Page 92 of A Thousand Cuts

Liam nodded, his stomach turning at the memory of his past self—foolish and hopeful and hurt so many times. “I told you, it didn’t work.”

“Why not?”

Liam swallowed the bile and closed his eyes. The only way out seemed to be through.

“I have…needs,” he said finally, shame washing over him like a torrent. “In bed.”

“And I want to make sure they’re met,” Fix said when Liam paused. “Liam…”

“I like it rough,” he spat out, turning away from Fix so he didn’t have to see the expression on his face. He sat up again, pulling his knees to his chest.

The blanket pooled around his waist, leaving the curve of his spine exposed. He wrapped his hands around his bent knees and stared ahead. Fix was silent behind him, and it made Liam want to squirm. Was he rethinking this? Was he trying to find a way to back out?

“I squeezed your neck,” Fix said slowly, nearly startling Liam. “It was an accident, but you liked it.”

“Yes. I have nothing against gentle sex. I can…I can get off and I like it. It’s nice, it’s just…”

“Not what you crave?” Fix finished for him.

Silence followed that statement, and Liam felt the cool air brush against his back before there was warmth again.

The rustle of sheets.

And then Fix’s imposing body covering his own. Hands danced down his spine and lips found his shoulder blades.

“Why would that be a problem?” Fix asked. “People liking rough sex isn’t that strange.”

“Because I don’t want it the rest of the time.”

“Explain,” Fix said, still dancing his fingers over Liam’s back.

“I like being held down, controlled, owned.” Liam stared at his own toes. “I like the idea of being at someone’s mercy. I’m…I like the idea of having someone who knows how to make me surrender.”

“Why just the idea of it?”

Liam chuckled humorlessly. “Because that’s just what it is. I’ve voiced this before. To the men I was seeing. They took the information and ran with it.”

He felt Fix stiffen at his back.

“Ran with it how?” he asked, and despite not being able to see his face, Liam knew his teeth were gritted and his eyes were dark with anger.

“I have boundaries,” Liam said, drawing his shoulders higher around his ears. “Nobody gets that. I want to be held down and fucked through the mattress, but I also want to be carried around and pampered and spoiled. I want to be fucked until I pass out, but I want to wake up in someone’s arms, being held and kissed and cared for. I want to feel safe with my daddy instead of scared of their temper and just waiting for them to get angry. And as soon as I’d mention liking it rough, it’s like that was the only thing they heard and they thought I wanted to be bullied and abused twenty-four seven. I don’t, Fix, and I’d just rather have it all be gentle and nice with you than the alternative.”

“What if the alternative is to get everything you want?” Fix asked.

“That’s not realistic.” Liam refused to allow himself the hope Fix insisted on waking up.

“We keep disagreeing, honey,” Fix said, and Liam could hear the smile in his voice. “Here’s what I think, if you’re willing to hear me out?”

“Sure.”

Liam yelped in surprise when Fix lifted him off the bed and pulled him onto his lap effortlessly. Green eyes met steady blue.

“So, based on what you said, I’m pretty sure you’ve never tried this dynamic with a real daddy. Not one who knows what the fuck they’re doing, anyway. Relationships like these are all about communication and trust. I trust you to tell me exactly what you want and need so I can make sure I give that to you, and I’d like for you to trust me to do the same.”

“So you’re okay?” Liam asked, breathless with shock. “With what I want? Because I…I like the way you are with me all the time. I like how protective you are and I like that you always look out for me. And you’re gentle and caring and I want that. I’d rather not have the other stuff but keep that…”

“And I told you I would give you everything,” Fix said, grasping his chin between his finger and thumb. “Do you think it’s a hardship to fuck you until you can’t breathe? To pin you down and fuck your mouth? To hold you down face-first and pound you until you forget your own name? Do you really think I’d be making some ungodly sacrifice by doing that? Liam, you drive me insane. I want to spend every second of every day making sure every wish you have is fulfilled. Nothing would make me happier.”