Page 7 of A University of Betrayal

“The only thing I expect from you is that you understand me, Julie.” Grace looked at me now, her gaze so emotional that I found it hard to understand the meaning behind her facial expressions. “There will come a time when I will be your Domini, and then I will want you by my side as my closest advisor.”

Her words made me feel like I was doing her wrong, lying to her, evenbetrayingher. I wasn’t the close friend she always thought I was. All I knew at that moment was that I was dangerous. My new magic was consuming me, and it was only a matter of time before something would happen that would scare Grace.

I would have loved to tell her the truth, but I couldn’t. I would do my best to protect her, to be by her side, just as she wanted. And I knew at that moment that I had to be submissive. Not for the goddamn Circle, but for Grace.

Alone In This World

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I sat on the floorboards of my room and wrapped the book about the Gorgon sister Medusa in plain brown wrapping paper, simply because we had nothing else. The reason I did it was because of the chat with Erik and my feelings of remorse, which only made the uncontrollable magic inside me even more uncontrollable.

After I had put distance between this far too beautiful reality and my real one last night, Erik had texted me directly, and I hadn’t dared to reply until this morning.

Normally, I rarely felt the urge to destroy things, but when I read this message, I felt like throwing my phone out of the window.

I regretted nothing of what we had done. Not a single kiss, not a single touch, not that I’d had my first time with him. The memory alone was enough to send a tingle down the inside of my thighs.

But I couldn’t give him false hope, so I had sent the second most painful message of my existence.

It had taken Erik a while to reply. And I had tried to take away the pain that my own messages caused me with another. The two fresh red lines on my wrist were still shimmering.

Feelings that I had been too blind to see until that moment when Erik and I had faced each other for the first time.

He deserved better. Someone who was allowed to return his feelings. And nothing hurt more than knowing that I would never be that someone. I was a Quatura, and anything like relationships with people that went beyond mere sexual intercourse was strictly forbidden.

J:Whatever you feel, I don’t feel it.

No answer from him. Four new cuts.

Maybe I was simply wrapping up this book to repress what had happened, to save something that could no longer be saved, and to somehow apologize. But no thousand books in the world would make up for what I had destroyed between us.

After all, Erik’s birthday was coming up soon. I didn’t know how old he would be and whether this address in Vancouver was still valid, but I would send it, as I always did. A number on the package would eventually send it to his correct address, just the way his book packages had always reached me.

The irony that we both lived in Blairville only made my heart clench harder. I had taken another dose of Gloria’s liquid Salma to dull my emotions, but it didn’t really help. It was like a protective wall built around my heart, but anything to do with Erik quickly found a way through this façade.

I carefully slipped the letter into the last open gap in the package before closing it for good.

I would have to scar my whole body for this letter, and it wouldn’t be enough because it would take away my pain, but not Erik’s.

Why had the gods sent me someone who was good for me, only for me to destroy him?

No.There were no gods. There was only me, and I was responsible for all my suffering. All the suffering that had ever happened to me was a consequence of emotions I had allowed, emotions that had made me weak or a hopeless dreamer.

I forced myself to focus on the soft brown ribbon, but my gaze kept slipping to my wrist. This time, however, I managed to look down at the plain silver bracelet Grace had made for me. It contained wolfsbane extract, which helped against Senseque and was often combined with silver against Ruisangors. Holding it to their neck should be enough to shock or even burn them, but I doubted I would ever need it.

I usually wore the silver bracelet Grace had given me for my birthday two years ago, but I hadn’t been able to find it this morning.

I forced myself to take my eyes off my arm and looked down at the package in front of my knees.

I wouldn’t blame Erik if he burned it. And I would welcome it if the gods returned to me all the suffering, I had given him.

My eyes automatically wandered from the package to my bookshelf and I stood up, headed for the right half of the shelf, and pulled out the first book Erik had sent me. It was a collection of texts by Plato with a fine leather cover, something very simple and yet so important to me.

I opened the first page and read Erik’s spidery note.

My Charis,

I thought of you when I was in the second-hand bookshop in my town today. This collection has a beautiful cover, and I’ve always wanted to send you books anyway. I hope you can do something with it.