Page 144 of A Wreck, You Make Me

She sits up straight and I notice her hand tremble a little bit. But she schools her features and throws me a smile back. “Hey.”

My heart clenches at her nervousness and I rush to put her at ease. “I’m sorry if this was abrupt.”

Surprise is clear on her face but then she shakes her head. “No, it’s okay. I just…” She chuckles nervously. “Well, yeah. It was abrupt.”

I immediately feel bad. “I’m so sorry. I’m really not good at these things. Callie’s an expert.”

Her face blooms into a sweet smile. “She is. I really like her.”

“Yeah.”

“I like all the girls, actually.” Then, she confesses, “I’ve never really had a lot of friends.”

My heart squeezes again. “Me neither. I’ve always been a loner. Well, until I met Callie. Then I was swimming in friends.”

She chuckles again. “I guess, she has a way about her, huh. I guess, they all have a way about them. The famous Thornes.”

Warmth fills my chest. “They do, yes.” Then, looking her in the eye, “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry I haven’t said hi before. It’s just that I’m not really good at these things, like I said, and…” I trail off thinking maybe I should have prepared more for this. It’s not like I can tell her the truth. That I was wary of her and also jealous. That she got to be with the guy I wanted to be with.

“It’s okay,” she says, both her tone and her pretty features genuine. “I didn’t expect you to. I actually didn’t expect any ofthem to make me feel welcome. After everything, you know. I actually didn’t want to come tonight either. But then, Stellan wouldn’t go without me and it…became a whole thing so here I am.”

My eyes sting then. At how difficult this must be for her. For everyone. “I’m glad you came.”

She swallows. “Thanks.”

Then I remember one of the things I wanted to say to her. “Congratulations, by the way.”

But instead of accepting it, her face shows her distress. “I’m genuinely so sorry about that. How the news broke. I didn’t think they’d s-snap my picture and?—”

I reach out and grab her hand in her lap. She has her fingers fisted so tightly and I give it a squeeze as I say, “Hey, you don’t have to apologize for getting engaged. It’s not a bad thing. And I’m so genuinely sorry that it feels like it.”

It does, doesn’t it?

What should be the celebration of two people’s love has somehow morphed into something twisted and hurtful. And I feel it too. Not because I don’t want them to be happy or anything but because I know he’s affected. And I wish he wasn’t. I wish things could be simpler, smoother,easierfor him. I wish there wasn’t a distance between him and Stellan and that I could do something about that. I know I’m supposed to be a cure—or at least, according to him—but you can’t cure a broken heart. You have to go through the pain to get to the other side of it. And I absolutely hate that for him. I absolutely hate that all I can do is watch and be there for him and nothing else.

“I am glad he has you,” she says, breaking into my morose thoughts.

“What?”

Her eyes flicker with emotions as she says, “I’ve felt so guilty, you know. For everything I did. For everything that happened. Ibetrayed my best friend, and he’sthebest friend I have ever had. That anyone could ever have. And hurting him was the last thing I wanted to do. But he still went out of his way to help me, help us and I just…” She takes a deep breath and gives me a trembling smile. “He deserves the best.”

“I’m not… We’re not?—"

It's her turn to grab my hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. “It’s okay. I’m not going to say anything to anyone. I know you’ve been…watching him for a while. I’ve seen you look at him. When we were together and it always… It broke my heart because I was in the way. Because I couldn’t get my head straight and be with the man I really wanted to be. But I always knew he deserved that. He deserved someone like you. Someone who could love him so completely and irrevocably. Like I couldn’t and… Actually, you’re better than the best. You’re perfect for him.”

My heart is slamming in my chest and my belly is churning. I’m trying to think if she knows then maybe others know too.

“You think I’m perfect for him?” I whisper, ignoring my thoughts and my fears, genuine ones, because I can’t help but latch onto that one word she said. And that’s because I’ve always thoughtshewas perfect for him. I’ve always thought she suited him the best, with her gorgeous hair and a beautiful face.

Dreams have always been hard for me. I didn’t have them because I didn’t think I could. But then he burst into my life and changed that. I started dreaming again. About all sorts of things, about a life beyond Snow and responsibilities. But not even in my wildest dreams would I have thought I’d beperfectfor him.

“Because you have done what I always wanted for him,” she says.

“What?”

“Help him fall in love again.”

My heart stops. It does. It also falls to the bottom of my stomach.