Page 92 of A Wreck, You Make Me

Wait a second. I just… I just need a moment here. I need to get it straight in my head: I don’t have any recollection of me crying. At all. I mean, I did cry but not at the club and definitely not in front of him. But I know he’s telling the truth because only he would notice something that no one else would. That evenIdidn’t. And of course, he’d be the only one to beat himself up about it.

Isn’t he the man who made my life better even though he was angry at me? So why wouldn’t he be beating himself up for exacting his revenge on me even though I hold no ill-will?

Jupiter

I’m not mad at you.

My Toxic Stepbrother

Well, you’re not paying attention then.

Jupiter

I don’t want you to beat yourself up for this.

My Toxic Stepbrother

Again, you need to start paying attention.

Jupiter

I lied to you for years, Shepard. I knew what I was doing. I knew what would happen if you found out.

My Toxic Stepbrother

And I proved you right.

Jupiter

You just… lashed out because you were angry. Rightfully so.

Can’t we just call it even?

My Toxic Stepbrother

No.

Because you lied for a good reason. And you were afraid for a really fucking good reason too.

I lashed out because I got butthurt. Because the first time I saw you wasn’t really the first time I saw you. Because you saw me first and that somehow didn’t sit right with me. It didn’t sit right that I wasn’t the one to find you first.

How was it that you watched me and followed me around and I never even knew you existed?

My phone almost slips from my fingers then. Because… This is more than insane. Because who thinks like this? Who gets mad because they weren’t thefirst? And not just about anything but aboutfindingsomeone first. I swallow down my emotions or try to, but they keep swelling up and getting stuck in my throat. And then before I can think about it, I type out my response with flying fingers and hit send.

Jupiter

I know you’re going to hate this, but you just went to the top of my Christmas card list. And my birthday invitation list too.

I will also write you letters that I will then send via pigeon carriers.

My Toxic Stepbrother

Are you done?

Jupiter

Not really but I’ll let you live.