Page 128 of A Vow of Shadow and Blood

“If you say so.”

She laughs at this, and I’m glad to see a smile back on her face.

“He is. When my powers didn’t manifest, a lot of vampires were very cruel to me. They shunned me. Even my own father called me defective, but Karius never treated me any differently. He took care of me and let me live in the castle. I don’t know many other powerful vampires that would have done the same thing.”

I take in her words, and I know that they are true. For all the time I’ve spent trying to hate him, he has never truly been cruel to me, not even after I tried to kill him. Our lives may be tied together, but he could have still treated me harshly and kept me locked away, but he never did. And a small part of me whispers that it has nothing to do with the bond.

Her words stir something in me that I don’t want to consider.

“Did you find any more information on the creature you think is leading the impures?” I ask abruptly, needing the change in topic.

She shakes her head in disappointment.

“We’ll figure it out, don’t worry.”

The doors to the dining hall open, and Eamon clambers in with Kaia and Karius walking behind him. My breath hitches at the sight of him. A lazy smile on his face, wearing a shirt and a pair of loose pants that hang dangerously low on his waist. He laughs at something Eamon says, and I hate that just the sound of his voice makes my stomach flip.Gods, get control of yourself, Adina.He looks a lot less stressed than usual. Lucky him. Glad to know that he has been having the time of his life.

I wait for him to glance my way or meet my eyes, but he doesn’t. The bastard ignores me. He falls into the seat opposite me without saying a word. The room spills into a flurry of conversations, and for the first time in a long time, everyone seems so relaxed. I manage to tear my eyes away from Karius long enough to listen to Kaia giving me some more notes about my fighting style. She is always in business mode, pushing me to be better, and honestly, it’s much more preferable than the silent scowls she used to give me. Part of me wonders whether Ajax purposely started to get her to train me to break some of the tension that was brewing between us. He knew that we both just needed to fight it out.

“Stew. Everybody dig in.”

A chorus of grumbles is exchanged across the table as they all begin picking up bowls from the center of the table and spooning helpings of stew into them. I sit quietly, not quite knowing what to do. I’ve never been to a meal like this. Back at the bloodhouse, we were just expected to eat alone in our rooms. Sometimes Iwould eat with Tori, Cora, or Willow, but for the most part I ate alone.

I watch silently from my spot as they exchange conversation and laughter, digging into the piping-hot food. A longing for my sister twists deep in my gut. I’m sitting here, safe at a dinner table, while she is somewhere—only the gods’ know where. I hate that I want to be happy when the guilt in my gut tells me that it’s wrong. I want to smile, eat, and laugh, all things that I’ve never even thought of doing. Usually, my mind is filled with ways that I can get venom for Willow or trying to keep a foolish newblood alive when they forget to follow the basic rules. This…just being…I don’t know how to do this.

“Here.” A bowl of food appears in front of me, and Piper’s soft voice breaks the onslaught of thoughts attacking me. I throw a genuine smile of thanks her way before pulling the bowl close and picking up the spoon beside it.

Should I feel bad?I whisper within the confines of my mind.

I wait for a while, but the answer never comes. Athriel has been quieter lately, as though this place is dimming his light. I hate it when he doesn’t speak to me. I feel an odd sense of emptiness that eats away at my soul.

I hope you’re not mad at me, too.

Am I supposed to be angry with you?

I barely suppress my smile as his familiar voice fills my mind. I hardly feel like myself these days, and the sound of his voice reminds me of who I am.

You’ve been quiet lately.

I’ve been assessing.

Assessing?

I taste the stew, and honestly, it’s awful. I don’t show it, though. I’ve never had someone cook for me for the simple joy of it, and I can tell why all the others put up with it, regardless of the overly salty flavor.

Assessing what?I ask when he doesn’t answer.

Everything. While you have been reactive, I have been the opposite. Watching and learning.

And what have you learned?

Much, my dear, but that is a conversation for another time. Enjoy your evening. You have not been this happy since you were a child. It’s ok to let yourself feel it. You deserve that happiness, Adina, even if only for one night.

His words touch something deep within me, but it doesn’t take away the incessant need to know what he has discovered.

No, I want to know.

But he doesn't answer, and I’m forced to return to the conversation in the room.