Page 51 of A Treasure To Keep
“I want to be a mother.”
I kiss the top of her hair, attempting to comfort her the best I can. “You deserve to be a mother.”
We spend who knows how long in the shower, letting the water soak my pants as she cries in my arms until there’s no more hot water left. Afterward, I dry her off and spoil her the way she deserves. I set her on the stool in our bathroom, rubbing lotion into her arms and legs and brushing her hair, helping her dress into her favorite pajamas. I peel the sheets back, climbing into bed behind her to wrap her in my arms.
She surprises me by grabbing my hand that’s draped over her, laying it on her stomach. She lays hers on top of mine, pressing down on where life is currently growing inside of her. We saynothing as we fall asleep, knowing that our future will hold more than the two of us we assumed it would be.
Chapter 55
Marco
Alessandro and I sit in his office several weeks after El announced she’s pregnant. I’m rubbing my hand against my jaw, noticing how long I’ve let my facial hair grow. Any inspiration I had to take care of myself disappeared weeks ago. Now, the stubble I normally keep has grown into a full beard, turning me into the caveman El says I am.
Our phone call with Geno was meant to happen at eleven. It’s ten-fifty-nine, and I keep staring at Alessandro’s phone. Is watching a phone the same as the boiling water metaphor? Regardless, neither Alessandro nor I have said anything, and I’m about to throw something at the annoyingly loud ticking clock on the wall. Thankfully, Geno, my boss, and Alessandro’s nonno, finally calls.
“Mio nipote! How is my great-granddaughter? I heard you got her baptized without me. I can’t say I’m thrilled about that, but let’s move on. Marco, I heard you’re low on bouncers for the gambling rooms. What’s going on with that?” I was hoping hewouldn’t notice. That answers the question of whether he’s still paying attention to payroll.
I run my hands through my hair, gathering my thoughts before answering him. “I had to fire some kid a few months back because he was incompetent. Don’t worry; that kid is terrified of me and hasn’t said anything. I’m tapped into his phone and laptop. I know every move he makes. Domenico, Enzo, and I have been trading off covering for him until I find someone.”
“Enzo is assigned to security for Luciana and Gia, not for a gambling room, and Domenico has been working for me too long for menial work. Find someone else.” In typical Geno style, he hangs up, not giving either of us a chance to argue with him. This conversation could have been an email.
The clock continues to tick in the background like it did before Geno’s phone call. I’m standing, inching over to the door to sneak out of Alessandro’s office. I’m reaching out for the doorknob, sweet relief seconds away, when Alessandro speaks.
“Sit back down, Marco. We have more to talk about.” Fuck! I walk back over to my seat, crossing my right foot over my left knee as it shakes with nervous energy. I don’t want to have this dumbass conversation.
“What the fuck did you do, Marco?” That’s exactly what my reaction was.
“That’s what I’ve been thinking for weeks.” I uncross my leg, placing both my elbows on my knees as I rub my hands together.
Alessandro leans back in his chair, exasperated at my vague answer. “You have to give me more than that. Is El who you’ve been sneaking out of the house for months? Is that who you disappear with for days on end? Does Andrea know about this? Please don’t tell me you’re having an affair with her. El and Andrea are engaged for fuck’s sake!”
“Do you honestly think El would do that with me? You’re fucking crazy, dude. Yes, that’s where I’ve been going formonths. Yes, that’s who I’ve been sneaking out for months. And yes, Andrea knows.” Waiting for your best friend’s response to his best friend and his other friend fucking the said friend's fiancée is achingly annoying.
“I don’t care who you date or fuck. I’m mainly talking about the baby. Is your plan to step aside and let Andrea and El raise your baby?” Alessandro’s face tells me exactly what he’s trying to say.
“This is vastly different from with Luci and Elio.” We found out that when Luci went missing during the first half of her pregnancy, she was staying with an ex-boyfriend, Elio. From day one, he planned on raising Alessandro’s daughter. “I had no idea about Andrea’s infertility and that El’s shot would fail. I was the addition to their relationship. I have no say. I’m not getting involved. I wouldn’t even know how to take care of the kid.”
Alessandro slams his hands on his desk, dumbfounded that those words came out of my mouth. “You’re spewing out bullshit, Marco! Who walks into parenthood completely prepared? No one! You figure it out. If you’re that terrified, hire a nanny. You’re being a pussy and giving up. You should be raising fucking hell to keep your baby close. That’s what it is. Your. Fucking. Baby. Your blood. She’s growing the only blood you’ve had since your dad died. I can have our lawyer get something together to keep El close and to ensure your rights as the father.”
I stand up suddenly, my chair falling behind me. All Alessandro is asking for right now is a nasty black eye if he keeps telling me what to do. “Why are you acting all holier than thou about this? You wouldn’t have fucking cared a year ago what I would have done. Is this because you’re a dad?”
Alessandro pushes off his desk, circling it until we’re face-to-face. “I’m acting like this because your dad isn’t around, and if he were, we both know he would smack you sideways over this.Grow the fuck up and take responsibility as the father to that baby.”
“I’ll think about it.” The answer will still be no.
“It wasn’t an option.” I go to answer when he interrupts me. And by that, I mean Alessandro bursts out of his office, leaving in a similar way to Geno, with the last word.
The only thing worse than El’s reaction to the positive pregnancy test would be her reaction to getting papers asking for parental rights. It doesn’t matter how much I want to be around. They deserve to raise a baby together. I can’t get involved in that. I refuse to get involved in it. They’ll raise the baby, regardless of whose blood it is.
I fall asleep that night, dreaming of a small, dark-haired baby, one with features that match mine and my father's. I hold the small bundle in my arms as El is in the background, exhausted, with her face full of love. When I wake in the morning, I run to the gym, punching the bag until my knuckles bleed. Again. In return, adding to the fresh scars that already cover them.
I can’t let myself get involved. It’s unfair to Andrea and El. That dream has to stay just that.
A dream.
Chapter 56
El