the door, ordering the pair out.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Zander insists, turning to Gabe and Griffin. “Don’t leave me in here with him.”

I recognize his need for moral support. He has no idea what I’m going to say. Hell, I don’t know what I’m going to say. “If you need them here, so be it.”

Zander rubs his chest, glaring at me. I can’t fight the urge to rub my own, so I do it, letting him see just how much our conflict is affecting me, too.

If I want to fix things, I need to set aside my pride and my instinct to hide my weaknesses.

In this moment, this little omega is my weakness, but he’s also my strength.

And he deserves to know that I choose him for him, and not anything else.

“Zander,” I start, and he whimpers. He ordered me never to call him that name, but it’s necessary. “I didn’t care.”

Griffin growls, Gabe gasps, and Zander’s eyes well up with fresh tears.

“I didn’t care about anything . My pain was the only part of me I could acknowledge.

Whatever my clan’s plan was, I didn’t fucking care to know it.

I thought they were fools—that it was a pointless endeavor, and I walked away before hearing any more of their schemes.

Did I think they’d force someone into that role?

No. Did I know it was a possibility? Yes.

My clan wouldn’t be the first to stray away from what is right.

And they certainly won’t be the last. That is my fault. And I should have cared.

“But you were ready to fight me. You told me the truth. And I cared more in that moment than I’ve cared about anything in over half a decade. I cared about what happened to you. I still do.”

He sucks his bottom lip between his teeth before straightening and rising to face me. “I could’ve been anyone. What makes me so different? What if it was another omega?”

Be honest , I tell myself. “I would have gotten them safely across the creek and washed my hands of it.”

“How does that make anything better?” he demands, throwing his hands up in the air. “You would’ve washed your hands of it ?”

“Yes,” I say, my voice cracking. “But it wasn’t someone else.

It was you . I didn’t care about what happened outside my chamber of isolation.

I didn’t have a reason to. And truthfully?

I didn’t want to. What sometimes happens to omegas is horrible, Zander.

It’s disgusting, and every wolf who participates in that kind of torture should die,” I growl.

“And if you want me to kill them all, I will because I don’t care about them.

I care about you . Your hopes and dreams. Your feelings and safety. ”

“Why?” he asks, still glaring, still refusing to back down.

I dare to step closer, bracing for his rejection, but it never comes.

He allows it, and I feel that glow of hope swell in my chest. “Because when I allowed one heartbreak to destroy me, you suffered countless others and still rose above it. You are stronger than I could ever hope to be, and I will do anything to make sure you never lose that strength, that resilience.”

He gulps.

“You want to know why you, Zander?” My hand lifts, and he allows me to touch his cheek.

“No one else would have been able to mend my broken heart. No one but you.” I drop down to my knees, taking his delicate fingers and squeezing them.

“I am at your command. Whatever you wish, I will make it happen. Even if that’s never wanting me again. ”

He absently feels the callouses on my palms and fingers, his bright sky-blue eyes locked on mine. “I want you to do what’s right.”

It takes me a few seconds to understand, but when I do, he sees it. He knows. “I will, sweet.”

“And,” he says with a shaky inhale. “I think I know what I want to do. I think I know what my purpose is.”

“Tell me,” I urge, kissing his knuckles.

He glances at his friend and then back at me. “I’m going to be an advocate for omegas. I’m going to save them all. ”