Page 6 of A Traitor Sister (Remnants of the Fallen Kingdom #2)

6

ZIVEN

B eing alive again, after graciously accepting my death, is a strange experience. I still recall those last moments when I was surrounded, wounded, outnumbered, still recall the relief of seeing Tarlia running to her freedom while I welcomed death.

My only pain was in missing the chance to avenge the people who wronged me, who killed my father, but I told myself that perhaps it was not up to me to bring them justice.

I embraced the end.

And now, I feel reborn. I’m lying on a small double bed in a room with a wooden, slanted ceiling and a round window, in a house that belongs to a strange fae with cat ears. He and his companion claim they’re Astra’s friends, but I’m more likely to bet that they serve her husband. Apparently, they carried me like a sack of potatoes after I took too long to wake up. I’m grateful to them, even if I’ll never utter the words thanks . And then Tarlia’s here too, alive and well, and there aren’t enough words to express my relief in knowing that.

This would be the perfect opportunity to enact the foolish idea that had been plaguing my mind: to escape with her and disappear in these fae lands. Of course, in reality, things are a lot more complicated than in my mind. If we can’t even work for the fae or make deals on this side of the river, how can I find any belonging here?

And how can I return to Krastel? I can’t.

I hear two soft knocks on the door and know who it is before asking. I’m not even sure why anyone gave me a room, when I’m the intruder here.

“Come in.”

Tarlia walks in, her hair colored black, wearing a simple dark blue dress, her stunning beauty standing out like a jewel on a velvet cushion.

Her words never left my mind.

I love you— said just like she would have declared that the day is hot. I love you , as if she was asking me to pass her the salt. But does love need any ceremony?

And then I recall her eagerness to marry the fae king. Maybe all she wants is power. Or maybe this is my own excuse, my own explanation as to why I cannot utter the same words she did. Maybe all I had was a strange, feverish dream with no substance, and all it took was a little reality to wake me up. The truth is that I don’t understand my own feelings.

She approaches the bed. “How are you?”

“Well rested, I’d say.”

I chuckle, but there’s something in her look that makes me pause. I get the feeling that she’s about to say goodbye, and an odd sensation that I’ll never see her again, even if in theory she’s supposed to be back tomorrow. Still, her plan to go to the Crystal Castle strikes me as dangerous and foolish. Regardless of what I feel for her, I don’t want to see her getting hurt.

“Don’t go,” I blurt. “I’m sorry for what I said, for being angry. Don’t go.”

I can see thousands of thoughts stirring behind those big brown eyes, but then she says, “We’ll be in and out. I trained for this.”

“You never trained to counter fae magic, Tarlia. While I support rescuing Astra, obviously, the fae girl can do it on her own.”

She looks down, runs a hand through her hair, then looks at me. “Fae can’t make deals with us. I know. But they can and will repay favors. I’d rather be useful to them than sit here like a useless burden.”

“Like me, you mean?”

She shakes her head, her hair flowing with the movement. “You’re hurt. I’m not.”

Tarlia’s so pretty that I almost lose track of my thoughts, then I recall she’s about to step into an enemy castle as an impostor, and insist, “It’s an unnecessary risk.”

“It’s for Astra. And for me, for you. Like I said, I’ll feel safer knowing I can be useful to them. You’ll be safer too.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“True.” She bites her lip, then says, “Once you’re better, you could go to a human kingdom. They’d harbor you.”

Me. On my own. She’s clearly thinking our ways are about to part. “This idea has crossed my mind—then left quickly.” I chuckle. “They would do it for a price.”

“At least you’re worth something.” Her laugh is jagged and cutting, and then she stares at me, unspoken words suspended in her eyes.

“My head is also worth something, and therein lies the problem.”

“I know.” She still stares at me, as if a question hung between us.

I can’t evade the topic anymore and decide to be direct. “What you said in the carriage. Did you mean it?”

Her tone shifts. “I said lots of things. You’ll have to be specific.”

Of course she knows exactly what I’m talking about. And I need to know her answer. Could I love her? Could she make me happy?

Maybe I’m still dazed, drowsy, and dizzy from the pain and the potions, and then maybe feeling like I was born again grants me an odd boldness.

Tarlia’s sitting on the edge of the bed. I lean over—and brush my lips on hers. She trembles at first, then wraps her arms around me, returning the kiss with sweet, inviting eagerness.

I’m kissing Tarlia, kissing those lovely, luscious lips. My hands trail down her body, caressing her shoulders, her arms, then moving to her legs. I want to feel more of her skin, touch her entire body, so I move a hand up her stomach and finally cup her firm, lovely breast. I’m rewarded with a delicious moan and her small, delicate hands moving to my chest.

I kiss and caress her as our bodies intertwine, kiss her as I push her down onto the mattress and feel her body under mine.

A grunt of pleasure escapes my throat as her hand reaches down my trousers. Amazing hand, sending ripples of pleasure through my entire body, her grip just right. Perfect grip. Gorgeous, sexy Tarlia.

I want her now, on a borrowed bed. I’ve wanted her for a long time.

As I lean back to remove my shirt, our eyes meet.

What I see in hers stuns and terrifies me; those are adoring, loving eyes. Tarlia’s giving me a look that I can’t correspond. I can’t. And then I realize it: I’m consumed with lust. Pure, plain lust. I cannot look at her in the same way she looks at me, cannot tell her the three words she told me. I like her as a friend, sure. I’d love to fuck her, no doubt—but that’s where it ends.

And if she’s my friend, I can’t deceive her.

Carefully, I push her hand. My cock wants to murder me.

Keeping my voice as gentle as possible, I say, “Maybe we shouldn’t.”

Tarlia looks confused for a moment but then glares at me, her eyes like arrows ready to be nocked. “You started it.”

“I know. And this is amazing. You’re gorgeous.” I sit up and point at her incredible body. “It’s a dream, any man’s dream to have you.”

“But?” She raises her eyebrows and sits as well.

“I…” A nervous chuckle escapes me, and now I see murder in her eyes. I take a deep breath. “I want it to mean something when it happens. And your words in the carriage…”

I love you . If I wanted an answer, I found it. I don’t feel the same, and it’s not even that I’m jealous of a certain fae king . I’m not in love with her, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be.

“I might have exaggerated,” she says quickly. “I was taken by the moment. Didn’t mean it.”

“Fair, but then… Why? What were we doing?”

Tarlia crosses her arms and tilts her head. “Oh, poor little baby. I guess nobody explained it to you.” Her voice is mocking and high and ridiculous. “When people are attracted to each other, they kiss, then do more than kiss…”

“But that’s the problem, Tarlia. I wouldn’t make love to you. Not now, at least.”

“Oh. Did I ask you to marry me?” Her eyes are narrowed and her voice is shrill.

“No.” I sit at the edge of the bed. “But I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”

She chuckles and rolls her eyes. “You’re not the only one who almost died. You think I don’t deserve to live in the moment?”

“You do. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if it means more to you than to me… It’s wrong.”

“Incredible excuse.” She snorts.

I stare at her. “Tarlia, I want you to know that I like you. You’re kind, smart, funny.” I’m not sure what I’m trying to say. “You’re so much more than just your body.”

“Do you think I can walk around as a disembodied entity?” She points at herself. “This is me. Who I am. And this part of me has wants and needs too, just like you. I’m not trying to make you love me, Ziven. I just wanted a pleasant moment.”

“Did you really want us to use each other for a quick release?”

She gets up. “You don’t know what it’s like. What it’s like to live with the man who murdered your family. To wonder when they’ll kill you.”

That doesn’t make sense. “You’re literally describing my life.”

“Fair.” She crosses her arms. “But at least nobody’s training you to one day warm a stranger’s bed. Not even my body belongs to me. Why would you blame me for using it while I can? Using it before it’s given to some creepy old king?”

Now I have to laugh. “Oh, yes. I heard exactly how much you dreaded the possibility.”

“The possibility of marrying a handsome, young king. Yes, I cherished that, since they prepared me for much worse. The chance of maybe acquiring some tiny bit of power, to enact my revenge. Every day of my life, I considered the ways I could murder Otavio. Hoped for the day I could do it. Every day. But maybe I was a coward because I didn’t want to jeopardize my safety.”

I know how much she despises her master, and feel bad for her. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want your pity. I just wanted your body, but I don’t even want that anymore.”

“You deserve more, Tarlia. You deserve someone who loves you.”

“Love is stupid.”

“You deserve it. And you’ll find it.”

She walks to the door. “Maybe I should try to snag that fae king after all.”

I get up and approach her. Suddenly I understand why she agreed with such a dangerous plan. I was a dimwit not to have realized it. “Is that what you’re doing? Why you’re going to the castle? To seduce the fae king?”

“What if I am? Do you have a problem with that?”

I don’t know if she’s serious or trying to irk me. “I hope you’re not delusional. The fae king would never fall for you.”

Anger flashes in her eyes. “Right. I’m unlovable and worthless.”

“Your worth is your worth. If people fail to see it, it’s their problem.”

“ You fail to see it. And you’re wrong, Ziven.”

Before I can reply, she opens the door and dashes down the steepest and narrowest wooden stairs I’ve ever seen. I want to follow her, but my legs wobble and I step back, my vision suddenly blurry. I’m still tired, that’s all. Overused my magic , they said. Useless magic, if it fails on the very day I need it.

Everything is so pointless. I like Tarlia. If I didn’t like her, I’d gladly take what she was offering—but I think she deserves more. Why did my words come out so wrong? Now she probably hates me.

And then, I still have that eerie feeling that I’ll never see her again. And we parted like that. But I’m too dizzy and tired to follow her, and she’s now going on a dangerous mission to a strange castle, where her life will be in danger.

I wish I could love her so much that I would be able to stop her, wish I could love her so much that we’d be too busy making love and she wouldn’t want to leave this room.

I wish I could love someone, wish I could feel something, wish I knew where my life’s taking me.

For now, back to bed, before I fall on the floor.

TARLIA

T ears are trying to burst through, but I swallow them. Now they’re solidifying into a stone blocking my throat as I descend the stairs. What’s the sadness for? I knew Ziven and I would never be anything. I’ve always known I had no chance with him. And yet I can still taste my momentary illusion that the world was upside down.

Or was I trying to catch lightning and make the most of a moment I knew wouldn’t last?

Why did he start it? Did he want to break my heart? Tease me then leave me hanging? Prove a point?

Of course he wants nothing with me. And yet perhaps I thought… we could spend some moments together, but no. Oh, no. He doesn’t want me.

Not only that, he thinks nobody will ever love me. What an idiot. A truthful idiot. What a jagged dagger truth is.

Downstairs, Lidiane, Nelsin, and Ferer sit around the table. This is Nelsin’s house, a cute, warm cottage in a fae village. I have no idea what the village looks like, or even what it sounds like, since the windows and walls are enchanted with acoustic blocking to give us privacy.

I wish I could walk down these fae streets, but a human here would attract too much attention, and that’s the last thing we want.

We came straight into this kitchen, traveling through a magic circle, Ferer and Nelsin carrying Ziven, who took forever to wake up. After that, Ferer picked up some of Astra’s belongings, and I was able to dye my hair black. It’s odd to look at myself in the mirror and see my hair any color other than the burgundy I’m used to, but at least this means less glamour for Lidiane, which will make things easier when we head to the castle.

We’ll leave right before sunset.

I take a deep breath. I’m going to a fae castle!

I want to pinch myself. Perhaps if I do it hard enough, I’ll smarten up, gain some sense of self-preservation, and quit this stupid plan. But then, what would I preserve myself for? I’m not a piece of meat—and have no future ahead of me.

They turn to me as I approach the table, and worry replaces the sparkle in Lidiane’s eyes. “Something wrong?”

Is my almost-crying face that obvious? I shrug. “Goodbyes are hard.”

Ferer frowns. “Hang on. How long are you planning on staying in that castle?” The question is directed at his sister.

“One, two days. Who knows?” She lifts a shoulder. “Until Marlak and Astra are safe.”

He rubs his eyebrows and asks, “What if it takes longer?”

“We’ll be careful,” she says. “And we’ll leave the castle when it’s safe.”

“Leave with Astra,” Ferer suggests.

Lidiane shakes her head. “They might notice she’s missing and raise the alarm. Then the three of us will be in danger.”

This is probably the third or fourth time she’s explaining her rationale, and I admire her patience, even if I also understand her brother’s caution.

He crosses his arms. “And when you leave the castle, they’ll notice Astra’s missing.”

“Yes, and they’ll look for Astra, not Tarlia, not me.” Her voice is soothing, as if her tone, in itself, could appease her brother.

I doubt he’ll stop worrying, and I can’t blame him. We are about to step into an enemy castle. Strangely, the idea of facing possible dangers doesn’t discourage me. On the contrary, I feel a thrill of excitement, anticipation. I want to deceive the king, want to rescue Astra, want to use some of those stupid skills I honed all my life.

And then, I want to leave this cottage, Ziven, and what happened upstairs behind.

I even wish I could seduce the fae king, just to prove that I can. I know I can, if I set my mind to it. Unfortunately, I doubt I can seduce anyone in just one night.

Ferer shakes his head. “I don’t like it.”

The tension in the kitchen feels like a thick, heavy mist.

Lidiane taps her fingers on the table, then takes a sheet of paper out of her bag. “I’ll show you something that… should be a secret.”

She’s looking at Ferer and Nelsin, but glances at me quickly. She then focuses on her brother and pulls back the paper. “I can tell you how I know where Astra is, but you need to promise you won’t stop me from going to the castle, and won’t interfere, no matter what happens.”

Ferer observes the paper in her hand, his eyes wide. “ No matter what is too broad. If they take you hostage, am I supposed to wait here twiddling my fingers?”

She sighs. “Don’t interfere unless…” She looks at Nelsin. “ He agrees it’s necessary.”

Nelsin’s cat ears perk up, and he points at himself, clearly rattled. “Me?”

“Yes, you,” Lidiane says. “Because you won’t treat me like a baby sister—I hope.”

Nelsin, whose skin is already fair, gets even paler, and turns to Ferer. “I care about her safety. You know that.”

Ferer exhales and his body relaxes. “I’ll trust you.” He glances at his sister. “Trust you both.” Finally, he seems to notice me. “You all.” He turns to Lidiane again. “Show us what you have.”

“I told you I worked at the Owl Inn’s kitchen, right? Well…” She bites her lower lip, mischief in her eyes. “I wasn’t exactly cooking. They needed someone good at undoing glamours, someone who could swear to keep things secret.” She shows the paper. “This is a transcending note. Somebody writes on one end, and we read it here. This is from the Crystal Castle. There’s an informant there.”

Nelsin and Ferer stare at her with their jaws dropped, and Nelsin asks, “Do you know who it is?”

“Nobody knows. And the information…” She pauses. “Is not always the most useful.”

“How come it’s in your hands now?”

She giggles. “I borrowed it.” The two fae don’t look impressed, and she adds, “Look, I have reason to believe that the fae reading it were connected to the Nether Court .”

Something in her tone and the reaction of the two fae suggest this is a fearsome, dangerous court.

“What’s the Nether Court?” I ask.

“It’s not a real court in the sense we know,” Lidiane explains. “It’s one of the smaller courts, but I think their line ended or something, not without vowing to destroy the Crystal Court. Now, it’s the name used for some scattered groups fighting for us, lower fae.”

I’m confused. “Isn’t fighting for the lower fae a good thing?”

“Destroying the Crystal Court, for them, means destroying its entire family .”

Her emphasis on these last words should mean something, but I don’t quite get it. But then… Oh. “That includes Prince Marlak? They’d like to see him dead?”

Lidiane nods. “Exactly. So, just to be safe, I decided to keep the note with me, and replaced it with a replica. I still pass them information. Most of the time it’s useless, and hasn’t yet threatened Marlak.”

I swallow. “So both King Renel and his enemies want Marlak dead?”

“Renel can’t kill Marlak or cause his death,” Lidiane says. “But everyone else can.”

A horrible thought occurs to me. “I bet they’d love to get their hands on Astra. And if Renel can’t kill Marlak, but if he has his wife, he could…” Horrific images of torture flood my mind.

Nelsin waves his hands. “And that’s why we need to rescue her.”

Lidiane raises the paper. “The note says she’s unharmed and that Renel might have some interest in her.”

“It could be a trap.” Ferer raises an eyebrow. “An anonymous informant?”

“It could be, of course,” Lidiane says. “But I’m more inclined to think it’s someone trying to do what they can.”

Nelsin stares at the note. “Did it say anything about Marlak?”

Lidiane purses her lips and shakes her head. “Nothing at all. But I’m not surprised. The information they send is… mundane. Ins and outs. Maps. It must be someone who works in the castle, but doesn’t have any access to Renel or the Council, you know? It’s as if they are reporting the little they see, but from a very restricted vantage point. They’re trying to do as much as they can.” There’s a note of admiration in her tone.

“But they knew about Astra,” Nelsin says.

“I’m not sure how much. They said it was a human guest, so they probably don’t know who she is. It’s part of their strategy of mentioning bits and pieces, as if they don’t know what can be useful.”

Ferer glares at her. “Were you planning to keep this transcending note a secret from us?”

“Well, you think I can’t help, think you’re the only one who can be the glorious knight. Of course I wasn’t going to share my findings.” She takes a deep breath. “But maybe we can all work together. I’ll leave this with you as a token of my trust. You need to touch the paper to reveal the writing, but I’m sure you can do it.”

Ferer takes it. “How do I know when there’s a message?”

“The paper gets a little darker,” she says.

Ferer lifts the paper and stares at it. “So if they capture a fae intruder and a human impostor, I suppose I’ll read about it.”

She gives him a cheeky grin. “You have to hope they’ll deem it either important or mundane enough to inform you.”

He glares at her. “Is that how you mean to comfort me?”

“I’ll be all right,” she says. “Trust me.”

Trust me . Her words uncover a well of feelings.

I’ve never had anyone protecting me, let alone overprotecting me, so I can’t exactly imagine what she feels, and yet, in my eyes, her plea is clear: consider me your equal .

Ferer walks around the table and wraps his arms around his sister. “I’ll trust you, even if I wish you would never get involved in any of this.” He then breaks the hug and faces her. “No more secrets, all right? No need to go around stealing transcending notes behind my back, you little traitor. Next time, let me help you.”

There’s so much relief in her warm chuckle. “I will.” Then she adds, “Also, I never told you about the note before because it never mentioned Marlak. And I am telling you about Astra.”

Nelsin then looks around. “It’s almost sunset. You’d better leave soon.”

Ferer turns to him. “Perhaps you could take them. Your transcending is better than mine.”

The cat-eared fae widens his eyes but then nods. “Fair.” He looks at me and Lidiane. “Ready?”

Like, now? Now? We aren’t even wearing the capes. True that the first step is just to get close to the castle.

Now.

I feel as if a thousand little ants are walking on my back.

“I’m ready, yes,” I say, all my remaining confidence going into my smile.

Lidiane grabs her purse with the capes, and Nelsin gestures for us to go to the corner of the kitchen.

We’re about to transcend again, and I hope this time I don’t feel like puking.

I’m about to take Lidiane’s hand, when I hear a voice.

“Wait.” Ziven is at the bottom of the stairs, holding onto the wall. He’s still pale, and his hair is a messy bird’s nest, and yet my heart almost flips at seeing him so vulnerable.

That said, he was strong enough to humiliate me a few minutes ago.

His eyes are focused on me now and tell me a different story. He breaches the distance between us and holds my hands. I wish I had the strength to push him away, but I’m too stunned to move. In reality, I feel above the clouds. Any crumb of his affection is enough to make my mind spin tales of eternal love and happy endings.

He’s still staring at me, as if my tales were all true. “We’ll talk, Tarlia. When you come back.” He squeezes my hand. “We’ll…” His chest moves up and down slowly. “Talk,” he repeats, but this time the word is an entire story about to be solved, a book to be finished. “Come back. And don’t do anything foolish.”

I’m still bitter about his rejection, so I pull my hands, even if I smile at him. “No foolish plans. And of course I’m coming back.”

He kisses my cheek, quickly, as if he just decided to do that, as if it was a strong demonstration of… something. “Come back, Tarlia. Come back to… this house.”

Lidiane steps between me and Ziven. “That’s the plan.” Her tone is stiff, as if annoyed. “And you should rest now.”

He gives her a lazy, playful smile. A drunk Ziven smile. “That’s my plan. I’ll be resting.” He looks at me. “And waiting.”

She waves her hand as if scaring away a fly. “Yes. Go to bed.” That’s an incredibly rude way to treat a prince, but then, he’s not her prince.

Ziven puts a hand on his chest. “I love beds.”

Lidiane holds my hand and Nelsin’s, then says, “Let’s go.”

I feel Nelsin’s hand wrapping around mine, and then the world swirls while my organs twist inside me. Everything dark, except for the image in my mind; Ziven, staring at me.

When that odd darkness stops, we’re at the margin of a brook, in the middle of a forest.

Her reaction puzzled me, so I ask, “You don’t like Ziven?”

“I don’t know him, but I do know all about men saying maybe . Come back and we’ll maybe . Giving you just enough hope so you might still be an option for him.”

The truth of her words stirs my stomach some more, but I try to ask something else. “Do fae do that too?”

“Sometimes.”

Nelsin glares at her. “I don’t see the issue with maybe . Sometimes people need to think.”

Lidiane huffs. “I don’t mean my brother. He loves you.”

“Really?” His cat ears perk up so much that he almost looks like a rabbit. “You think that?”

She rolls her eyes. “It’s obvious. Meanwhile, the human prince pretty face is just trying to make sure she doesn’t forget him.”

I don’t have a response to that.

I’m glad when Nelsin says, “Which is fair, if he’s still considering her.”

“Nah.” Lidiane turns to me. “Are you two together?”

Her question makes me queasy, but I say the truth, “We’re just friends.”

“People don’t look at friends like you look at him. Meanwhile, he’s all…” She places a finger on her cheek. “ Let me think . He promised you nothing . Absolutely nothing .”

It’s true. But it’s not like she’s revealing some ancient secret. “I know. I know these things. I’m not stupid. I don’t think I’ll come back and he’ll…” A lump constricts my throat. “Declare his love.”

“I know you know.” Her tone is still ferocious. “But I’m still annoyed on your behalf.”

Does she care? Are we friends? I don’t know how to ask any of that, so I just nod. “Right.”

Nelsin eyes her attentively. “Hmmm. It all sounds like it reached close to your heart, didn’t it? Recalling past experiences?”

She scrunches her face. “I’m not going to discuss my love life with my brother’s beloved.”

“We broke up!” His cat years move down, hiding in his hair.

“He’s just upset,” Lidiane says. “And he’ll forgive you.”

I should remain silent, but they’re too nosy for me to repay them with nonchalance. “I love how you two talk as if I wasn’t here.”

“True!” Strangely, she sounds delighted. “You don’t know the story! We still have to walk for some time. We can tell you.”

“For now,” Nelsin says. “We’ll soon need to be quiet.”

“Obviously,” she says. “You can still tell her your story—unless you want me to do that for you.”

He narrows his eyes. “Oh, you know all about it?”

“Yes, my brother told me. You broke his heart, Nelsin.”

“ I broke his heart?” He snorts. “You have to be kidding me.”

Her eyes are mischievous. “I’m assuming your version will be different from his. Go on. I’m curious. And enlighten our friend Tarlia.”

Our friend . Why does my heart warm hearing these words? I laugh. “Yes, don’t leave me here trying to piece stories based on random bits of conversation.”

“I’ll tell you as much as I can.” He then turns to Lidiane. “And you’ll tell us about the mysterious flaky fae who broke your heart.”

She laughs. “Nah, didn’t break it. Just strengthened it.” Then she adds in a lower voice, “But don’t tell my brother.”

Nelsin has a mischievous grin. “Who was it?”

“You go first.”

He raises his arms. “What’s there to tell? Ferer is my soulmate. I know it.”

“How do you know it?” I ask.

The moonlight illuminates a dreamy expression on his face. “The moment I saw him. Each person sees it differently. If you’re wondering if you’ll recognize your soulmate, you’ll know it when you know it.”

Could Ziven be it? Oh, wow, delusional Tarlia. And Nelsin’s answer is anything but helpful. “What if I never know it?”

He shrugs. “Then there’s no soulmate for you.”

“That’s depressing.” Why do I have the feeling that’s going to be my fate?

Lidiane clicks her tongue. “It’s not bad. You can still find love, and you can do other things, focus on yourself. Eventually, you’ll meet your person in some other life.”

“Exactly, it’s not bad,” Nelsin says. “I suppose. Meeting your soulmate can be painful in its own right. Anyway, I’ve been with Ferer for two years now, and I volunteered to help Marlak when he did, so we would still be together. Then, one day, I was trying to be helpful and traveled with Astra, but we were attacked.” His shoulders shrink. “Ferer thinks what I did was dishonorable and shameful and doesn’t want to talk to me.”

That doesn’t sound right. “He spoke to you just now.”

“Only the necessary.” He turns to Lidiane. “What did he say?”

“I suppose your stories match, Nelsin, but he also mentioned that you and Astra almost died, she got unconscious for two days, and your traveling with her was an act of treason.”

Nelsin shrugs. “Sometimes rules don’t make sense, you know?”

“Honor is very important for my brother. He needs to trust you again, but letting you guide us is already a sign of trust, so be patient.”

“Really?” Nelsin’s grin is the type of silly, happy grin that can wash away any worry.

Lidiane chuckles. “Really, Nelsin. It will all turn out fine in the end.”

“What about your story?” I ask her.

She sighs. “Larjax claims he’s the leader of the Nether Court.”

“Larjax? I didn’t know he was a royal.” Nelsin stares at her wide-eyed, while I’m here wondering what kind of evil parents gave that name to a kid.

“He isn’t, but who’s going to complain when the court is gone? He still leads a small group trying to bring down the Crystal Court.”

“You were involved with him?” Nelsin asks in disbelief.

She narrows her eyes. “You’re not helping, you know? Anyway, yes, I was.”

Nelsin chuckles. “Ferer would have a seizure or something.”

“And why he will never, ever learn about this,” she says. “It sounded exciting, romantic, adventurous. I know Larjax doesn’t like Marlak, but I thought he meant well.”

“He doesn’t mean well?” Nelsin asks.

“No. He’s self-serving. It’s not that he thinks Marlak would be bad for the Crystal Court, but that he would like to take the power for himself.”

“That’s dangerous,” I say.

“No.” She waves a hand. “He’s pathetic, actually. He boasts more than he does—concerning everything . And he has a bunch of lovers.”

I can feel the hurt buried beneath her casual tone. “I’m sorry.”

“No need to be sorry. He was a sign, I think. What I saw in him was passion, courage, a commitment to making the world better—and I fell in love with that. Love, I know. Stupid. He’s none of what I saw in him, and yet I realized that if I really love those qualities, I could embody them—and love myself, not that I didn’t love before, but I had never thought about being in a romantic relationship with myself, and then suddenly I did, and now I’m in love with someone who won’t let me down.”

“That makes sense.” Nelsin looks up, thoughtful. “And the sex tends to be great. Good call, little sister.”

“Right?” She smiles.

Are they really talking about self-love that nonchalantly? But I disagree with her. “I don’t think you truly have sex with yourself.” They give me pitiful looks, and I feel I have to clarify what I mean. “There’s someone else in your thoughts. It might not be one specific person, it can be like a formless idea, but there’s someone else. At least for me.”

“Sexy formless blob?” Lidiane says. “I suppose. Still my own blob. No, wait, I’m certain that Larjax only has sex with himself, and thinking about himself. All the time, even when he has someone else on his bed.”

Nelsin grimaces. “What a dreadful lover.”

Lidiane nods. “I must confess it took me a while to notice how bad he was. It’s embarrassing. But I think I had this idea in my head… Well, if I’m going to sleep with my own imagination, why not Formless Blob?”

Nelsin and I laugh. Obviously. We all have our blobs. No. Lately Ziven’s the one who’s been in my mind, as pathetic as it may seem. I bet Nelsin thinks about Ferer.

Lidiane snorts. “But Larjax is not dangerous, no. His group has few fae and they’re disorganized. The only thing he did was promise a prize for whoever brings him Renel’s head.”

Those words catch my attention. “What prize?”

She laughs. “Two thousand swans. Ridiculous, right?”

Her words make me tremble. Two thousand golden swans. I could run away and live happily until the end of my days.

“Can he pay that?” I try to keep my voice casual.

Lidiane shrugs. “I suppose. His family owns some taverns, and he promised it. Fae can’t break their word.”

My head is turning, thinking. No. It can’t be that easy. “How come nobody has killed Renel yet? For the prize?”

She has a light chuckle as if the idea was ridiculous. “Killing the acting king is a little hard, you know? Many fae have sworn oaths to him, and we can’t break oaths. The castle protects him, and he’s usually surrounded by tons of guards—or his powerful knight.”

“Would you kill him?” I ask.

“I can’t. I have strong reasons to believe that he has a deal with Marlak; if one of them kills or causes the other’s death, he’ll also die. If I kill Renel, considering I know Marlak, that could count as his fault. And I don’t want that stupid prize.”

But I do.

And I barely know Marlak, so killing Renel wouldn’t cause his death.

If Lidiane got that enchanted paper at the Owl Inn, this rebel leader must live in the area, or have contacts there. I can find an inn. My heart is accelerating in my chest. Murder is bad, sure, but if Renel is evil, and if I can earn enough to guarantee my freedom…

Can I do it? Will I have an opportunity to kill him?

I decide to focus on one thing at a time. Rescuing Astra and pretending to be her will be quite dangerous on its own, even without trying to kill anyone.

And then, if the opportunity arises… I’ll guarantee my future.