Page 27 of A Traitor Sister (Remnants of the Fallen Kingdom #2)

27

ASTRA

M y stomach feels upside down when I wake up, still in my old room where I slept so many nights dreaming about Marlak.

This time, it was a nightmare. I felt him near, and then I couldn’t feel him anymore. I still recall that weird Astra telling me to find the Amethyst Palace. Something’s wrong. I don’t know if it’s me being paranoid and missing him, or…

I take a slow, deep breath. Or what?

Perhaps one of a thousand things that could happen to him in the Icy Lands or in that mysterious tower. Is the answer really to find the Amethyst Palace?

Not that I know how to find it.

I could perhaps return to that sanctuary and try to find some clue, something. A chill runs from my head to my toes. I won’t have time to go to the sanctuary. I need to find the Amethyst Palace as soon as I can.

But how?

Even my inner voice won’t tell me how. Even the strange Astra in my dreams won’t tell me how. The Nymph Queen herself couldn’t tell me how.

All I have is a chest full of panic and anxiety about to overflow.

I get up and head to the kitchen, where Nelsin is sitting at a table.

“Good morning!” I think he’s trying to sound cheerful, but I suppose my worry is like a shroud above his house and everyone can feel it.

I grab a piece of bread and a bowl of fruit from the counter, then sit with him. “Where’s Ferer?”

“Outside. Practicing magic or sword forms. Or moping. Something like that.”

“I’m moping too, and I need to practice magic. I suppose I should join him.”

He presses his lips together. “Did you figure out anything?”

“No! Except that I dreamed that I have to find the Amethyst Palace immediately. Now! I don’t even have time to research.” I can’t keep the annoyance from my voice.

Nelsin plucks a grape from my plate. “Why do you think that is?”

“No time? I fear Marlak might be in danger. And I know you’re going to say I’m making no sense. He went to the Blue Tower. What does it have to do with that Palace? And then I’ll tell you that I don’t know.”

He chuckles. “Sometimes you don’t need to know. You feel it.”

“Yes. I feel we’re in trouble. And in case I don’t feel it enough, the Nymph Queen almost drowned me just to tell me I’m about to be in some big, big trouble if I don’t find myself. Did she have any advice for me? Of course not. Just warnings. You know, do they think that if they glare at me a lot, my magic will be scared into showing up?”

Nelsin narrows his eyes, but he looks smoldering rather than glaring, and at least he makes me laugh.

He doesn’t change his expression. “Me thinks you don’t take my warning seriously.”

“There are too many serious warnings already. And no explanations. At least if you’re not going to give me an explanation, don’t scare me.”

He leans back, his expression relaxed again. “But that’s the thing, Astra; some things don’t have an explanation.”

“And then how do you figure them out?”

“You feel it. You don’t think. How do you know you have to find that palace? What’s the explanation?”

I pause, mulling his words. “It’s different.”

“All things are different from each other. It doesn’t mean you can’t transpose your experience.”

“What should I do, then? To find that palace?”

He plucks and eats another grape, then says, “First, you have to connect with your magic. See, that’s the thing; if it was a matter of looking at a book and figuring it out, the fae who wrote that Fallen Kingdom book would have found it already. Anyone would have found it. It needs to be a Tiurian with magic, which seems to be you. So you need to look inward.”

“That’s literally what the Nymph Queen told me. She said I should find myself. I’m here. Then what?”

He looks up, thinking. “I saw you using your magic. It was quite powerful. Can you bring yourself back to that moment, remember what you felt?”

I recall those strange creatures, recall that I didn’t want to die or to let Nelsin die. “Fear. Do I need to be terrified to use my magic?”

“Was it fear?” His blue eyes are bright. “I still remember that moment, and you seemed quite confident, Astra. I’d even say that you were absolutely fearless. So I don’t know if I agree with you.”

“Fearless?” My chuckle is sad and hopeless.

“Something else, then. Try to remember, Astra. What were you feeling when you created that light?”

Light. It had always been my companion, back when I accepted what Otavio said, when I even accepted that I was tainted.

“I grew up in a human castle, and they believe in the Almighty Mother. I used to believe in her too, with all my heart.” The memory makes me cringe.

“What changed?”

“They call Tiurians darksouls. This Almighty Mother has this protective light against darkness, and we are part of that darkness.” Saying those words feels like jabbing my heart. “I… feel ashamed that once I believed that I was somehow unpure, corrupted. I’m angry too, that they should teach that. After being away from Krastel, after seeing things from a distance, I started to understand that so much of it were lies. Lies, lies, lies. How can I be old Astra, with that pure trust in a creature from a religion that hates me?”

“Hmmm. You don’t speak Tiurian, right?”

“I don’t think the language has been spoken in many years—not that I would learn it.”

“So that’s the thing. Everything you describe uses the human and fae common tongue, not your own language.” He points to my plate. “What do you have in there?”

“Bread?” I’m not sure what point he’s trying to make.

“Yes, and yet, in your own language, it would be called something else, right?”

“I wouldn’t even know what.”

“Maybe one day you’ll learn the word, and maybe you’ll even learn about a special type of bread and its significance to your people. Meanwhile, are you going to stop eating bread just because it has a name that was given by people who hate Tiurians?”

“The bread isn’t preaching that I’m dangerous, Nelsin, so I’m not sure I agree.”

“The Almighty Mother is not a Krastelian invention. It’s a bigger force, spirit, deity. Who knows if we can even define it. I saw you, and I have no doubt that it was real. So perhaps you’re using the wrong name. If it gives you power, fearlessness, why should you turn your back on it?”

I sigh. “It’s not on purpose. It’s just that I don’t see things the same way anymore. But maybe you’re right. I used to have her as a constant companion. I always said my protective words before sleeping, and it’s true I haven’t been doing it anymore, as if I looked back and thought it was something silly, childish, something from my past, and I was gullible. And yet now that you’re saying it, I do feel… ungrateful. But it comes with so many complicated feelings.”

“Uncomplicate it. Think about your connection here.” He points to his chest. “Don’t think about all the people who exploited that connection to spread lies. If the Almighty Mother is the key to your magic, and it’s the only key you know, you have to use it. One day you may call her something different, maybe use a Tiurian word, but for now, it’s what you have. Don’t starve just because the bread was made by the fae and our kind targeted Tiurians.”

I take a piece of bread and cheese while I consider his words. He is right. At the same time, I don’t know how I changed like that, how I flipped, or maybe I do. It’s a strange thing to confess, and yet saying it feels like disentangling something from my chest.

“You’re right. And the bread is good. And I think there’s something else to it. The Almighty Mother was one of the things that helped me, that gave me strength, resilience. The other thing was my kindred soul. And I suppose it’s stupid that just because I found him, I should ignore a piece of myself. And you’re right, no matter how tainted with lies my faith was, it was part of who I was.”

“Romantic love sometimes takes over your mind, heart, and body. It’s normal.”

“But that’s not good.”

He leans his head in his hand, his face dreamy. “Oh, I disagree. It’s absolutely incredible.”

His words make me laugh. “Yes, but I also need to care for myself, right? Romantic love is not everything. It can’t be my sole source of solace and strength. But it wasn’t all that, it was really that I look back at Krastel and see how they manipulated me. But at the same time, my faith was something good. Even the priestess was good. She always helped me—which is strange. She’d hate me if she knew what I was.”

“She probably wouldn’t hate you. She would think you are not like the other evil dark souls.” He exaggerates his voice. “Like you, she was also told lies, Astra. It’s true that she repeats them, but… I don’t know. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be you, let alone this random person I’ve never met.”

“I don’t think it’s right to claim an entire group of people is evil, but that’s for her to learn—or not. You’re right that my faith is my own.” I think back to that moment in the plains by the cliff. “You said I was fearless back then, and I can see now that it’s partly true. The feeling was surrender . I trusted in a greater power, trusted in it with all my heart, and in that absolute trust, there was no place for fear. I need to find that trust again.”

“I’m sure it hasn’t gone far.”

“Let’s hope so.” I smile. “But let me eat first, then I’ll find it.”

He narrows his eyes, his face playful. “Are you sure you want to eat grapes grown by the fae? Some of them would capture you or kill you.”

“These grapes are no match for my might. Let them try!” We both laugh. “How did you know what to say? How to explain it to me?”

“We have similar issues. I also don’t know much about my parents—or my people. Ferer is a half sea fae, and yet has never gone to the Sea Court, nor will he. Sometimes I look at myself and ask: who am I? But I think I’m also all these pieces I grabbed on the way. The Crystal Court has not been kind to my people, and yet I can take what they have and make my own. We’re not static stones.”

“And even stones allow the wind to carve them. Thank you. For showing me the way.”

“See? I’m useful sometimes.” He looks adorable with his cat ears pointed forward and a crooked grin.

“Being a friend is useful enough.”

I finish eating, then go outside to think, to try to reconnect with that faith I had most of my life.

It’s my faith, not Krastel’s, and it will allow me to connect with my power—if I let it.

And maybe that’s the secret; to trust. Let go and trust.

I take a deep breath, admire the mountains and the sky, then close my eyes.

It’s hard to trust when I’m so stressed, when the solution is not clear. That day with Nelsin, all I had in my mind was how to protect us; there was no confusion, no doubt.

Find me , the castle told me in my dreams.

If I’m going to trust, I have to trust fully. I ask the Almighty Mother to show me the way to the Amethyst Palace and wait. The answer is coming, and I don’t even need to worry.

My eyes snap open at once when it hits me. Oh, the answer’s so obvious!

Extremely dangerous, quite reckless, and yet utterly obvious.

Can I be that bold?

TARLIA

P eace. So much peace. A quiet contentment fills my heart, pervading my body as the dim light from a wakening sky enters through a murky window. There’s something warm on my back, around me…

My breath catches in my throat. I want to sit up, but strong arms hold me tight. My heart jolts.

Renel. Renel’s behind me. Renel’s arms are enveloping me.

The night’s over and he’s still here. Then again, there is nowhere else to go—other than the bed above us and all the other rooms in this keep, that is. Then again, we were exhausted.

And yet there’s something in the intimacy of waking up like this, something that stirs in my stomach, something about to induce a wave of panic.

I push his arms—and he holds me tighter.

“Tar?” he mumbles, sounding half asleep.

“It’s morning,” I say.

He kisses my shoulder. “I can see that.”

His hands then caress my belly. That simple touch ignites a rush of desire through my body.

“You said you loved deeply for one night . The night is over.”

His mouth moves to my neck, then my ear, where a stroke of his tongue makes me moan.

“It’s dessert,” he says. “Don’t you like dessert?”

“I’m food now?” My chuckle sounds wrong, but it’s still passable for a chuckle.

“Aren’t we both? We can devour and taste each other.” One of his hands cups my breast while the other holds me firmly by the waist. “What’s your favorite dessert?”

At least this talk is making me hungry and distracting me from the urge to ride his cock again. “Drusils. I don’t think fae have it.”

“I suppose not. What is it made of?”

“Coconut, milk, and honey. Don’t ask me how it’s made. All I know is that it’s soft on the inside, crunchy on the outside. But we rarely had it, and when we did, they never let me eat more than two.” I recall Astra saving her portions for me. Astra. Marlak’s wife. Renel’s enemy.

“I’ll get the recipe. We’ll make mountains and mountains of drusils, and you’ll eat until you need a break, then have some more and repeat it all over.”

That would be child Tarlia’s dream—but I’m not a child anymore. “I’ll gain weight if I eat too many.”

He pinches my belly. “Then you’ll get all soft, wiggly, and still pretty. I’ll have more places to hold you.” He kisses my neck again. “And kiss you. But I like you all lean and firm just as much.”

An old bitterness stirs within me. I don’t want to believe in an illusion, get carried away with fruitless feelings.

“You talk as if…” I’m not sure what to say. He stops kissing me, perhaps to listen, and I continue, even if it tastes bitter. “As if we had a future.”

“Well…” He pauses, then leans his forehead on my back. “True. How can I ignore my dysfunctional castle, right? Soon I’ll be bathing in lava, and won’t be able to hold you anymore.”

He talks as if he wanted to keep holding me. I shouldn’t pay attention to that. Men make many promises when their minds are addled with lust. It doesn’t mean anything. And yet something he said caught my attention.

“Can’t you just stay away from the castle? When it’s going to the fiery place or something?”

“A moment of self-destruction like that would call back the castle master. I’d be sucked right back in, I suppose to bear witness of my faults.” He sighs and cups my breast. “I’d rather talk about holding you. Last night you made me forget about the castle. Make me forget it again.”

“There must be a solution, Renel.”

“I’ll try to find it.” One of his hands moves down, between my legs, the touch so soft, so enticing. “But I want to find something else now.”

“Sure, let’s ignore our problems.”

The tip of his finger caresses my entrance. How does he know how to touch it so right? How can a touch do so much? I suppose the problems can wait.

A moan escapes my lips as I try to say, “Let’s… ignore them.”

“Hmmm, you’re already so wet. Is it for me or for the drusils?”

He presses his finger again. I thought I hated fingers down there. But I love his finger—and I can’t really form coherent sounds anymore.

“Yes,” I half moan.

I feel his chest moving with his chuckle on my back. “I suppose you like this?”

His finger makes a light pressure and friction just on the right spot. There’s something slightly different now. All I know is that it shoots a thrill of pleasure through my entire body. I’m not sure what sounds I’m making, and if they’re loud or not. I’m not sure where I am. Are there stars above me? Around me?

Renel. There’s only Renel embracing me, a cocoon of warmth and pleasure, taking me to a strange place beyond all senses. Renel.

Any control’s escaping me as my thoughts become nothingness.

No. I want to be the one in control.

I push his hand and arm and turn around to face him. He stares at me with surprise at first, but soon a corner of his lips lifts, and he holds my face with both hands, a fervor in his eyes.

I sit up and push him against the bed, so that he’s lying flat, staring at me in curiosity and expectation, an eyebrow raised.

We’re both still naked, except that the morning light lets me admire the muscles on his chest and abdomen. Such absolute beauty, like a sculpture by a masterful artist. I want to delight in my moments with this absolute male perfection. He emits a soft moan as I kiss the trail of hair leading to his already erect cock. I clasp it with one hand, then look into his eyes as I lick the tip.

“Tar,” he mutters, his breath ragged.

“You like this?” I ask, then swirl my tongue around the head of his cock.

“Too much.”

I surround his cock with my lips and glide down slowly as my other hand caresses the base, feeling him getting even harder with my touch.

Someone knocks on the door. From behind it, comes Azur’s voice. “Renel.”

Just to mess with him, I don’t stop what I’m doing. On the contrary, I move my tongue even more.

“What is it?” Renel asks with difficulty. He can barely speak.

“We shouldn’t linger.”

“Is there an emergency?” Renel sounds more annoyed than anyone I’ve ever heard.

“There could be.”

“Then leave,” Renel roars. “Leave.”

After a few seconds, when I’m sure his guardian is gone, I say, “That was rude.”

He caresses my hair. “Rude of him to interrupt this moment.”

I’m about to take his cock again, when Renel pushes me against the bed, then mounts on top of me, between my legs.

I pretend to be mad and frown. “You interrupted me.”

He runs a finger over my lower lip. “No. As much as I love this warm mouth, I want to come inside you. One more second and you’d taste my seed.”

I suck his thumb. “Maybe I would like that.”

“Another time. I want to hear you scream a little more.”

“Do you think?—”

He’s inside me—in one thrust. Whatever I was saying gets stuck in my throat.

He pulls out, slowly so that only the head is inside me. “What were you saying?”

“Nonsense.”

I want him inside me, and push up my hips, but he moves back, so that all he’s doing is teasing me. “I want to hear it,” he says.

“I was wondering if you thought the second round could be as good as?—”

He’s inside me again, and the only sound I can make is a loud moan.

“What was that?” he asks, his tone teasing. “As good as what?”

“If you’re not going to let me say it, don’t ask.”

He chuckles, then thrusts again, even harder. “I might not. Does this compare to drusils?”

“Not quite,” I say, just to provoke him.

“Oh, no.” He kisses my neck, then nibbles my ear. “I’ll have to step up.”

He thrusts hard, and between whimpers and moans, I say, “You need to be sweeter, perhaps.”

“I’m sweet.” He kisses my cheek.

“Then let me taste you.”

“Another day. Now, I want you to say my name.”

“Renel?” I don’t know why I chuckle.

He pulls back again, teasing me. “Again.”

“Renel.” This is a half moan, as he thrusts inside me.

Renel, Renel, Renel, Renel. I lose track of the times I moan, whisper and yell his name, lose track of the way my body feels, lose track of where I am. There’s just us, an explosion of sensations, and another, and another.

Renel, Renel, Renel. Why does it have to feel so good?

I get ahold of my senses again and find him on top of me, looking into my eyes, a tender expression in his eyes.

“Tarlia. You’re beautiful.”

“I know.”

He laughs, then pulls his cock from inside me, kisses my shoulder blade, and holds my hand.

The gesture is so intimate, loving even. Perhaps that’s just the way fae are, and it doesn’t mean the same to him as it means to me. I pull my hand.

“I thought it was just dessert.”

“It was.” He kisses my shoulder. “If I could spend the entire day with you, I’d lead you through a seven-course banquet.”

“That’s a bold promise.”

He looks down, sadness marring his eyes for the first time. “It’s not a promise. I don’t know if I’ll ever…” He takes a deep breath. “I don’t know if we’ll ever spend time together again.”

I shrug, pretending not to care. Wait. Do I care? Regardless, I have to say something. “It was just one night.”

He nods, then kisses my neck and runs a finger over my cheek. “Thank you. You made me forget every single affliction weighing over my head.”

“The sex did, Renel, not me.” I keep my tone flippant, even if my lips are trembling. Why is he messing with my heart?

He caresses my hair. “It was you . Had we spent the night just talking, I’d still forget everything. I wish… I wish things were different, but they aren’t. I’ll never forget you.” He sits up. “We’d better go.”

Yes, go. That’s the part I need to focus on. I pull my dress, wondering if I can just tie the top straps. He already has a pair of trousers on. “Wait here,” he says. “I’ll bring you new clothes, a pitcher of water, and a cloth. So you can wash.”

He leans down as if to kiss me, but I lower my head, so that he kisses the top of it. Perhaps I’m like a drusil, all soft inside, touched just because we had a night of decent sex.

More than decent, but still.

Perhaps it’s just because he’s so incredibly beautiful.

I don’t know what it is. What I know is that whatever pathetic feeling has come over me, it’s new—and terrifying.