Page 24 of A Traitor Sister (Remnants of the Fallen Kingdom #2)

24

LIDIANE

I walk down the hall of the Desert Keep’s quarters with Azur, imagining all the ways in which I’ll strangle Tarlia.

Soulmates! Wink, wink, soulmates. So, how do you find out when someone is your soulmate?

She didn’t even have the decency to try to look away or pretend she wasn’t talking about me and Azur.

Soulmates.

The word feels heavy, strange, alien. I haven’t looked at him since we left that kitchen and came to find a bedroom.

A bedroom. For us.

That’s on Tarlia too, who came up with the ludicrous suggestion. Perhaps that’s on me as well, who was too stunned to protest.

Soulmates. Really?

I want to tell myself that the idea is absurd, and yet, even in my head, I’m unable to say it.

Denial would be a lie.

I know what I felt when I sensed his magic gone. He said it was as if he had lost part of himself—but at that moment, I could swear it was part of me too, as if we were connected. Connected by an unbreakable bond.

And yet it’s still strange. I don’t even know how to feel about it. And I don’t know what’s going to happen.

Azur opens a door and looks inside. “Is this good?” His voice has an odd harshness.

“Looks clean enough.” It’s just a simple, small bedroom with two bunk beds, a small, round table, and two wooden chairs. I chuckle. “Better than perishing in the desert.”

“Good.” He gestures for me to enter, not even a hint of a smile on his lips, then slams the door shut and turns to me.

I don’t like his demeanor. “What’s the attitude for?”

His fists are clenched. “Since when?”

“Not sure. Since when can’t you ask a complete question?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“I don’t.” Is he upset at Tarlia? Still angry that I know Marlak? Annoyed for some other reason? “And you know what? The keep is safe. I’ll find another room.”

He crosses his arms and stands in front of the door. “No.”

“So you think you can give me orders?”

“No. But I can stop you.”

This is all wrong and I’m too tired to argue. I sigh. “Can you explain what you want to know? And if there’s something I did to upset you, tell me what it is?”

He blinks and his expression softens. “You didn’t do anything wrong, and I’m not upset at you.”

“That’s not what it looks like.”

He takes a slow, deep breath, then swallows. “Since when have you known… about our bond?”

Do I even have an answer for that? Was it when I sensed his lack of magic? When he appeared in the soulsucker’s vision? Or was it even earlier, when I saw him for the first time? My heart feels strange in my chest.

“What difference does it make?”

He looks away. “None. No difference at all.” He frowns, then looks back at me. “But you do know what we are, don’t you?”

I can’t have a serious conversation right now, so I chuckle. “Two exhausted fae who just survived the impossible.”

“True.” The corners of his lips lift as if about to smile, but then his face hardens at once. “But it will only get more and more dangerous. And I don’t know if luck will save you next time.”

I lift a shoulder in a half-shrug. “If luck were certain, it wouldn’t be luck.”

“You don’t care. Don’t care about anything that happened today.”

“What do you want me to do? Sit and cry? Actually, sitting is a wonderful idea.” I take a chair by the table.

He sits across from me and places a lightstone between us. It casts an eerie glow on his beautiful face.

“Lidiane, I want you to listen to me.” At least his tone is soft now, with none of that previous anger. “When the sun rises tomorrow, I want you to leave this place and walk to the Charmed River. I have no doubt that you’re more than capable of surviving the Shadow Lands during the day, and I think you’ll do fine once you’re in Fae Territories. Go. Don’t come back. This mess… isn’t for you.”

I know what he’s saying. Escape. Disappear. His suggestion makes sense, but it feels like a splinter digging into my heart, even if my mind still can’t comprehend why. I don’t want to push that splinter, cause unbearable pain, don’t want a serious conversation, and smirk. “Are you planning on taking residence here or something?”

He glares at me, his blue eyes reflecting the lightstone. “Obviously not.”

“Then you’re also going to cross the river. While I agree with you that I can fare well in the Shadow Lands during the day, I’m not so sure about you and your master, no offense. We can part ways afterwards , since you can’t wait to get rid of me.”

Azur gets up all of a sudden and kicks the chair. “I want you gone. Gone.”

“Funny. You were telling a completely different story this morning.”

“I was an idiot! A reckless, mindless idiot. I should never, ever, have brought you to the Jewel City to rescue those fae. I made a mistake. Now I’m looking into fixing my folly.”

“ Why did you ask me to come with you?”

He crouches and puts the chair back in its right position. “You know why.” His voice is quiet.

“No. Was it because you sensed the bond? And yet now you’re pushing me away, and it seems you abhor that bond, so no, that doesn’t explain it.”

He sits again and places his hands on the table, his fingers interlaced. “I thought… A soulmate bond is supposed to be good, right? It’s a great omen and great luck to find your soulmate. And I knew it. The moment I saw you, I knew it. And I thought…”

He presses a lock of his hair between his fingers. “I look back and don’t even understand what I was thinking. It was as if you were a key to open my shackles. That was completely selfish, but at that moment, I saw you as a sign, a gift. I was thinking of what you could bring to me, wondering what would happen once you also felt the bond. I wondered what it would be like to kiss you, to hold you in my arms, to look at you and see the same feeling reflected in you. I imagined all that. Foolish, foolish dreams, as if I wasn’t a guardian, as if my life wasn’t bound.”

He closes his eyes, and when he opens them, they’re brilliant with unshed tears. “I can say sorry a thousand times, a million times, and it won’t fix my foolishness. I let myself dream for a moment, let myself imagine a different life, a happy future. And then Renel asked me to save those fae. An easy task. And yet…” He snorts. “Some women like flowers, some women like a nice walk together, some like a delectable dinner. And yet I knew in my heart that what you would like most would be to do something meaningful, to make a difference for the fae who can’t do anything for themselves. I could feel it.”

As if he could look into my soul, and yet something in it still feels wrong. “Except for the part where you were actually working for the person oppressing those fae.”

He leans forward. “ Bound guardian, Lidiane. I can’t help it.”

“You could have been honest.”

He looks at me, then looks away. “But I chose to be foolish.”

I consider our mission this morning. Odd that the truth only hits me now. “You didn’t need me at all, did you? You could have transcended straight into their cell, then taken them from there. Bringing me was nothing but a sham.”

“Yes. And no. I wasn’t sure if there were any magical wards in the prison area, and if I could transcend there. Using glamours was a good strategy not only to gain access to the Inquiry House, but also to cause some confusion as to who actually released the prisoners. It felt like a good idea, and if Zorwal hadn’t shown up, they would have taken a long time to notice what happened, and I could have secured a boat for the fugitives at a port. Easy. Of course, I didn’t predict any tribulation. First, Zorwal, then whatever happened with the Sea Court. I don’t want to know what you are, even if I’m here thinking you’re a bastard princess or something.”

“I’m no princess, Azur.”

He looks at his hands, his eyes so sad. “It’s best if I don’t know.”

All my anger at him evaporates like water on dry soil, and I feel like explaining some of my truth to him. “There is nothing to know. My father was from the Sea Court, but my mother wasn’t. I don’t know who he was or what he did to piss off the king so much, but I assume it was bad. In a way, I don’t know my story either. They killed my mother when I was just a baby, and would have killed me too, except that I was well hidden in the Crystal Court, living with the lower fae. Well, I am lower fae there.”

He rolls his eyes. “ Lower is such a ridiculous word.”

“It doesn’t bother me. I’d be more ashamed of being a Crystal Court high fae, considering what most of them do. No offense.”

“I’m not high fae.”

“But you look like one, live like one. The fact that you may have some distant ancestor?—”

“It wasn’t my choice. My parents were from the southwestern coast, near Clare Beach. Do you know what the original fae from that area look like?”

“I’m not sure.”

He draws imaginary circles on the table with his finger. “Some of us have colored skins; blue, purple, while others have the regular high fae and human shades from beige to brown. We also have small, pointy black horns.” He looks at me.

“But you don’t.”

“They cut them.” The casual, detached tone he uses barely disguises the buried pain seeping through.

My hands cover my mouth as if they could contain my horror. “I’m sorry.”

He looks down and shrugs. “No need. I suppose they did a good job. My hair even grows where the horns used to be.” He snorts. “I’m so lucky I have no stumps.”

I understand now why he wears a hat whenever he can. It’s just… “Wouldn’t it have dulled your senses? Or your magic?”

“At the time, my magic suffered, yes. But then, slowly, it came back. The worst was the pain, and then looking at myself in the mirror.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want your pity.”

“It’s not?—”

“I don’t want anything from you, in fact.” His tone is harsh again, as if he just remembered he absolutely needs to be a prick to me. “I just want you to leave when the sun rises.”

I roll my eyes. “We’re all going south. There’s no need for me to escape like a fugitive. We can split after we cross the river and you’re on your way to… wherever you’re going.”

“No. I want you gone, gone before I do anything foolish.” He puts a hand on his chest. “For now, all I feel is the pull, the bond. You feel that as well, I think. But there’s nothing more. No friendship, no loving moments together, no memories.”

“Surviving what we did together is kind of hard to forget.”

“Fair. There will be some memories, but there’s no love in them, and there will be nothing more. A soulmate is a potential for something, a seed. We can choose never to plant it. The bond is still weak. The only way to solidify it is by doing something we can choose never to do. Leave while you can, escape. In fact, I don’t know why you didn’t escape at the castle when I told you so.”

“A guard summoned me.”

“So let’s not take any chances anymore. Go south right after the sun rises.”

I think about Zorwal, about the dangers Azur’s about to face, and taste something bitter. And there’s another problem. “I won’t leave Tar.”

“Take her with you. Go to her room and call her. I doubt Renel will suspect she’s about to escape. Go.”

Go, go, go. As if I was an unwanted dog. “I already understood that you want to get rid of me. No need to keep repeating yourself.”

Azur nods. “Great. Now, if by any chance, I find that you’re still here in the morning, I’ll tell Renel that your friend is an impostor. I don’t think it will go well for her.”

“So you’re threatening me now.”

“I’m glad I’m being clear.”

I get up and walk to the door. “Don’t worry. I’ll be gone tomorrow. And you won’t see me anymore tonight. Or ever, I suppose.”

Azur pulls me back, preventing me from touching the door handle, his chest touching my back. “You’ll sleep here.”

“You have no right to give me orders.”

“Does this make you hate me?” he whispers in my ear, his arms clasped tight around me.

His voice is a spark that lights a fire in me and raises goosebumps on my skin. Suddenly, I don’t want those arms to let me go; I want them to squeeze me tight, want more whispers, want him to explore my skin with his hands.

I grit my teeth and force myself to forget the horrifying images that just came to me. “It has a different effect, Azur, one that I thought you wanted to avoid.”

He turns me around to face him and holds my hands. “Stay,” he pleads. “Just in case. Please. If there’s something in this keep… I won’t sleep not knowing if you’re safe.”

“Get used to it. That’s going to be the rest of our lives.”

“But you won’t be in a building in the Shadow Lands. That’s the difference. Stay with me. Just tonight. I’m strong; I can resist the pull.”

“You, you, you. It’s all about you. It’s what you feel, what you want, what you fear. I’m still not a person to you.” And I can’t believe I’m bonded to this idiot.

He lets go of my hand. “Then hate me, hate my selfishness. There’s only ruin ahead of me. The days of the Crystal Court are counted, and when it collapses, I’ll be among the first to burn with it. I’ll have a short life, perhaps even shorter if my magic doesn’t return. I don’t want you entangled in any of that.”

“Then let’s be rational. The Shadow Lands are not too dangerous during the day, but we could still benefit from reaching the Charmed River together. We can all leave right after sunrise. Once we’re in Fae Territories, we part ways.”

“I want a promise.”

“No,” I say. “I don’t owe you anything. You may have saved my life on that boat, but you were the one who put it in danger, so it doesn’t count. Also, you know what? I dare you to tell Renel about Tar and not implicate yourself. Finally, this bond of ours, it’s a curse, it’s destiny mocking us, that’s the only explanation. And I will find another room for me.”

“Don’t go, please.” He pulls me before I turn and wraps his arms around me, so that we’re facing each other. “Let me feel that you’re close—just once. I know it’s all about me, a selfish wish.”

“If you liked me just a little, you’d wonder what I wanted.”

“What do you want?”

To be left alone. The words won’t leave my lips, though. I can’t utter such a lie.

The horrifying truth is that I want Azur. Stupid bond.

I would rather face insurmountable obstacles with him, even if he’s an idiot, than run away and live a safe but empty, uneventful life. Except that he doesn’t feel the same.

I say, “If there’s no future for us, I’d rather split sooner rather than later. I’d rather have nothing than a taste of something that will never happen. Believe it or not, I have a heart too. I have feelings, and the bond messes with them. I’ll sleep in the room next to this one. If something happens, I’ll scream really loud, so please don’t worry. Tomorrow we’ll cross the Charmed River then part ways forever.”

“Not forever. We’ll still find each other in this life or the next.”

“I won’t be sitting around waiting. And if we ever meet again, I doubt it will be during some idyllic dream. There will always be challenges, always uncertainties, so there will never be a future for us. We’ll be condemned to roam apart. Forever. You know, people love and persevere together, despite all odds. When they love. But you’re right that there’s no love here, just a pointless, useless bond.”

His jaw clenches but he stares at me, speechless, and finally unwraps his arms. I feel cold without his touch. Strange.

Part of me is glad he’s finally letting me go, part of me wishes he had insisted, wishes… Why are wishes so foolish? I turn around, walk away, and find the next room. This one has only one bed and doesn’t even have sheets, but I said I’d sleep in the room next to his, so I have to keep my word.

I want to scream. I’m so frustrated. I want to cry. And none of it makes any sense. I don’t even know him.

My brother would be horrified if he heard about me and Azur. Marlak would probably think he had enchanted me or something.

In a way, this is for the best. My family matters more than this one random person whose feelings are like mine, whose magic I can feel, who knows what kind of things I like…

I sigh.

A fae who serves Renel. Not truly his choice, but still.

Parting ways might be for the best. But why does it have to hurt so much?

ZIVEN

A s I wait for Marlak, my anxiety grows. Too many things could have gone wrong, and I even wonder if I should have insisted that he wait here with me—as if he wasn’t more stubborn than a rock. Still, I regret letting him descend to that lake. Astra will never forgive me if something happens to her husband. I have to believe nothing happened, though. Marlak’s quite powerful. Even knowing that, my heart won’t rest.

The air is getting chilly, and I open the bag to get a coat. As I’m pulling it, I hear steps and look up. It’s Marlak, finally. I would be relieved—except that he’s looking more furious than ever.

“All right,” he says. “What can I offer you to open that bridge now?”

“Nothing. We’ll die if we walk there tonight. I don’t know how I know it, but I do. I want to live after this, even if it’s for a pointless, aimless life, with nowhere to go. I still want to survive. I want you to survive too. For Astra. A few hours, Marlak. You have way more magic than me, meaning that you must also know that you shouldn’t go there now. You can feel the wrongness of the place.”

“My sister’s there.”

“If she survived this far, she can survive a few more hours. You know I’m right, Marlak. You have to know.”

“When you ask me for a favor, I’ll remember your refusal.” His tone would be terrifying if I weren’t more terrified of this place.

“That’s my hope. That we’ll both come out of this alive to ask and refuse favors, and maybe be assholes to each other.”

He huffs. “I’m friendly. Patient. You’re the one who’s not helping.”

“I know.” I don’t even roll my eyes. I’m the patient one here, but I don’t want to brag. “Let’s find a place to set camp.”

Marlak glares at me as if it would somehow make me change my mind. After a few seconds, he nods. “Fine.”

We walk back to where we came from, to a flat area by a slope, so that it’s protected from some of the wind. It’s also far from any carcass.

I look at the ground, searching for twigs, but there aren’t many. “Can you set the tent?” I ask. “I’ll find some wood.”

“Wood for what?” he spits.

“Why do people who camp gather wood, Marlak?” I turn, thinking of going back to where there were some trees, then feel his hand grabbing my arm and pulling me back. “What?” I ask.

“No fire. No fire.” His eyes are wide and almost wild. “It will attract all kinds of dangerous things. Do you want a beacon for the bird eater?”

“Fire scares dangerous beasts.” I can’t believe I have to explain this basic fact to him.

“It does not. It’s a beacon for great horrors. No fire.” He’s so absurd.

“Great. Then we shall be eaten in our sleep.”

“We can keep watch. Or use magic.” He’s finally saying something decent.

“That might be an idea. We could create a thick ice layer over the tent, like a shield. That way, we won’t be noticed or attacked. Can we at least light a lightstone, though? Or we’ll be in pitch black.”

“Why would I have a problem with a light stone?”

Perhaps because he thinks fire is some great danger? I just shrug. “No idea.”

He pulls a tent and opens it on the ground. It’s a rough leather thing with a flexible pole to hold the top. Quite small. I’m almost suggesting I can sleep elsewhere, but then I remember that horrific tower, this bird-killing monster or whatever, and then the ice golems, and decide it’s better to sleep with Marlak, and enter the tent.

In one second, we’re immersed in darkness, surrounded by a thick layer of ice, then he lights the stone.

“Let’s sleep, since you’re so afraid of the dark.”

“I’m prudent.”

He shrugs. “Makes sense. With such weak magic, you definitely need to be careful.”

While I understand he’s worried about his sister, it’s getting too much. I can also make fun of him. “Impressive, right? You and your powerful magic couldn’t even see the island.”

“That’s not magic. That’s a silly rule because you’re a king’s son. Doesn’t count.”

I smile. “And yet I was right; you need me.”

“Only to get me to the tower, no more.”

“ Only . If I were half the jackass you are, I’d be making you beg me to get you to that tower, and I’m not. I’m here out of my own free will.”

“Here in the tent . Waiting until sunrise. And I’m absolutely not a jackass. If it was anyone else in my place, they’d have encased you in ice.”

“Technically, we are encased in ice.” I chuckle. “And you encased me and Astra, when you didn’t even know her. Then you locked her hands and feet in ice. Is that how you flirt? Kidnap women, then hold them with ice?”

Marlak smirks. “Well, it works. Don’t despair, human prince, you also have water magic, and can encase your own special lady one day.”

I huff. “Not interested.”

Marlak lifts a shoulder. “Your special guy, then.”

“Even less interested.”

He stares at me. “Nobody special, then? Astra’s friend, maybe?”

“Tarlia’s a good friend, that’s it. You know, some people are perfectly capable of having friendships with the gender they’re attracted to. I’m not sure you understand the concept.”

“That’s not true. I have a female friend.”

“Then why were you thinking me and Astra…”

“I would never think that. She has me, half-roasted and scarred, right? Why would she want a perfect prince?” He sighs. “I’m just kidding. I trust her, and I know that what we have goes deeper than looks.”

I nod. I could tell him he’s good-looking, but we’re alone in a tent and I feel that would be weird. “You did overhear her that day.”

“I didn’t trust her at the time. In retrospect, It wasn’t one of my brightest moments.”

Funny that just mentioning Astra improves his mood—unless he’s worried about her. I can perhaps understand what they see in each other, even understand how their love makes them better people.

“I’m glad you trust Astra now. She has a good heart, and it seems you make her happy.”

“And you? Nobody, really?”

I find it weird to discuss my love life with the grumpiness expert, but at the same time, at least he’s not teasing me now. “I thought Tarlia, maybe. But it’s strange. She’s pretty, smart, kind. I like her, I truly do. And yet I feel nothing. Nothing romantic, at least. I think she feels differently about me, and I fear losing a friend.”

“If she’s your friend, she’ll understand.”

“That’s what I hope.” I still recall our kiss, her anger, her words, our goodbye. I’m not sure I can tell her she’s special and yet not that special, and how to do it without hurting her.

“So tomorrow you’ll get me to that tower, right?”

“Yes. During the day. It’s safer.”

I see his chest rise and fall. “One more night without my sister.”

“I’m sorry. For all that happened to you. But I’ll help you rescue her. That’s a promise.”

“Thank you.”

He sounds earnest. Perhaps the exhaustion of the trip took some of his edge, and then perhaps he feels what I feel, senses the eerie magic in that lake, and knows it’s not going to be that simple. He may realize that waiting until daylight is the best course of action.

Of course, I can’t fault him for being worried about his sister. I can’t imagine what horrors she’s facing right now, what horrors she has faced for twelve years.

Tomorrow we’ll see. I hope we come out alive.