Page 9 of A Very Bossy Christmas

“You should check it out. It’s perfect.”

“I doubt it. Should we go to H&M first?”

“You’re right. It’s too flat.”

“It’s not flat!”

“Aha! Youhavelooked at it!”

“Only when it was unavoidable. Stop talking about my boss’s butt.”

“But it’s the best one I’ve ever seen IRL.”

“Don’t say IRL. Sayin real lifewhen you’re not texting.”

“WTF are you so grumpy and bossy RN?”

“Piper,I’m not the grumpy, bossy one. Declan is. Do you want to grab something to eat first or after we shop a little?” Now I’m just mad at him for being nice to my niece. And for having such a hot butt. What a dick move.

“He’s a hottie with a body.He must do squats all day long.”

“Oh my God—why don’t you watch a Shawn Mendes video on your phone or something to wipe my boss from your memory.”

“Shawn Mendes seems so young to me now. I want to look at grown-man abs. Have you seen Declan with his shirt off? I bet he has abs.”

“Everyone has abs.”

“I want to see Declan’s abs.”

“Stop calling him Declan.”

“But he told me to.”

“We don’tallhave to do what he tells us to do. At least I’m paid to do it. And even then, I don’t do everything he tells me to do—because he’s not right about everything.”

“You seem to care an awful lot about him.”

“No I don’t.”

“I would do literally anything he told me to do. I would lick him like a candy cane.”

“Piper.”

“Just sayin’.”

“You have no idea what you’re sayin’. Seriously, you have to stop saying things like that. Have you ever kissed a boy?”

“Yes. In spin the bottle at Shoshana’s b-day party last month. I bumped noses with Drake G, so our lips didn’t really touch, but I still count it as kissing.”

“Piper, you shouldn’t talk about licking boys, and you really shouldn’t talk about licking men.”

“Okay. I definitely thinkyoushould lick him, though.”

“You definitely shouldn’t talk about me licking my boss—I would never.” I might think about it, but I wouldnever.In real life, I’d rather lick eggnog off the bottom of my boots than lick Declan Cannavale. And Ihateeggnog.

Speak of licking the devil, and the work phone in your pocket vibrates…

DECLAN: COOPER. COME BACK.