Page 136 of A Wreck, You Make Me

I’m clearly an asshole but I’m not going to take advantage of the situation when you’re in pain.

Periods are brutal. I know. Got a sister your age, remember?

Jupiter

Okay, then. Why should I make myself come, exactly?

My Toxic-But-I-Am-Toxic-Too Stepbrother

Because it’s basic biology.

An orgasm produces endorphins. Endorphins are natural pain relievers. It also helps relax the uterus and its cramping, which is the reason for your pain in the first place.

Jupiter

How do you know all this?

My Toxic-But-I-Am-Toxic-Too Stepbrother

I’m a fucking athlete. I live for endorphins.

Jupiter

I don’t think I can touch myself when I’m on my period.

But apparently I can, because he tells me how. He Facetimes and coaches me through it and since we’re cut from the same cloth, I do it. I do everything he tells me to do while he plays with his dick on the other side of the screen, and it does make me feel better, the orgasm. Something I never knew. So that’s what I do for the next several days. We talk every night and I give myself orgasms in the name of alleviating my pain, but I know I’m doing it because I miss him. I do it because I want to come with him, come watching his face, watching his muscles tense and twitch whenhecomes.

It’s usually after ten, when Snow is asleep and I’m in my room by myself, and he’s in his room wherever he is. He’s bare chested and I’m in my nightie. He looks so handsome through the screen, smirking at me, chuckling, teasing me, talking to me about things—games, the food, his hotel, his teammates, what he sees out the window—and telling me if I’d like the city he’s in. While his eyes say he doesn’t want to do this. He doesn’t want to be so far away from me. His eyes tell me he needs me close. Heneeds to smell me, touch me, kiss me, fuck me. He wants to hold me and instead of going to sleep alone in his bed, he wants to go to sleep with me.

I know all this because I do the same things. I laugh with him, tease him back, tell him about my classes, my homework, new friends I made at school, girls’ nights and that Snow is teaching me to play Xbox these days because she misses him and doesn’t have anyone to play with. I tell him I lock the doors carefully and engage the alarm system when we’re home. And yes, I bring my phone everywhere with me.

He also asks about my mother and if she has tried to contact us. She hasn’t. Not since the night she barged in here. Initially, I did think she’d come and try to ruin things for us because she holds a mean grudge. But it’s been weeks now without a word from her so I don’t know what to think anymore. In all honesty though, I don’t think I’m too worried. Even if she hasn’t moved on, I have him with me and my entire family so I’ll be okay. Snow will be okay too.

And I watch his games.

Actually, we all watch his games together: me, Snow, Callie, Tempest, Meadow, Echo and even Lively from my old job. We turn it into girls’ night with all the junk food and ice cream and of course, piña coladas. And I try not to cheer too loudly when he makes a goal. Sometimes Snow and Tempest, even Meadow, will glance at me when he scores because they know my secret feelings, but I ignore them. After my initial talk with them about starting fresh, they haven’t brought him up again. I guess they’re trying to spare me the pain they think I’m feeling. I do feel bad for keeping secrets from them, and of course from the rest of the family, but I tell myself it’s a small price to pay to be with him.

Anyway, back to the game; since most goals are now scored by Shepard—closely followed by Ledger and Riot—it’s really hard to stay calm. Because the Wrecking Thorn is back, baby!

He’s doing so well now. Their team is winning games, with a few meager losses here and there but nothing that they can’t come back from, and most of it is thanks to him. People are calling his comeback miraculous. And of course, because people also happen to be vultures, they’re trying to speculate why.

They’re trying to connect this with any number of things: less partying and sleeping around with the girls—sort of true; his secret affair with his twin brother’s fiancée, the love of his life—this one makes me so angry; his dedication to the game—completely true but super boring so there was probably just one article about it. Appearance of his new sisters; I’m not really sure how we could be connected to his better performance, but there you have it. But the most important, or rather most rampant rumor is: his new secret girlfriend.

“How would they even know to write something like that?” I ask him one night, my heart racing.

He’s in another hotel room, propped up on generic pillows and as usual bare-chested and lazy-looking. “Baby, you have to calm down, okay?”

I’m biting my lip. “Do you think they’re hacking our phones and reading like, our texts?”

His lips twitch. “If they’re hacking my phone, then the most interesting stuff on my phone are your dancing videos.”

I wave that away, but yes, I do send him videos of me dancing, especially on game day. Because he calls them his good luck charm.

“Listen to me, okay?” he continues when I still look worried. “This is fucking parasitic garbage, do you understand? It doesn’t mean anything. And I’m never, not ever, going to let anything happen to you. Or Snow. Nothing will touch you, do you understand? I will take care of everything?—”

“But what about you? You could lose your place on the team and?—”

“I’ll be fine,” he says, his features tight.