Page 86 of A Wreck, You Make Me

I look up. “You asked Snow about me.”

He moves his jaw back and forth before replying, “She knows you the most, doesn’t she?”

I nod.

“So then, yeah I asked her about you.”

I squeeze my thighs. “What about me?”

“Your hopes and dreams. All your little heart’s desires.”

I blush, my heart pounding in my chest. “You?—”

“She told me you’ve always wanted to dance.”

I squeeze my thighs and shift on my feet restlessly. “Yes, I… When I was little, I’d talk about going away to dance, not necessarily to a dancing school but I did look up some programs here and there. And Snow would tell me that she’d go with me. I thought one day I’d make it happen. I always wanted to get out of that house, get Snow away from there. So I thought one day, I’d find a way to do that and then we’d spend our days dancing. Snow would read books but…” I lick my lips. “It doesn’t really mean I want to go to college for it. I just… want to explore.”

He watches my mouth for a second, maybe remembering a similar conversation we had at the coffee shop, and I claw my fingers on the wall, moving restlessly again. Then, looking up, “So this is your chance to do that.”

“But I don’t… I don’t have any money. Before you say anything, I know you’re the one who’s going to pay for it. But you’re already doing so much, you’ve already done so much, I?—”

“I could’ve left you there,” he cuts me off with a ticking jaw. “You’re right. I could’ve left you where I found you but I didn’t. Icouldn’t. Ever since I saw you at that strip club, serving the assholes of this town, I’ve thought of nothing else but to get you out of there. I’ve thought of nothing else but to get you out of that hellhole apartment too. And yeah, it’s because we’re connected. You said that, right? It’s because you went through what I went through. Maybe even worse because you didn’t have anyone else but yourself. And you’re so grateful, aren’t you. You’re always running your mouth and telling me how grateful you are. You fucking interrupted my peaceful night to tell me how grateful you are. So this is how you thank me. You take the opportunity I’m giving you and live your fucking life. The easy way.”

Because it doesn’t feel right. Because while he’s out there making things easy for everyone, for me. The girl who lied to him. Who’s going to make things easy for him?

I haven’t forgotten about that. A lot has happened in the past two weeks, but it’s always been there, in the back of my mind. What he wanted from me. Where we were headed. His game, his lack of focus. The fact that he thought I could distract him from his heartbreak.

“What about you?” I ask, my voice full of choking emotions.

“What about me?”

“What about your…problem?”

He stiffens, his fingers fisting and that bottle he’s still holding getting crushed even more and I feel it in my chest. “You don’t need to worry about that.”

“But season’s only a few weeks away and?—”

“Not your fucking concern.”

I lean forward, insisting, “But you still need help. You still need to prove everyone wrong and?—”

“Yeah, you willing to help me then?” he asks, his voice rough, low, kind of… seductive.

And I press my spine back, shifting against the wall again. “Not… that way.”

“So which way then?”

He’s not going to like it. I’m fully aware of that. He may even lash out but I don’t have any other option. I have to say it. I have to at least make an offer of it. Something I’ve been thinking about these past few days. I didn’t even know I’d get a chance to say it to him but it’s here and so steeling my spine, I go, “I thought… I thought we could be friends.”

Danger flickers through his features, his entire body actually. “Friends.”

“I know things are rocky between us and after what I did, you may not even want to be my friend?—”

“Yeah, you got that right.”

I flinch. “But I really want to help. Ireallydo. I don’t want them to bench you or take away your dream, Shepard. Just because you’re struggling right now.”

He is still for a few seconds, his eyes dark and staring, watching, making my belly flutter. Making me think of all the things I shouldn’t be thinking about now more than ever. Then, “I told you. If I needed a fucking therapist, I’d go find one. If I wanted more cheer in my life, I’d go bang a cheerleader too while I’m at it. I came to you for a very specific service. Unless you’re willing to provide that, I’m not fucking interested in being your friend. In fact, I’m pretty fucking uninterested in being anything to you except the man who gives it to you so hard, you shatter the windows of this house with your screams.”