Page 55 of A Thousand Cuts

“Sorry,” Liam whispered.

Fix shook his head.

“Nothing to be sorry about,” he said, looking at the staircase just behind the front door. He knew it was a long climb to Liam’s apartment, and it was too narrow for Fix to walk beside Liam to help him. “Are you okay with me carrying you up?”

Liam stiffened in his arms and looked up. “You don’t have to…”

Fix stopped him before he could finish. “I know I don’t have to, Liam. I want to, though. If you’ll let me.”

Liam held his gaze for a moment, as if looking for hidden meaning behind Fix’s words. As if he just couldn’t allow himself to trust despite wanting to. Fix stood still and let him work through it. He had time. He had the patience. He’d wait as long as he had to for Liam to tell him what he wanted.

“Okay,” Liam said finally, lowering his eyes to focus on a button on Fix’s shirt. He was fidgeting now, and there was a soft flush on his pale cheeks. He looked like a fairy-tale being and Fix found himself frozen for a moment, taking his beauty in. He must have checked out for longer than he thought because Liam looked back up at him, eyes wide and confused. “Fix?”

“Right.” Fix snapped out of it, smiling apologetically before shaking his head. “Sorry.”

He bent down and scooped Liam up, one arm under his knees and the other around his shoulders. He was light as a feather in his arms.

“Comfy?”

Liam bit his lip as he looked away. “Yes,” he whispered.

Fix pushed the front door open with his shoulder, walking them inside the building and up the several flights of stairs to Liam’s apartment instead of waiting on the elevator.

He tried not to let Liam’s scent distract him. Tried not to get lost in the feeling of his body so close. Tried not to let himself imagine Liam’s body in his arms just because he wanted to be there on a lazy morning. They’d wake up, and he’d be flushed and warm from sleep, wearing Fix’s T-shirt, hair messy and tangled. And he’d find his way into Fix’s arms because he knew it was where he belonged.

He tried not to let himself hope. But he failed. Miserably so.

They reached Liam’s apartment before he was ready to let go. But there was a distinct growl coming from inside the apartment and Fix knew he had to. King wouldn’t take kindly to Liam being held by him. Not without warning.

“I’ll set you down now,” Fix murmured. “King still isn’t my biggest fan, though I think he’s warming up to me.”

Another lousy joke to ease the situation as he lowered Liam to the floor. He set him down as gently as he could and Liam stumbled a bit again, holding on to Fix for stability. He lifted his head and looked at him through those long lashes, and any chance of Fix not falling for him completely was erased.

Liam was it for him. Fix just had to learn to live with it.

“Thank you,” Liam said, and Fix nodded, trailing his hands over Liam’s body to make sure he was steady before forcing himself to let go. Hardest thing he’d ever done. “I’ll just…”

Liam fished a key from his pocket and unlocked his apartment.

As soon as it was open King came barreling into him, clearly torn between checking Liam over after smelling his distress and telling Fix off for potentially causing the distress. It resulted in some very impressive snaps back and forth and jumps between excited whining over seeing Liam and growls aimed at Fix.

It served to break the tension somewhat, because the contrast was kind of funny.

“Come on, you silly dude,” Liam said after giving the dog a million kisses all over his huge head. “Let’s get inside. Fix is here to help, okay? Don’t eat him.”

“He’d have enough for several good meals,” Fix said, patting himself on the bit of a stomach he was packing.

Liam’s eyes slid down to where his palms were resting and his tongue snuck out to wet his lips.

Fix felt like he’d unravel at the seams.

King woofed at them and it pulled them both out of their heads, Liam rushing the dog inside and Fix trailing after them slowly, his own legs feeling unsteady for a moment. He closed the door behind him and locked it, not that anything would be touching Liam with Fix around, then watched Liam turn all of the lights on as he went. His heart broke again at how many little ways Liam had of trying to combat his fears.

He followed him into the tiny living room and Liam stood in the middle of it, seemingly confused and fidgety.

“Um…” Liam took a glance at Fix before looking away again. “Do you want something to eat? Or…I have tea?”

He looked so out of his depth.