Page 161 of A Vow of Shadow and Blood

She shrugs. “Julian always knew stuff, and he would tell me everything. It was like he wanted to taunt me.”

“He was punishing you because of me.” I lift my eyes to hers. “Did he…did he hurt you?”

Tears spring to her eyes, and I hate that it took me so long to get her back.

“Not in the way you’re thinking, but I’m different.”

“I don’t understand.”

She bows her head as though ashamed. “I’m not myself anymore. I don’t have control.”

“Willow, look at me.” I wait until she does. “That’s not true. You’re still you. He can’t take tha—”

“You’re not listening to what I’m saying,” she interrupts. “After he took me, hemademe change. He stopped giving me the venom.”

Realization dawns, and the air leaves my lungs. She can’t be saying what I think she is. It’s not possible.

“He made me a monster.” She weeps.

I shake my head.

“You’re not a monster. You’re my sister.”

“No, I’m not. I haven’t been for a long time; you just found a way to delay it. I’m one of his puppets that he can switch on and off whenever he pleases. I have no control over my own body.”

“Finn knows how to fix it.”

“I don’t need to be fixed. How many times do I have to tell you?” She sighs. “I just want it to end.”

My stomach tightens at her words, and tears prick my eyes.

“What are you saying?”

She wraps her fingers around the bar to try to touch mine, but I pull away.

“You know what I’m saying.”

“No.” I leave no room for discussion. I stand, and she copies me from her side of the bars. “Don’t ever say that again.”

“It’s not your choice, Adina.”

“That’s not a choice at all.”

“You don’t know what it’s like to have no control over your body! He made me do things, hurt people, and I can’t get it out,”she says as she taps a finger against her temple. “I can’t get it out of here.”

Tears spill down her cheeks, and I can barely contain my own. She looks so pained.

“I know it’s hard—”

“It’s not hard, it’s unbearable. I can’t live like this anymore.” She pauses to look up at the ceiling for a moment. “I knew you would come for me. I never stopped believing that. That’s why I held on, because I didn’t want you to find me like that. I didn’t want you to blame yourself. I wanted to let you know that I’m ok, and I love you. You can let go now. You can letmego.”

Pain like I’ve never felt grips at my chest, and I turn to look away.

“You’re not going to give up because of some monster. We can’t let him win.”

“He already won, Adina. He stole my life. He took everything. The only thing I have left is a chance at peace. And I need it.”

I swing around to face her.